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Multiple births

When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

Original poster

mum of twins needs conversation!

26 replies

Abena · 09/11/2006 17:49

Hello is there anybody out there?I am a new mum of 7 week old twin boy and girl. I am new to motherhood, new to Bracknell and new to Mumsnet. Does anyone want to chat to a lonely (husband works during the day) 40 year old used to working and feeling quite bewildered by it all. Would be very grateful.

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chocolatemummy · 09/11/2006 18:11

Hello

only got one child and she hs just turned this week so not really in same position but thought I'd say hello and bump your thread for you.
First couple of months of new motherhood are very lonely I remember it well and in anew area, yes that ws me too! But with twins! you must be exhausted. Its hard work the baby bit, in a couple of weeks you should try and get to a toddler group and find some other new mums.

I am just about to move back to the Midlands where i am from originally as I have found it very difficult being a mum without family around

comebacksummer · 09/11/2006 18:22

Hi
I am in awe of anyone who has twins/triplets etc, as I was so appalling handling just one at a time! my tip is to get out as much as possible.. sounds desperate, but go to every mums& babes group and get chatting, and don't leave without arranging to meet someone away from the group- then you'll have a new bank of friends who are in a similar situation and can share your worries, make you laugh with revolting stories and chat with you over a well-deserved coffee. Good luck! And if you have specific worries or queries, post other messages.. people are always quicker to respond to direct questions than "hello" type messages, or so I reckon!

harrogatemum · 09/11/2006 18:55

Hi Abena! I am a Mum of 2 year old twin boys (non id) and expecting a 3rd baby in a fortnights time.......

Why dont you come over to the thread entitled "D'ya ever wonder how life carried on like this?". Its in the Multiple Births topic and it is full of lots and lots of crazy mothers of twins and more and we are all very friendly! You will be welcomed with open arms, the more the merrier! Plus we all have our own words of advice and experience if you have any questions.

See you over there!

throckenholt · 09/11/2006 18:59

hi, another twin mum here - mine are id boys nearly 4.

You have proably been through the worst now - soon you will be getting in your stride and getting some more sleep .

Twins are great - often hard work - but having two interacting is fascinating (and sometimes very funny !).

There are quite a few twins mums around here of varying ages (both mums and kids), and one with triplets.

I am 40 too - I am not sure I have got used to it yet .

lulumama · 09/11/2006 19:06

erm... i am a twin...does that count!!

welcome to mumsnet!

canadianmum · 09/11/2006 19:08

Mum of almost 4 yo non-id boys here.

The first 3 months is the hardest of the lot in my opinion so hang in there. Try to get them into a routine asap so you can get a bit of downtime when they are asleep.

I cried a lot during the first few months as I was so tired and hormonal and emotional. Now I cannot imagine life any other way and I mean that in a good way. My boys are fabulous, best friends and the best things that ever happened to me and DH. I thought I would be back at work by now but I love being a SAHM.

My biggest piece of advice would be, ENJOY them, try to have lots of cuddles and silliness. If I could go back I would spend less time tidying and more time cuddling.

And as someone already mentioned, go out every day, even if it is just to buy a newspaper and chat to the newsagent!!! Oh, and get as much help as you can - paid or unpaid!

good luck

frumpygrumpy · 09/11/2006 23:20

Hi Abena and welcome! Was just going to post what harrogatemum already has, pop over to the "d'y ever" thread. We are on there lots of times a day and lately we have had many new faces join us. Its busy over there and we share the good, the bad and the smelly

You're not bewildered at all, you are knackered, sore, and in the midst of the twin fog that will lift slowly. MN (and mainly the lovely girls I've chatted with on that thread) has rescued me many times over when I have been been drowning in the mud. I hope we can do that for you too.

Come on in, we'll make space on the couch, just bring yourself and we'll provide the cake (Mars makes wonderful lemon drizzle cake but I've yet to sample it for myself) and empathy .

frumpygrumpy · 09/11/2006 23:26

\link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=1216&threadid=225973&stamp=061019210644\this thread might give you a run down on who is who and who has what

frumpygrumpy · 09/11/2006 23:30

I'm new to linking, lets try again!

this thread might give you a run down on who is who and who has what

glamourbadger · 10/11/2006 14:01

Hi Abena

My twins are 7 months and I've been through a similar experience. I found the feeding endless and so little time to get anything done in between. Mine cried a lot at 7 weeks - my husband used to come home to find us all crying together or me sitting on the back steps crying into a white wine with my hands over my ears. I'm surprised he didn't run off!

To start with I really wondered what I had done with my life. I had a great job and a lovely easy life which was suddenly turned on its head. It does get better so hang in there. Each week from this point gets easier - more sleep, more time in between feeds, the strange alien creatures that have come to live you become little smiley people. I love my life at home with them now and seriously considering not going back to work.

Things that helped me hold things together were a strict routine and getting out for a walk a couple of times a day. I also believe structuring their daytime sleeps helped them sleep through the night from early on.

Everyone in the multiples section at MN has been really friendly and helpful - always someone here to answer your queries.

