How to settle 2yo twins and 6yo

[Lfox341]

I'm struggling at bedtime lately. We did go through a phase where i put the twins down in their cots and not a peep and then they'd be asleep, then I had some precious time with older sister. Lately this routine has changed and we've gotten into singing / rocking etc. There have been lots of changes to our routine so I can't pinpoint one exactly. With my first child I couldn't bear to let her cry and would sit for hours sometimes cuddling and singing to sleep. It now breaks my heart and makes me feel incredibly guilty that I can't do that for 2&3 when they cry. If I pick up and cuddle twin 1 and the other starts crying then my options as I see them are - carry on cuddling twin 1 and listen to the crying of twin 2 until 1 is asleep then I can see to 2(but sometimes 1 stays awake ages and 2 gets hysterical) ; cuddle 1 until calm then put 1 down and go see to 2 ( but sometimes 1 cries as soon as I put down so I have both crying and ping pong between them according to whichever is the most hysterical) ; ignore both; put both in double buggy and take for a walk ( sometimes it's late/ rainy/ not an option at all). Meanwhile older sibling has to hear the screaming/ keep occupied / try to "help" which may become an option as she gets older but I still have reservations about trusting her unsupervised with a crying younger sibling for any length of time. So my problem is having a consistent strategy that I'm comfortable with. In a perfect world I'd have a routine that worked all the time. I'm trying to get into a regular routine of putting each in their own bed and then just hoping only one is unsettled at a time. Has anyone else been in the same situation ? Any helpful advice ? I'm looking into controlled comforting etc , any experience of that working with twins ?

I'm in a similar situation, but it takes just too long to settle them each to sleep. I resorted to controlled crying I'm afraid (it broke my heart), but there's now less crying every night than there used to be when I was trying to be kind. In fact, they rarely cry at all at bedtime. My big problem now is them messing about!

Is this just bedtime or naptime too?

Do they still nap, is bedtime late enough so they are really tired when they get in bed and not too late that they're overtired?

We had the most messing about when they weren't tired. If properly tired head would hit the pillow and they'd be asleep.

I definitely wouldn't be putting them in the buggy - that way madness lies!

Thank you for your responses. It is a comfort that I'm not alone dealing with this. You've also given me hope that I can do something to improve the situation. Thanks also for focusing my mind on making sure they are definitely tired.

I've started to track waking, napping and actual asleep times so I'm hoping then to gain better judgement when it comes to timing. They do still nap for about an hour or two which is usually mid morning or lunchtime - they are usually awake by 2. If it's past 2/230 then I'd usually leave it a bit later to attempt bedtime.

I have nearly 3yr old twins and a 5yr old. I feel ur pain. It gets easier.
I dropped their nap a while ago as bedtime was much easier if they were exhausted. They were grumpy in the evening but I kept activity to a minimum after dinner, that's when then get TV etc.
Consistency is your friend. Keep the hour before bed time the same each night so they know what to expect.
Are they in beds or cots?
If in cots I got them ready, room already in darkness or low light. I put the cots a meter apart and sat between them so you can reach in to offer comfort but unless getting really worked up they weren't lifted.

Once in beds all hell broke loose for a while . I had to sit beside their beds and return them constantly, for weeks. The first and only night I left them to it I heard a crash and came in to find twin one in the bottom drawer of their chest of drawers and twin two holding it from toppling over!!!!

I've progressed to sitting outside their room with the door closed over til they sleep. Just as reassurance that I'm there. But it takes time.
They also have a consistent routine and get a book each read to them in bed before I leave the room.

While this is going on, big sister gets some TV or tablet time in her bedroom next door, again low light. and she has a later bedtime. She gets her story in bed as soon as the boys are asleep.

This works for me obvs everyone is different. Good luck

Ours slept together in a double bed until they were 3. Meant one parent could settle them. I never persisted enough to get them to go to sleep alone so no help with that - sorry! When we first moved them into their own beds I tried leaving them and they used to hype each other up - culminating in jumping off windowsill and nosebleed (laughing at Amy's story above!). It does get easier - we still do give ours a cuddle as going to sleep (just turned five) but it takes around 10min and they will take turns if only one person available.