Help after birth

[Chaosonthehorizon]

Just starting to think about what help we might need once two children become four children. Family are all far away so realistically we are going to have to pay for some. I have already registered with home start too. Eldest is at school and youngest is at nursery for three mornings a week ( no afternoon option). What did you all do in terms of help? Definite c section so I will be unable to walk to nursery for at least six weeks (too far). When are the most difficult times of day etc? DH is brilliant but has a stressful job in the city with long hours. Oh and twins due early May all being well. Thanks

bump anyone? Or if you didn’t have any help. Would would you most have needed help with?

I only have twins so no other children to worry about - the support I would have loved was always around feeding time. I bottle fed mine but trying to do both at the same time was a nightmare. Help with housework maybe? It all gets a bit too much, especially in the early days when you're exhausted. I've always slept mine in the same cot (until 6 months) so getting them to sleep/nap at the same time was really important to help me get some rest. Good luck!

Agree totally with cleaner. Once a week to run round kitchen, bathroom and floors is fab.

Ready meals, Milk, nappies, medicines etc anything you’d run out of and can’t jump in car to buy. I bf and used washables as no shop in village and couldn’t drive after section.
Also turn off air bag, work out seats for getting everyone in car when you can.

Are you a SAHM or getting maternity pay? I ask because if you can, save a bit now and have your partner taken shared parental leave for a few weeks on top of his paternity leave to cover the 6 weeks after your c section.

Best thing we ever did was for my husband to take 3 months off at the start of my maternity leave. Even if yours would take 2 weeks + 2 weeks annual leave + 2 weeks paternity, it'll do wonders initially if you're having surgery.

Ask another school mum if they could do the school/ nursery run for a month until you’re fit to do it yourself? Get taxis until you can drive/ walk the distance again?

I was in the same situation - 2 DC already, 1 just starting school when DTs were born and the other in nursery about a mile from the house 3 mornings a week. Closest family 5 hours drive away.

I had a family member came to stay when DTs were born and she stayed Mon-Fri for the first 4 weeks (DTs were born on a Mon morning) and went home on the weekends. DTs were emcs at 35wks. I was in hospital for 5 days and then home. DTs stayed in for another 2 weeks. I was cleared to drive after 3.5 weeks and honestly, I felt totally fine. Horrible as it was, having the DTs in the NNU actually helped me recover because I was at home, sleeping in my own bed at night, and not having to care for newborns.

Once family member left at the end of week 4 (2 days after I was cleared to drive) we were on our own.

We had very little genuine community around us at that time so while we had a couple of friends who made meals for us in the early days, it was very little. No help with school runs or nursery runs. DH worked about half an hour away and left early in the morning (usually around 6.15) but got home most evenings by about 5.30pm-ish.

We had no other help at all. It didn’t really occur to me, and to be honest, we couldn’t really have afforded it.

We were pretty regimented with naps and feeds and routine. It was the only way to survive.

Not saying this to boast - looking back, those first two years are a bit of a blur - but just to say that it IS doable, and while they are a blur now, it genuinely never felt that bad at the time.

Thanks so much everyone and thank you for the reassurance SlayingDragons! I think we will have to scrape together some money rather than have a family member to stay but maybe I will be surprised! It is the tea-bed time that daunts me the most. I am a SAHM so no MA or MP need to discuss with DH what he wants to do in terms of holiday. With three all would have been fine but there we are! I presume he can’t get parental leave if I’m not working. At the moment I am not in bed until 10/11 and that will kill me if I have to be up in the night too and then up before 7 to marshall everyone in the morning. We have a cleaner (very lucky) but it is the piles of washing, putting away clothes and cooking...! Also silly question but wondered today, what do you do with the other twin if you are out and need to change a nappy? Don’t want to put them on the loo floor but also can’t leave in the buggy in the cafe or whatever. Not planning to be out much but still.

Also DH has just got back from work. Probably will be able to be a bit earlier for a bit but not long.

