coping with twins and toddler

meiko · 2006-12-04T21:14:31+00:00

I have 3 month old twins and wee girl who is 20 months. I thought if I could get thru the first 3 months i would feel like i was getting somewhere it would start to feel marginally manageable. But it is still so so so hard and every day i have a poin t where i want to run away from it all. I feel so bad for my wee girl cos now i am so busy with the twins and she has to wait so much for everything. I'm scared she'll feel rejected although i try to smother her with affection and give her the attention i can. can anyone relate??

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Kelly1978GotRunOverByAReindeer · 04/12/2006 21:37

I really sympathise, it must be so hard with your youngest only 20 months. I have four children, a 6yo daughter, a 4yo son and 20 month old twin boys. It is rally hard, and I frequently feel like running away, but I jsut look at my older two and I know it will get easier one day.

I had a lot of problems with my older two, when the twins were born, because they do demand so much attention. Even now it seems like 95% of my time is with the twins and only 5% with the oldst two most days. But it has got a bit easier, there are a few things now that we can do with all the children together.

The only advice I can really offer is to try to make just a little bit of time for your daughter. Either half an hour when the twins go to bed, or half an hour to take her out on her own while dad has the twins. Even the smallest amount of time really can help. Involve her all you can with the twins, even jsut fetching nappies etc, to make her feel responsible and she will enjoy it. My twins are now 20 mnths and love helping out.
Soon they will be that much older and she will be able to enjoy siblings a bit more. Babies are rather borng but thankfully they don't stay that way long!

leogaela · 05/12/2006 12:59

I'm listening in for tips! I am 26 weeks pregnant with twins and have a 21 month old son.

Its one of my biggest worries about having twins. The only thing I plan is to get help so that I can spend time with my little boy alone, he will also go to dh's sister sometimes who will also be able to give him some 1 to 1 attention.

I think that as time goes by it can only get easier.

FrumpytheGrumpyreindeer · 06/12/2006 12:28

I found this bit so, so hard and if I'm honest, I still do a bit. I found MN when my twins were 8 months and it was a huge help at a point when I felt I must be doing a crap job of not coping!!

You are doing your best and even worrying about it will be a sure way of keeping a balance.

My twins are now 2 and my dd is 5. My DP takes my twins out for an hour on a saturday morning and I resist the urge to do anything else but spend that hour with my dd. We have spend the last 3 saturdays making xmas cars (cup of tea each, xmas music and chat). The kitchen looks a state around us but I feel that it is important I spend lovely time with her since at lots of other times in the day I can be shouting at her for arguing with the wee ones.

It is such a hard balance. The thing I remember is that when the babies are babies, they won't remember how much time you spend with them so if they can be left kicking on a mat for a bit, do it, don't feel guilty and just read a quick story to your dd.

Don't feel you have to be out and about, it is a struggle. Fresh air can be had in the summer when there is no coats/hats/blankets to fight with.

One thing that was beneficial to me was to have lots and lots of alternatives for the babies. I had one on a playgym, one in a bouncy door hang thing, move one to the babyswing, and then on to the bouncy chair. Keep rotating what they are looking at and what position they are in and it can buy you a little time.

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Original poster

meiko · 07/12/2006 09:26

thanks a lot folks. its good to know there are others out there who understand. friends who have children are great but its only peopl with twins who really understand

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ThrockenAroundTheChristmasTree · 07/12/2006 13:20

ooh - just stumbled over here and found you - now must go back and actually read the thread before I comment

ThrockenAroundTheChristmasTree · 07/12/2006 13:26

ok - scanned it quickly.

My DS1 is 18 months older than my twins - so a similar gap to yours. To be honest I don't remember a huge amount about the first few months - "twin haze" about sums it up.

Routine helped I think - making sure they were never awake for more than 2 hours at a stretch was key. Always feed and change at the same time if you can.

With the older one - you can do a lot of things while dealing with the babies - eg singing. The older one can also "help" changing nappies and fetching things.

Get our for a walk whenever the weather is nce - or puddle jumping - little ones in the pushchair - slow dawdle for the older one.

You will get through - honest.

FrostyTheSnowMarsLady · 07/12/2006 20:05

Meiko.... you're not alone and we're here for you. Soon you'll be giving advice to other twin mums like a pro.

Try not to be too hard on yourself. It's a lot of hard work, with a lot of joy attached.

Glad you found us on our regular thread. We love newbies and soon you'll be chatting away like the rest of us (FrumpyGrumpy is the main talker, but we let her lol lol lol )

My DTs are 2.10yrs. They are the youngest of 5! Sigh........... have some cake love and I'll tell you all about it!

Original poster

meiko · 07/12/2006 20:52

frosty you deserve a medal - 5!!!!! how do you do it?

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Original poster

meiko · 07/12/2006 20:55

throcken - what did you do for transport when your twins were born? I have this triple buggy - like a mountain buggy thing for the three of them cos i love to walk. but it is soi huge i can't fit it in anywhere and its so heavy you should see the state of me thying to get it in and out the car while the children scream the place down. I ma in dilema whether to sell it and get double buggy for twins and put DD in back carrier but then i am stuck when she needs to sleep. Hmmmmm the joys!

