Third pregnancy twins..overwhelmed and advice needed

[cheesecakeandchocplease]

We have just found out our third, unexpected pregnancy are in fact non ID twins. We already have 2 adored DS's who are almost 4 and almost 2 years old. We very much wanted a third but a little later down the line..and I know how lucky we are (we struggled go conceive our first two children)..but this has just knocked us for 6.

How on earth will we cope with 4 children? I am really worried about sleep and routine, as I have always co slept and breastfed on demand but with twins I dont know how that will be possible, I feel like I would be a first time mum again. Would really like to hear from anyone who had twin, or, like us has had a surprise twin pregnancy after 1 or 2 children. Would love to hear positive stories and tips for coping! Thank you x

A friend had premature twins. By the time they came out of hospital, they were in a fairly consistent feeding routine (every 3h). On trickier nights (illness etc) the parents just did 5-6h our shifts so that one of them attended to the babies while the other got sleep in another room.

I think you just need to brace yourself and make it through the early days. Once they start sleeping it'll be more manageable.

For inspiration, I think there are some YouTubers with loads of children so might be nice to watch them. Can't remember the names but I'm pretty sure I've seen some with 6-8 including 3-4 still in cots.

We unexpectedly had triplets in our second pregnancy so went from 1 to 4, and had the same concerns as you.
Routine is really important. If you can afford extra help in the early days, definitely do - a maternity nurse will get you on a great routine. But if not then following a 4 hour schedule to start with is helpful and learning to tandem feed - there are FB groups and YouTube videos to help.

4 kids is noisy & challenging at times but a lot of fun too! It gets easier over time as well. Good luck!

I became a mum of 4 after our third and final pregnancy turned out to be twins. My other children were 6 and 2 when they arrived. We are 17 months in and it is bonkers but mostly great. I managed to breastfeed for 12 months - there is a great breastfeeding twins and triplets Facebook group, which is fantastic for support. It was tough going at times, but mostly worked pretty well. My 2 year old watched more CBeebies than she would have done otherwise! In some ways I found the pregnancy harder than having the babies here, in terms of the older ones. I'm generally not very organised, but am learning how to be very quickly! I'm really strict about bedtimes as I need to have some downtime. Sleep was poor for quite a while, but much better now and that has made a huge difference. I've enjoyed going back to work part time recently, even though the childcare costs a fortune. We get stopped everywhere, which is sometimes lovely and sometimes annoying! The older two are brilliant with the younger two and it is lovely to see their relationship grow. Nothing beats looking down at one little baby, thinking how amazing they are and how much you love them and then looking down at the other and thinking the same! You've got this and everyone also will think your are amazing to have any shit together, while you know you are actually just winging it by the seat of your pants (and actually that's just fine!). Congratulations!

Exactly the same as you really - two children aged 4 and 2 and an unplanned third pregnancy that was twins.
It took me a really really long time to get my head around it.
I’m seven weeks in and it’s really not awful . They’re bf on demand, and we kinda co-sleep. I have a full sized cot with one side off next to my bed. Initially I had both twins down one end but they were waking each other up by whacking each other on the head so I’ve had to separate them. Now one is at each end.
It will really be fine. You’re already really experienced, in nine months you’ll be on here reassuring other expectant mums I promise .

Thank you all so much! I sway between being petrified, horrified, and then, between the bouts of sickness easing (worst part of twin pregnancy!!) getting ridiculously excited!

So lovely to hear from people surviving and enjoying it- thank you

Hi OP,
I'm in exactly the same position as you. I have a 4 and 2 year old and have just found out we are having twins (was triplets but we lost one). Just wanted to say I'm feeling the same as you, very very poorly and completely terrified! Maybe we can stay buddies and help each other out!

Hi @Beatrice900...oh I feel for you, yes definately! Where do you live and when are you due? We are in Herts and due end of Feb. Still in denial as I am feeling so sick with constant pregnancy sickness I cant really think straight to plan anything!

Wow almost triplets though...now going from 2 to 5 would be something else!

