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Multiple births

When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

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Original poster

Going to a wedding when twins are 8 weeks old?

23 replies

MrsEG · 04/10/2019 16:36

Hi all, just hoping for some of your experiences/advice!

We have been invited to a wedding a 2-hour drive away next year, when our twins will be roughly 8 weeks old. My 'actual' due date is 23 Feb, but I have been told I'll deliver by 1 Feb at 37 weeks at the latest, if they don't come before. The wedding is 27 March.

They are very close friends, but my gut instinct is just that we can't go as they'll still be so young/small. However my parents have offered to come and stay at our house all day to take care of them, and think we should go - 'it'll do you the world of good' etc. We plan to combi-feed from the get go (to give me some respite!) so all being well they'll both be used to bottles.

I still just can't decide if it's a risky decision though (RSVP due at the start of December) - how do I know if they'll refuse the bottle, what it I have a c-section and take a while to recover, will I even want to leave them, etc etc.

Just looking for some advice really as to what you did/would have done!

Thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

toomuchtooold · 04/10/2019 17:55

Ooh... well I wouldn't, but I was very risk averse around all this sort of stuff. I think you have to be prepared that you might have gone quite a long time without decent sleep at that point and also, think whether you would be OK with them potentially not settling for your parents - from very vague, sleep addled memory I remember that 8-10 weeks was the peak of the time when I would walk the floor with them from about 5pm onwards and then DH would come in and take over and it would go on like that until they fell asleep at about 8 or 9. Yours might be fine though...

BeanBag7 · 04/10/2019 17:59

I wouldnt have wanted to leave my baby all day at that age.
Also if you're breastfeeding, even part time, having a gap of many hours at 8 weeks could affects your supply so you would probably have to pump a lot while you are at the wedding, or risk being very uncomfortable.

Soontobe60 · 04/10/2019 18:03

Do it! Or at least make plans to, then see how you are closer to the wedding.

BendingSpoons · 04/10/2019 18:05

Personally I'd decline to not put too much pressure on yourself. I'd probably take my mum up on the offer of babysitting and have a nap!

BikeRunSki · 04/10/2019 18:07

Webcam/Facebook broadcast

ineedaholidaynow · 04/10/2019 18:14

I wouldn’t but I wouldn’t have managed with a singleton never mind twins!

Could your parents stay near the venue do you can watch the ceremony and then leave?

If your parents haven’t had much time with the babies before they might not settle for them.

gostiwooz · 04/10/2019 18:17

If I were you I'd accept, but tell the B&G that you probably won't stay for the entire thing, and there is the chance that you may have to cancel at short notice. Presumably they know you will have newborn twins by then, and they will be understanding.

Ragwort · 04/10/2019 18:25

I wouldn't, but then I don't particularly like weddings anyway . If it was me I would send my regrets, friends will understand & you can have a belated celebration with them.

Ragwort · 04/10/2019 18:28

I don't think that is very polite, to accept but then say you might have to cancel . Unless it is a very informal wedding the cost of the meal etc will not be cheap and it is rude to accept with a proviso that 'I might have to cancel' . Just decline gracefully.

Waterdropsdown · 04/10/2019 18:39

Honestly I’d say you can’t go. I’m a parent of twins as my first children and at 8 weeks old I would not have managed this. I pumped - a lot.
The venue isn’t where your parents live is it? Maybe a weekend there and go for some of the wedding if that’s an option?

Perunatop · 04/10/2019 18:44

Just politely decline and send a lovely card.

ScrunchyBook · 04/10/2019 19:47

Different scenario but we went on a cottage holiday with PIL when our twins were 7 weeks. Twins were bottle fed from birth. I did find it quite stressful though as we were still at the stage where we were sorting out a routine, I was constantly thinking about the next feed/ sleep.
DH and I went out for an evening meal by ourselves (our first since they were born!) and although the twins were perfectly fine being looked after by their grandparents, we were back after 90 mins
Sorry, that might not particularly help with your decision-making. But my advice in life is to generally go with your gut. Wishing you all the best, twins are awesome xxx

FluffyClouds2017 · 04/10/2019 20:10

We went to a wedding with our 6 week old twins as I didn't want to leave them at that age and it was a good friend. We mixed fed from birth (one bottle a day plus breast) and as others have said I think it would have messed with my supply or just been very uncomfortable without feeding. They feed a lot at that age!

The wedding was lovely but not relaxing for us and I can't imagine we were a lot of fun to be around. I think if I have my time again I would have politely declined the invite.

Original poster

MrsEG · 04/10/2019 21:11

Thanks so much for all of your replies - my gut is saying we probably should give this one a miss! Thanks all.

OP posts:

PullingMySocksUp · 04/10/2019 21:13

I think you’re right.

FreeButtonBee · 04/10/2019 21:14

I had twins by section and breastfed them (after a v rocky start). I would not have been going anywhere at 8 weeks. Sorry but totally unrealistic with twins. It’s really hard work (lovely and tiring and crazy and beautiful and HARD) and I needed to be home, safe and with things as easy as possible for at least 4 months.

I would decline and ask if you can meet up for a sneak peek of the dress and a nice lunch pre babies

familyissue · 04/10/2019 21:17

I think if they are good friends you could easily say to them, you hope to go but will have to wait and see nearer time. Usually you can cancel dinner within a certain time frame and not be charged.

Rachelover60 · 04/10/2019 21:18

I think you have to play it by ear and reassess the situation when your children are, say, six weeks. You really cannot tell now how they are going to be, they're not even born! Tell your friends you hope to attend the wedding but cannot be certain and give the reasons, they'll understand. If you back out a fortnight before the date they can cancel your place (if it's that sort of wedding with a strict number of people, might not be).

Certainly get the children used to being with grandma and grandad for short periods from birth.

pheonixrebirth · 04/10/2019 21:40

Speaking as a mum of twins- don't do it unless it's a fancy dress wedding and you can attend as extras on the walking dead!
Treat yourself and your OH with kindness and don't put yourself under so much pressure that early!
But congratulations on your twins, you have got some fun times ahead!!

pumkinspicetime · 04/10/2019 22:38

I think at that age my dad looked after my dc for an evening at we went out, for about two hours and only a couple of miles away.
But it is hard to remember through the sleep deprivation of the time.

BendingSpoons · 05/10/2019 10:51

Where people are suggesting say yes and cancel if needed, I don't think that's very sensible. It might annoy the friends, as different venues have different time scales for final numbers, they might want to do table plans etc, they might have others they want to invite but can't as numbers are tight. Also it puts pressure on the OP to make the decision when her twins are a few weeks old. I think it's much more sensible to decline this one as the OP is planning. If you felt like going last minute you might be able to go to the ceremony or they might have other cancellations and you could take their place. However I reckon on the day you will be relieved you aren't going.

I like FreeButton's suggestion of doing a little celebration with them beforehand.

Original poster

MrsEG · 05/10/2019 11:09

Thanks again everyone! We think we are going to decline the wedding but tell them if we think we can, we'll pop along to the evening do - that way we don't mess up any seating plans and they won't need to fork out for a meal for us etc, but we can make the decision once the twins are here as to whether we can shoot off for the night!
Thanks again - I particularly enjoyed the Walking Dead comment - trying to enjoy my sleep now while I can!!!

OP posts:

inwood · 07/10/2019 14:03

I did it for my sil wedding, husband was best man. It was 1.5 hours away I had them with me all day and my mum came and collected them and took them back to my house at about 7pm. We got up at 7am and drove straight home. If it hadn't of been a very close family member I wouldn't have even contemplated it. They were 9 weeks adjusted.

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