Most baby changing facilities are big enough to take a pram in, so you should be fine. Find two or three places that you know you can go to if you're ever out in town so you don't need to panic to find somewhere to change them. Supermarkets tend to be quite good.

Like you will have I have four, one in reception, one in nursery a few mornings a week, and four month old twins.
We have a few ‘crunch’ points in our day that are stressful.
GettiNg everyone out in the mornings in time for school and making dinner are the tricky bits. Problem is, when holding one child you can accomplish quite a lot one handed, but with two you grind to a halt. The usual recommendation of getting a sling doesn’t quite work with two.
Luckily my dh has flexible hours so he gets the big kids ready in the mornings and I breast feed the wee ones. Then I drive everyone to school.
My afternoons are basically spent feeding the wee children again as they have to sleep on the school run or it’s awful.

Then getting dinner on the table, even laying the table, can be challenging if the babies don’t want put down.

Other than that it’s fab.

I went for a stacking pram rather than a side-by-side one so that cafes/toilets would be easier. Basically I only hang out in John Lewis now because the toilets/feeding room/cafe is twin pram suitable.

Isawthathaggis thank you so much that is really helpful. My DH works long hours so I might see if we can cover some help at least during c section mending time. The nursery is a good 20 mins walk away too. What is the post school-bedtime stint like? When do you feed and bath everyone? That is my big thing, I assumed the third would just live in the sling and no idea how to proceed now that isn’t an option. We already have a donkey from number 2 so will just have to avoid cafes!! No money anyway 😉

I would describe the evening dinner and bath routine as energetic .
Here all effort is made into putting the school aged child to bed on time, everyone else fits round that routine.

I’m keeping the house hotter than I usually would as the babies have to hang around wrapped in towels longer than usual.

Turns out three in a bath is perfectly possible, but that still leaves one always on the floor .

What was a quiet bedtime routine is now a game of move the baby. They get left on beds, under beds, being fed, being cuddled, in other rooms.....
It goes against all the guidelines of how to create a calm bedtime routine and the children are brilliant with it: all are great sleepers.

I won’t lie, the absolute worst bit of is putting away washing. There’s bloody mountains of it every day. I can only imagine that’s going to get worse

Isawthathaggis great! Sounds better than I imagined and yes also would be concentrating on the school age lights out at 7 as we do now. Actually the second one too as they will be sharing. When do you feed the smallest ones? Eek sounds like we need a bigger bathroom, floor space is a struggle! Planning to move but may have to delay a bit now....!

And yes drowning in washing a bit at the mo as so so tired (nothing like what is to come I know 😱). I wonder if anyone on mumsnet has got a good system (apart from a live in laundry person!).

Have you got a spare room? If so get an au pair and have them start 4 weeks before the birth so they can get to know the older two.

My eldest only started school two months after the twins were born and I had a two year old too, I had a full time nanny from 21 weeks pregnancy because I had really bad SPD and couldn't walk. When my eldest started school my mum came every day from 7am until the nanny started so that I could get dressed and get oldest you school on my own. Bedtime was hard but I used to put the twins upstairs in the cot and deal with the other two like normal, popping in to check on the babies. They had a very fixed routine and after bf my first two I decided after a week to bottle feed the twins which was the best decision I made for my sanity and tiredness. Turns out getting up in the night isn't nearly as tiring when you aren't producing breast milk too
Private message me if you want to chat
(I went in to have a surprise fifth baby when the twins were nearly three)

I only have 2 children and they were 2.5yrs apart but I do have a DH who works long hours and was nervous about the whole bathtime/bedtime thing so I paid a 16yo to come over from 5.30 - 7.00 three times a week. She was fab. Competent enough to do bathtime with the toddler by herself, to cuddle the baby whilst I did bathtime, knew how to empty a dishwasher or the washing machine (and how to make a cup of tea!) and willing to tidy the toys up or similar. She was a star! DH was usually home by bedtime on a Friday so that meant there was only one day a week which I had to do by myself.