Shared twins party. How to handle invites and presents.

[DebratsEtiquette]

Twins are turning 7 so we should be use to this but we've still not got it right. They are in different classes at school and will each invite about 7 children from their classes. There will be another 5 or so shared friends. In the past we did an invite from each child to the person they were inviting with the hope that people wouldn't feel obliged to buy both children a gift. Now the numbers of 'shared' friends are growing (even the 7 in each class are largely friends with both twins). Any suggestions on how to handle this? Sometimes one of the mums from a class agrees to arrange the present so this could help but still, I don't want people to contribute to 2 presents. (Also, although most children are from the school, not all are). Looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

In this instance I would put all invites from both children. People can then buy 2 smaller presents rather than I bigger present. My dts invited 5 friends each, invite just from one twin but what you describe sounds more complicated than my situation.

My twins used to send three differently worded invitations:

Shared friends and family:

Janet & John invite you to their 7th Birthday party

Janet's friends:

Janet invites you to Janet & John's 7th birthday party.

John's friends:

John invites you to Janet & John's 7th party.

We found that guests with either if the last two invites only brought a present for the twin that invites them, guests who received the first invitation brought a gift for both children.

We learned this after the first party we did where we sent joint invites and ended up with eighty gifts . I hadn't even thought about it.

Subsequently we sent invitations as above which cut things down considerably (phew).

We are having 7 bday party soon. They've 'chosen' 6 friends each but essentially they're shared friends and I would expect ppl to buy a present for each child as if I had two siblings with a joint party there'd be 2 presents. That's not to make me sound grabby but I think it's unfair to buy a joint present. But we're in a small school so diff to your situation.

Cadenza I don't like joint presents either but having done a birthday party for 40 children and getting 80 presents I have always been keen to find ways to cut presents down.

Certainly my twins are in different classes and so have different friends. They've started doing separate parties now which is double the work but easier in other ways.

Thanks everyone. Separate parties next year (or tiny sleepover!). For this year I've still got time to think over the merits of separate/joint invites... Your input has been valuable. Thanks.

No problem Deb I think we only just got it right the year before we moved to joint parties.

Perhaps they'll want a joint 18th though so I'll have another chance to get it right!

Annamarlow ouch! 80 presents is silly! Yes I see your logic. We've only ever had about 10 ppl so a lot more managable! You're a brave Woman to do a party for 40!

Cadenza it was a bit nuts but the kids had a ball. No entertainer either just me, 40 kids and lots of very silly party games. DH and DM in the background sorting out food and taking kids to the loos!

I've just put something along the lines of please don't feel obliged to buy presents, but if you do want to send a gift, just send one unnamed present and we'll share them between X and Y at the and of the party.