Can you please tell me about twins and a two year old?

[CalmerComber]

I’m really panicking about DD. She will be 2y3m when twins arrive in July. She’ll go from being my one and only to being bottom of a pile.

Can I have practical tips?

DH will only be able to have 2 weeks intermittent. Thinking of asking this to start only when I’m home from hosp?

We’re olanninng to keep DD in nursery 2 days a week? Good plan or look for money for another day?

Breastfeeding really important to me but worried about watching DD etc during a long feed. Tips?

Ideas for downstairs naps? DD used to nap in the pram in the hall or on me! Obv not practical with 2 + toddler.

Anything else you wish you’d known? I’m really panicking.

Intermittent = paternity.

Congratulations. I had the same age gap as you, did was 2y4m when my twin ds arrived. We were in scbu for 2 weeks as they arrived at 35weeks and were slow feeders. Dh took 2 weeks paternity leave once we were home from hospital ( I was also in for 2weeks for other reasons). We tried to breastfeed but for various reasons gave up really quickly, it is possible but tricky I think.
If I had my time again ( and one of the boys didn’t have health issues) I would probably combination feed. We kept dd in nursery and it worked well for us. I can’t think of much other advice. The usual I suppose, lots of batch cooking before they arrive. I went to baby groups but I didn’t bother with twins groups as we are fairly rural I I preferred to try and build local relationships than travel for twin relationships.
I cut a lot of corners, very low housework standards, gave washing to MIL as she was looking for ways to help ( honestly if people offer help , offer washing, it’s a test of a good friendship, I would do it for a friend!) I tried to be as open as possible to offers of help, and also asked for help if I needed it. I once even asked a random lady in a cafe to hold one twin while I tried to juggle another( she was looking at me with sympathy as I juggled screaming twins) she was so pleased to help but didn’t offer, I just thrust a baby at her!
With the older one, it is tricky to give them attention they need, we just tried to spend a lot of time together. At lot of chatting rather than playing I suppose.
It will be fine. You just do it and it mostly works out. You’ll be great.

My daughter was 22 months when my twins were born, so similar age gap. It is totally doable (we survived! Although the twins are still only 3, so some days still feel like the eye of the storm ).

I think I’d be asking for paternity to start when you’re home, too - realistically you’ll need him a lot less in hospital. Is there any other help you can call in? Beg each and every favour you can, especially anyone who’s happy to do things with your daughter while you look after the baby. Bear in mind there’s a high chance of a C section and if that happens you won’t be able to lift your DD (I found that really hard because she was still in a cot... yours is a bit older so if she’s not already it might be worth thinking about getting her into a toddler bed). We also had quite a few different members of family come and stay at various times while I was recovering, just to help with lifting, entertaining DD while I was establishing feeding etc.

I breastfed mine til they were 10 months, so it can definitely be done, but I would recommend combination feeding if you’re happy to - we always gave the twins a bottle at bed time & here and there through the day. Plus it makes it easier for you to leave the house by yourself if you ever need to!

For naps when they were tiny I used to put them in the double pram in the lounge while I’d play with DD in another room. As soon as they could I put them upstairs to sleep tho - I got them quite ‘routiney’ quite early for sheer survival!

Child proof the shit out of the house (locks on any room you want to keep them out of altogether, all cupboards locked, anything breakable out of reach) so that you don’t feel you have to watch DD constantly. We were lucky enough to have a separate dining room which we changed into a play room and put baby gates on, so there was one space I could leave DD while I was putting the twins down for a nap or whatever, and know she was safe. But honestly if we hadn’t had a dining room, I think I would have sacrificed the lounge - the play room was a lifesaver!

As soon as you’re physically recovered from the birth get out every day if you possibly can, and scout out all the parks and other outings in walking distance - getting in and out of cars with three kids is a massive faff. Also work out which places you can fit a double buggy into!

Never beat yourself up about using CBeebies as a babysitter if you need to.

And if you can possibly afford to, get a cleaner!

20 month gap here. I cried so much for my poor boy who was about to become a big brother to 2 sisters. He surprised me so much. Loves them to bits and we didn't have any issues.

If people offer help, get them to walk the twins while you play with your eldest. And to make you food. And baby food when you start weaning!

I BF twin 1 and combination fed twin 2 as she had feeding issues. We're nearly 1 year in and we're now combi feeding twin 1 and FF twin 2. I regret not trying harder BF her but it wasn't working well and I was becoming a martyr. She stopped wanting BF at 6 months as was very used to bottles. Don't make too much of an issue of how you feed them - sadly it's much easier to FF twins and I say this as a massive BF supporter.

Try a routine early on. Mine napped upstairs from the start. Not recommended but we had to - small house and noisy toddler. Get a video monitor and sensors if it helps you.

It will be lovely.

I'm in the eye of the storm at the moment as my twins are 8 months and my son is about to turn 3.

Take every bit of help offered and I think 3 days at nursery will be good. My DS isn't in nursery but we've had a lot of help with DGP helping and looking after DS. It would have been a truly miserable experience if that hadn't been the case. My DS is a handful though, so that's made managing 3 harder and the help more essential.

I probably sound miserable but I think knowing the first year is tough is better that being shocked! Also every single day it gets easier. Twins are also so special, they will keep you endlessly amused!

Good luck

I have a 2yr3 month girl and 7 week old twins. I just automatically put my 2 yr old in for 5 days a week at nursery - it's expensive but I'd struggle to manage with her at home too! Mainly just because I need to be homebound for feeding and the 2 year old gets cabin fever with not enough entertainment around...

We got a few new toys saved up as presents and that's helped to keep her entertained when she's at home at the weekend

Bottom of a pile