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Original poster

meiko · 07/12/2006 20:55

throcken - what did you do for transport when your twins were born? I have this triple buggy - like a mountain buggy thing for the three of them cos i love to walk. but it is soi huge i can't fit it in anywhere and its so heavy you should see the state of me thying to get it in and out the car while the children scream the place down. I ma in dilema whether to sell it and get double buggy for twins and put DD in back carrier but then i am stuck when she needs to sleep. Hmmmmm the joys!

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Original poster

meiko · 07/12/2006 20:56

oops seem to be a bit hasty with the old double click of the return!!
Also wondered - did your toddler start to waken when your twins were crying in the night - if so what did you do about it?

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ThrockenAroundTheChristmasTree · 08/12/2006 07:49

can't remember if DS1 was woken by the twins - I'm sure he did sometimes - but we probably told him to go back to sleep - and he got the right idea after a while.

We live in the country - so no option to walk to the shops (and actually we rarely went en masse to shops). We had no buggy at all for DS1 until the twins were born - be used a sling and then a backpack for him. Usually when they twins were little we tramped the fields near here with a sling each for the twins, and either DS1 walking or in a backpack (DH often did sling and backpack at the same time ). You can imagine what the looked like - we must have been notorious in the area. After that we had a double mountain buggy - usually combined with a backpack. Luckily mine are all lightweights so we could carry DS1 without too many problems.

The biggest hassle was getting them all to the surgery for injections in the early days - I got good at carrying 2 at a time while shepharding a toddler accross a car park !

tracykb · 08/12/2006 14:14

Hi Meiko

Know exactly where you're coming from. My DD1 was 20 months when my DTs were born and it was tough. My mum was a great help and DD1 was at nursery 2.5 days a week, so I was very lucky and rarely on my own with all 3. To echo what others have said - when your DTs are babies, set them up under play mat arch, bouncy chairs, etc and spend time with your DD1. My DTs were often happy just watching me and DD1 dancing or singing. It took a while, but they now all play together beautifully (some of the time ) and having them so close together is becoming more of a blessing than a pain.

DD1 was only woken rarely by our DTs, but probably because we were paranoid about it happening so didn't let them cry very much - consequently we had a few sleep issues with them. But it's amazing what they can sleep through, so I think we could have been less anxious about it and she would have been fine - judging by what she now sleeps through!

I hated the idea of a triple buggy and so even though DD1 was little and not a great walker, I got a double and in the early days if I was on my own, I'd put the lightest of the DTs in a sling (where she would sleep quite happily if necessary) and the other one in the buggy with DD1. That arrangement worked for about 6 months, then DT1 got too big, so DD1 would sit on top of the buggy hood if she got too tired to walk (she was/is very light).

HTH a bit - see you over on the other thread!

Original poster

meiko · 11/12/2006 21:56

thanks tracy. thats encouraging to know you're in same position and that you coped. how old are your twins now? i think we are going to go for the double buggy option and sell the big triple one we've got cos i rarely use it so was a waste of lot of money.

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FrostyTheSnowMarsLady · 11/12/2006 21:58

Hi meiko!

twinkletwinklelittletracy · 11/12/2006 22:15

Hi meiko

my twins are now 21 months (today ). The buggy I used (if you want a recommendation) was a nipper - absolutely loved it...really light and dead easy to manoeuvre. Unfortunately mine got nicked off my doorstep last w/e but I do have a back-up - a mothercare duolite, and if DD1 gets too tired when they're in this one, then I squeeze her in the middle!

How are things going?

FrostyTheSnowMarsLady · 11/12/2006 22:19

twinkletwinkletracy.... what b$st*rds!

Original poster

meiko · 12/12/2006 21:55

can't believe they stole your buggy!! Good to hear you find the double nipper good. we have a single one for DD1 and have found it great so are going to get a double one for the twins.
things are going ok. One twin now doing great at night - going 12 hours - i am so delighted. the other - the dummy dependant one is still unsettled from about 4am onwards but it feels a lot better. right now we have them sleeping in seperate rooms so that DT1 doesn't waken DT2 when he stirs. therfore me and DH are sleeping in seperate rooms. These pesky twins don't do much to enhance a marriage!!

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Original poster

meiko · 12/12/2006 21:57

what are folks thoughts on one twin waking the other during the day. would you leave them in the hope they get used to the noise or would you keep them seperated so that they sleep? at the moment i am choosing to try and keep them seperated for the sake of trying to get some peace but i want them to get used to each others noise. any thoughts?

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twinkletwinklelittletracy · 13/12/2006 20:31

Hi Meiko

It's amazing what they will sleep through, if they are used to the noise. But it really depends on what stage of sleep they're in...I find with mine that one night one can scream her head off and the other one stays soundly asleep, another night they'll both end up screaming!

My two have always shared a room - even when we did controlled crying they stayed together. We don't have the space for them to have separate rooms long term so unless you do, it might be an idea to get them used to each other's noise - otherwise you and DH will forget what each other looks like . And same applies during the day as well...my two have always napped in their cots - in the early months I was so obsessive about it, it kept me quite tied to the house, but it was worth it for the fact that they were quite happy and settled.

HTH