Original poster
Abena · 10/11/2006 16:57

I just want to say that I was so touched by the responses to my message. I am really surprised and already I don't feel so alone as it sounds like you know how I feel. It has just been me and my twins everyday and husband in the evening (lovely but doesn't completely understand) and I didn't realise how lonely I've been thinking I'm a bad mother for feeling down (irrational I know but sometimes you feel guilty don't you). THANK YOU for your responses and I am already hooked! Especially for reminding me of the positive as well as empathising.

OP posts:
missymoosal · 10/11/2006 17:36

Hi Abena
I live in Camberley and my twins are now 11 yrs old. Still remember the early days and how difficult things were.
Personally mine were a nightmare until the age of 2 and then they were suddenly fine. Sleep deprived for 2 yrs they took it in turns to wake up and cry, as soon as one was asleep the other one would start!!
My advice is feed them together whenever possible even if it means waking the otherone up. I was breastfeeding and if I hadn't done this I would have been a permanent milking machine sitting on the sofa!!
Sleep when they sleep sod the housework as long as you are getting some sleep it's easier to cope.
You are only up the road from me and I am usually around in the day (work nights) if you needed to escape the house you are welcome to pop over and we could meet up.

Kelly1978 · 10/11/2006 17:42

hi abena,

I'm even closer than missy, I'm in ascot!

I'm a mum to 4 children, my youngest are 19mnth old non id twin boys. Twins is a shock for anyone, hang on in there, it gets easier! Def agree with the suggestions of getting out of the house as much as possible, though it is hard with newborn twins. There is also a bracknell twins club that has evening meetups but I've never really been. They do have a summer party though, and that was great. About 20 sets of twins went and it was great to be in a whole roomful of people who accepted twins as normal!

I also go to a mother and toddler group on a friday in Ascot, on Fernbank road. It used to be run by two mums of twins, who are associated with the twins club. They have moved on now but there are often lots of twins there still.

Perhaps we could organise a twin mums meet up.

Original poster
Abena · 10/11/2006 18:00

Hello Kelly and Missy
thanks for replies and you're right about going to groups as I haven't gone to any. I called the Twins club in Bracknell and the person I bothered hadn't done it for four years! OOPS. Breastfeeding went oout the window after 6 weeks as I was mainly expressing and it became a bit of a nightmare, then it was alternate formula and BM and then all formula. Yes sleep deprivation is the main thing like all mums but sometimes they wake up every two hours at different times so feeding them together is a must.
Glamourbadger made me laugh about crying into the white wine with hands over ears....BEEN THERE!
I would love to meet up added problem, don't drive which adds to my twin practicalities. Somehow getting a double buggy on the bus isn't that easy.

OP posts:
missymoosal · 10/11/2006 18:02

Thats ok I can come round your way Kelly are you up for that?

Original poster
Abena · 10/11/2006 18:07

OK babies are crying and husband is home but I don't know why I didn't do this before. This is the more fruitful and reassuring converstaion than I have most days! Thanks all who answered, see you later

OP posts:
frumpygrumpy · 10/11/2006 18:26

Yeah! Glad for you Abena.

jollymum · 10/11/2006 18:33

Abena, lucky you, twice the blessings! Wish I was nearer so I could have a
cuddle...congratulations and welcome to Mumsnet.

Charellie · 10/11/2006 18:41

Hi

I have 4 year old twin DD's. I live in Sandhurst so not too far from you either

earlysbird · 10/11/2006 22:13

Abena I had the same experience with bf but my girls are healthy and lovely, 3 next month, which I can't quite believe! It is so completely overwhelming at first but I have to say it does just get better and better and I can honestly say I am glad I had twins so good luck to you, don't panic!

Kelly1978 · 11/11/2006 10:02

Hi abenea/missymoosal

Yes, I would be up for meeting near you if you fancy it. Whereabouts in Bracknell are you? Not sure where would be a good place to meet with lots of children! I took mine to whoosh soft paly last thursday and they loved it, but your are still sooo small.

Bfeeding is bloody hard with twins. I managed to keep going for a few months, but I had to express too. I was quite lucky that I found expressing very earsy, but I did get tired of the sheer amounts of milk.

If you fancy the mother and toddler group here in ascot, I could always pick you up, I have a seven seater and both my older two are in school all day on friday so I have plenty of room. My email addy is [email protected] if you'd like to get in touch.

missymoosal · 11/11/2006 10:12

I don't mind where mine will be at school as long as I'm back in time to pick my 6yr old up from school.
My email is [email protected]

Original poster
Abena · 11/11/2006 10:50

it's amazing how many people put supportive comments! It's nice to know that you're all out there having similar experiences and really encouraging to hear from mums of older twins as its what I've got to look forward to though don't want to wish this time away.
Thanks for the offer of going to mother and toddler group in Ascot Kelly. What happens with car seats etc, we have them in my husbands car/ You can see I'm new to all this! My email is [email protected]

OP posts:
Overrun · 11/11/2006 11:00

Hi Abena,
In a bit of a rush today, but sure we will speak more soon on the other thread. Can well remember how difficult it was in the earlier days. I have non indentical twin boys who have just turned two a couple of weeks ago.
Hang in there

harrogatemum · 11/11/2006 11:22

Abena - you need to come on over to our main thread!