Please help me get my head around having twins...

[Frazzlehead]

I'm 11 weeks pregnant and have just found out it's twins. I have 2 older children who will be 3 and 5 when the twins get here. We had planned the pregnancy and we're both delighted when we found out I was pregnant, we really saw ourselves with 3 children. Honestly though, since I found out it's twins I've been terrified and can't stop crying. I really wish I didn't feel this way. We imagined ourselves with 3 children but 4 seems like a completely different stratosphere. I'm so worried that I won't be able to give 4 children the love and attention they all need, as little ones and as they get older and become teenagers. I struggled when both of my 2 were babies and I have no idea how I'll manage 2 at once and meet their needs. My older children are wonderful and we have a great relationship, I can't help but feel that I've ruined it by taking in more than I can cope with. Practically and financially we'll be OK, which is a blessing, and although we have limited family support we can afford a bit of extra help for the first 3 months.

Does anyone have any wise words? I just want to start feeling like it'll be OK and feel excited about this, like I know I ought to be! At the moment I just keep wishing it would all go away

Congratulations! We have similar circumstances. I have four children too OP but my twins are my eldest. They are 4ys and I also have 2.5 yr old and a 9 month old! When I found out that I was pregnant with twins I was so completely shocked and overwhelmed and wondered how on earth I would cope. But I did. And so will you. Yes it was super hard at the start but after the initial few months it settles down and you can establish a routine which is absolutely critical for surviving twins.

When I had subsequent children I worried about sharing my love and attention, and to be honest, that is still something I worry about. I think it is something that I will always have to be conscious of to make sure that each child receives one on one time and attention. My household is manic and keeping on top of housework etc is a challenge but it is full of love and I wouldn't change a thing!

Congratulations frazzled
I'm a twin mummy, but only have our twins. They're two and a half and not sure if we can have any more. In a way your much better prepared than if you'd had them first as you've already brought two kids through newborn stage which I found terrifying let alone times two. I often think if we'd had one first and then the twins I'd have been far less worried about everything iykwim. Just make sure you let go of the little things, times tight with two especially with older siblings so who cares if the cars' tidy or all the fishes are dried and put away!

Hello! Congrats!!! I'm not quite in your shoes as I only have one older child who was three when my twins were born, but I just wanted to cheer you up by telling you that having twins is AMAZING!!! Despite a terrible pregnancy (one twin was very poorly) and two babies born much too soon and spending 3 months in NICU, I can honestly tell you that having twins is the most mind blowingly amazing thing that has ever happened to our family! Yes, our lives are pretty hectic now and money is tight, but the love and happiness they radiate fills my heart with joy every day. I love strangers asking questions, I love taking the twin pram out, I love being part of the "twin parents" community... Seriously, brace yourself as your life is about to become more amazing than you ever thought possible:-)

Hello, I can relate to this as I had one DS who was 18 months when we discovered at the 13 week scan that we were expecting triplets. We had considered having 3 kids, definitely not 4 so I was also crying a lot - partly due to the logistics and partly the medical risks. So I just wanted to reassure that it's fine to feel that way and it does get better - it took me about a month to be able to tell people without crying but eventually I got my head round it and now the girls are 19 months old, I obviously wouldn't change it for the world! I found practical advice and help was useful - TAMBA and your local Twins/Multiples Club will be able to help. There is something called a Multimac which will enable you to seat 4 kids across the backseat of various cars. Hope that helps - congratulations, the multiples world is a special world x

Thank you everyone. It does help to hear some positive stories from people who have been there. Think I just need to get my head around it before we start telling people because the few people I've confided in so far have been fairly shocked/negative. So it helps to hear from people on here.

I'm a twin nit a mother if twins. All I can tell you is my mum said it was hard work until we were two and then a lot easier because we entertained each other. Having a twin is fab.

My twins are 4 months and I felt the same way throughout my pregnancy, not at all excited, just scared and overwhelmed. Don't feel bad about feeling that way, it's natural I reckon. Ignore negative reactions, people can be so rude! We have 1 DD and I was in two minds about having 'just one more' but never imagined myself with 3 kids. Having done the newborn stage with one baby has been a massive advantage, and you've done twice so you'll be fine! I did find at first that I kept comparing DD's perfect babyhood with the twins' totally chaotic one, which made me miserable. Once I let go of the idea that it had to be the same I felt happier. The first few months are hard. But mine don't sleep; I would imagine that having good sleepers would mean that you get back to normality quicker. I'm just starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel now. And no, I still wouldn't have chosen twins, but life is full of unexpected stuff, and in terms of the range of surprises it can spring on you, this isn't so bad

I cried for 6 weeks when I found out my second pregnancy was twins. I had PND with my first and she was only 18 months when I fell pregnant. I really didn't think much about the twins arrival as I was in denial I think. It wasnt helped by the bizarrely negative reactions from most people - one even said commiserations not congratulations ! But actually it was fine. Different and sometimes very hard but often fantastic and special. My boys are now 5 and its still different with it's own special challenges but with special rewards as well. I totally understand where you are but you and your special family will be just fine. It's worth joining TAMBA and finding out about local twins groups as you will find support from those are are or have been there too is invaluable. Congratulations.