Hope your feeling ok - I wonder if this apprehension is the worst part? x

I'm the same OP! Two DCs with a 14 month age gap between them... then a planned third pregnancy (DC1 was 4, DC 2 was 3) which turned out to be twins. As the shock faded I actually just felt more excited and looking back it's been unbelievable. Lots and lots of fun. Sleep deprivation was unreal but only for a while. I co-slept with both most days as I found it was the only way we all got our sleep and I EBF both in tandem until their feeding habits changed. In total I breastfed for just over a year with both. Try and get lots of help if you can. Thank goodness I had my MIL and my aunt who were very hands on for early days and would take older two out for a while. Lean on anyone and everyone who offers to help, trust your judgement and don't be hard on yourself. You're an experienced mum already, you got this!

Thanks for your positive response @MoreCookiesPlease, so pleased you are enjoying life with 4! How do you co sleep with both - are they in a crib at the side of the bed, or are you in between them on a mattress? x

I used to co-sleep with both on the mattress, me on the edge , twin 1, then twin 2, then husband on the other edge! Twin 2 was less needy than twin 1 and would settle in a Next to Me crib but Twin 1 never did!

We had twins when first child was 2. Feeding on demand worked well as they used to wake at different times in the night which meant I could feed lying down rather than having to sit up and feed them both together which I found difficult. I don't think you'll feel like a first time mum again, you'll soon get used to it.
It's a big shock and we were really worried but had no reason to be.

Hi everyone, same here and just found out today! Eldest two are 5 and 3 and I am in complete shock and fear

I realise this is a couple of years ago.. just wondering how it's been/going now??
I just found out this week we are expecting identical twins in the summer. We already have 2 kids; by then they will be 4 1/2 & 18months.. shell shocked at the moment! Freaking out a lot. Any advice or survival stories to help me calm down would be great!
Thank you.
Blessed be 🍃

Hi @When3becomes4 - ahh, huge congratulations to you!

Wow- you must be feeling incredibly overwhelmed at the moment - I remember the feeling so well. I do feel for you as it is a lot to think about and take on board.

Our girls are now 2 years 8 months. Now, I am truly at the stage where having twins is, quite a bit of the time, easier than having had a single child - they play with each other for hours, keep each other company as they chat away in their cots in the mornings, run to comfort each other if one has fallen over - it is quote incredible seeing their bond and for me I actually find it easier, not harder, having all 4 than when I have the three children.

To be completely upfront the first two years were tough, really tough. I found the never ending guilt of not being able to spend enough time with each child just so difficult, I found it so hard never having a free hand always holding a twin, I found the mess of the house tough, I missed spending quality time with my older children something chronic, I was exhausted and going back to work part time was the way I relaxed...it was a tough, tough time and I suppose covid didn't help with that! I think the best advice I could give is to think longer term - even at just 2, I noticed such a difference and things seemed to become 50 times easier. It really has gotten better and better, and now although perfect I really do feel I have that connection I craved so badly with each child back.

The normal advice is also true - accept all help if you can! We were lucky enough to have a lovely lady to come and help me three times a week for three hours, between the 3 and 7pm slot, and she would take the girls out in the pram so I could make dinner and spend some time with my boys, help me tidy, keep an eye on the twins whilst I read a bedtime story to my older children- it was a lifeline for that first year.

But 2 years is so short in the context of things, and it brings me so much comfort to know my children all have each other, to know that hopefully we will all have a busy, happy, bustling family growing older, to hope that one day I will have 4 adult children I can be friends with and enjoy- and to know that if you can manage 4 children when young, nothing will phase you!

My husband and I will often do a 2.1 (a twin and an older sibling) time at the weekends where we will take two of the children out and do something nice with them in order to have better quality time, and this has also worked really well for us.

I would say be realistic about the challenges, accept help, know that everything is a phase and know that although it may not feel enjoyable at times when they are really young, it will be such a source of joy for you- I love being a twin mum and feel very lucky to have my little brood. Look after yourself and please let me know how you get on! Sending lots of health and happiness 🥰