Twin boys! Worried about older daughter

[poodlefairy]

Hi, this is my first time posting but have been getting myself in a bit of a state. We were desperate to give my daughter a sibling and we have know for a while that we’re expecting twins after numerous gruelling rounds of IVF and we found out on Mon that they’re both healthy and both boys. I’m obviously so happy that they’re both healthy but in terms of the sexes, this was my least preferred scenario (in fact I was dreading it). Not for me, after everything we’ve been though, I just feel so lucky to have these boys. But I’m worried about my daughter who has just turned 5. Twins, especially same sex, will obviously have a special bond. I thought if at least one was a girl, my daughter would feel more involved and have something in common. But what connection will she have with two boys 5 years younger than her that already have their own twin bond? Is this worse than no siblings? She’ll have two brothers that she can’t bond with and less of our time/attention as we’ll be looking after babies. I know I sounds irrational but can’t help it, I’m just really worried about this scenario. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Why won’t she be able to bond with them? Plenty of people bond with their brothers/sisters.
I know a family with a 5 year old girl and IVF twin boys (5 months old). Their daughter adores the twins and there’s no reason she won’t have a great relationship with them when she’s older.
I think you’re over thinking it.

I know I’m overthinking it. I can’t help it. I’m not saying she wouldn’t bond with ‘a’ brother as there would just be the two of them. But with twin boys who have their own bond? I don’t know how strong that connection will be. It’s good to know you know a family where it’s going well. I have no doubt that my daughter will be the same when the boys are babies but when the boys are older I’m worried she’ll have no connection. Eg. 4-year old boy twins and a 9 year old girl.

I think you are overthinking it. My son would love a sister (he has a brother). He plays with all the girls at school and is gentle and not boisterous. Don't assign character and personality to your boys before they are born

All families have different combinations/different dynamics/different age ranges. I don’t think them being twins will be a barrier to your daughter having a close relationship with them. That doesn’t necessarily mean she will have a close relationship with them, but she could have a sister 2 years younger than her who she didn’t get on with/bond with/relate to.
I’m sure once the babies come along your worries will fade away. Good luck!

And congratulations

I’ve got twin boys and an older girl, although the age gap is closer. She loves her younger brothers (when they’re not driving her nuts) and to be honest most of the time they’d rather play with her than each other. I wouldn’t get too hung up on the ‘special bond’ - some have it, some don’t, in the same way that some siblings get on and some don’t. And even if they do, there’s no reason it had to be to the exclusion of everybody else.

Only time will tell how well your children get on with each other - but I honestly wouldn’t put too much emphasis on the ‘twin thing!’

You're exaggerating the "twin bond". Yes they are likely to be close to eachother as they are the same sex and the same age, but they will be able to bond with your daughter as well. Perhaps just try to think of the twins as two separate people rather than as a pair, iyswim.

She'll be able to bond with them fine, it'll just be a different bond from the one they have with each other. You wouldn't think that a 27-year-old man and his 10-year-old sister would bond well would you? Yet they have so much in common and truly love each other, and they only met last year. I hope this gives you hope. 😊

Have you seen How to Train Your Dragon? The twins in that hate each other!

My Ds was four when his sisters was born. I think it is hard for a sibling of multiples as they are such a lot of work (or at least mine were) now he's 7 and they are two and they have a lovely bond. I found him sandwiched between them reading them a favourite story the other day. I may have had a happy cry in the kitchen...

My cousins daughter was 5 when her twin brothers were born.

She was an excellent big sister/second mum right from the start.

They're adults now and she's still totally kick ass and in charge

Don't overthink.

Even older siblings and a single baby take time to bond. There wasn't as much of a gap as yours but it took time for them to get used to one another. They're as thick as thieves now. Make time for one to one time with your DD with each parent emphasising it's her special time and something her siblings are too young to do. Take her somewhere and treat her. Make her feel special. A gift from the new baby in the hospital will go a long way too to show there are positives to having new babies coming to live in your family. Get her to help out by asking her to get things like nappies/powder when changing the babies and tell her she is a very important person because she is their big sister and they love her very much. There are books in the library to help explain it to her too. Congratulations on your pregnancy, try to enjoy it. Your DD will be fine.

Thanks everyone, you’ve definitely helped. Would you believe I’m normally quite a level-headed person . I don’t know why I’m so hung up on this. I think just because my daughter has been my world for 5 years and obviously this is a huge change. Anyway, you’ve definitely calmed my fears a bit.

My friend has a 5 year old dd and baby twin boys. She ia fab with them, like a mum and the bous adore her. It's lovely to watch them together.

My twins are 5 and very close but some days they try to kill each other. Kids are all different, even twins.

I would be more worried that your DD gets pushed into a substitute mother role just because she is a girl but that’s just me..

I think it’s so much about character: hers and the two new siblings.

I think the comment I get most about my multiples is how different their characters are. People expect them to have special bonds and/or being very similar.
Allow your DC to develop and I am sure they will have a lovely relationship.

And Congratulations!

I have a 4 year old boy and new born twin girls. He dotes on them. My feeling is they will grow up with him being there, they won't know a world without him. I could see how bonding could be harder if you had twins and then a later child but I'm confident my 3 will be great together and yours too (as great as siblings can be that is!)

Borridge I tell DD off for telling DS2 off. She's 10, he's 6. I say, "you're his sister, not his mother. He'll really resent you when he's older." I think she naturally assumes the mother role.

You're over-thinking it. Boys and girls nowadays are far more likely to be great friends than they were years ago. It'll be great for them to have a fantastic older sister and she will really love them.