My husband is a twin as is my mother so I wasn't really surprised but as it was fourth baby wasn't really thinking twins. We went from 3 to 5 which required a mindset change and practical changes.
Routine has been key to enjoying them (and the one that followed). Twins bring challenges but also bring huge joy and fun. Ours are non identical so not quite so much opportunity for mischief but enough. They were very easy, self contained children who didn't need occupying in the same way singletons did.

Congratulations!

I have 5yo twins as well as 4 older kids aged 16, 14, 10 and 6. The twins were completely unexpected and their big sis was only 15 months when they were born (at 34+2)

Yes it is tough (practically and emotionally) but I have never felt we could give any one of our kids less love because there are more of them. Take it one dayat a time and it does get easier then harder then easier then harder etc

The key is rountine and early bedtimes (once they sleep through). Keep time for yourself and spend time (day trips, lunch, etc) with each of them indervidually. It's a lot to get used to but you will get there!

And try to enjoy it along the way too! They'll be teenagers before you know it

I had so many awful comments when i was pg with my two that i was absolutely dreading having two babies. All i can say is all those people were total idiots. Having twins is amazing but for some reason everyone i spoke to (none of whom had tens!) Was hellbent on making it seem like this is the worst possible thing ever. It's nowhere near as hard as i expected it to be.

4 is much easier than 3!
2 pairs to play together!
No middle child!!
You and dh can hold a hand each!!
Congratulations!!

How are you getting on frazzlehead?

I'm feeling the same. Found out I'm pregnant with identical twins. Scared, worried, anxious. Wasn't ready for two. I'm nearly 11 weeks now. Does the unhappy feeling do away?

Yes I think it does go away. It took me a good month to get my head round it but I can genuinely say that we're both now excited and couldn't imagine there being just one baby. I'm still quite daunted about the first few months but I can see lots of positives too now. Be kind to yourself smoon and give yourself some time x

Thank you so much Frazzlehead, much appreciated. It's so relieving to hear others experiences and realise you're not the only one. Hope I'll soon get to the point of seeing the positives. Good luck and all the best in your delivery!

Hi
Just wanted to say I came across the post and I'm feeling similar.
I have a 1 year old little boy and I am expecting twins im 12 weeks.
At first when I found out I was overjoyed because I thought I was going to have another miscarriage but instead discovered I'm having twins so I felt truly blessed!

Now I'm feeling very overwhelmed and worried of how I'll cope, doesn't help that we've also had negative comments - my MIL even said my partner needs to get sterilised in a jokey manner, I didn't find that funny.. everyone keeps telling me how hard it's going to be (I already know but don't think all the negativity helps)

I'm worried about them being premature, my partner being out of work during this time, how I'll manage with 3 young children..
I don't drive so taking them all out on the bus etc..

I suffer with major depression and the depression was very bad after my firstborn so I'm scared about that happening again

I'm currently feeling very low in mood and not managingto get out much but I'm too worried about taking antidepressants during pregnancy so feel about lost and don't know how to get out of this bad episode I'm in :(

There's bound to be a twins/multiples Facebook group local to you. I've heard they can be great support and a way of finding out about local activites/meeting people.

Also if you have a Home Start local to you it might be worth getting in touch. They will send a trained and vetted volunteer (always a parent themselves ) round to you for a couple of hours every week to offer practical and emotional support - time to wash your hair, take a nap, go out to a group with an extra pair of hands, sort washing, go to the dentist/gp whatever you need.

Hi AriannaBlack, it gets better as time goes by. Reading related posts and others comments helped me a lot. I've also found great peace via Acceptance, whether it's Mother Nature, God, fate or whatever your beliefs are... instead of rejecting and resisting to it, I've decided to accept and get on with it. Maybe it's meant to be that way, we'll never know. Hope you'll start feeling better soon, give yourself time x

Hi Hun, my twins are now 2 and I also have a 7 year old. I have boy/girl twins and the boy is autistic so I've really got my hands full! When we found out we were having twins I cried! I was genuinely devastated. I wanted a baby so much but I only wanted 1!! I never saw myself as a mother of 3 and really did not think I'd be able to cope alongside working full time. I didn't get excited about the pregnancy and struggled. I was ill all the way through and was so worried I'd end up with post natel depression because I felt so down about having twins! When they arrived however everything changed. It wasn't instant, but as the weeks went by and I realised that we could do this things got easier and I fell in love with them both. No post natal depression but it was hard work! Things aren't easy now and I don't think they ever will be but I honestly wouldn't change them for the world, they are 2 beautiful, funny, adorable little characters who make me smile every day! You will love both babies completely once they get here, more than you could ever imagine right now and you will cope. People ask how but you just do! Not coping isn't an option, lol. You will be too busy not to cope! Good luck and I promise you it will all be fine. Twins are so special xx

I had seven boys before I had twins.my first daughter included.it was hard but u find a way to manage.After trying to breastfeed I decided to do bottle feeds.as my Son always woke my daughter up with his crying.I lay them both on a pillow and fed them a bottle.then I would wind one while the other was feeding.Then wind the other.job done it worked for me.xx