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Multiple births

When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

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Original poster

"Phew, thank goodness it's not twins"

25 replies

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 06/05/2015 18:07

Hi everyone, I'm just here for a tiny rant. I keep reading the above on the pregnancy forum and it's annoying me. That, or " I hope there's only one in there " etc etc. When I've told a few people that I'm having twins, lots of people don't bother with saying congratulations, they just comment on how shocked and horrified I must be.
I'm 13 weeks now and honestly, i was shocked and horrified initially- we found out at 7 weeks. I'm completely terrified about how we're going to cope and the impact it will have on my dd. But it's starting to sink in and I'm imagining our future with two babies and a toddler and it will be so hard, but it will be amazing, won't it? Yet every time someone writes this or says it, it makes me feel more and more unlucky to have conceived twins.
This is a silly rant because had my scan shown just one, I probably would have been one of the 'thank goodness' people.

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AHamburgerinFrankfurt · 06/05/2015 18:11

It could have been triplets, OP! It used to give me a strange kind of pleasure to see people reconsider their tough times with singletons or twins when they saw my three.

On the other hand, it does get tiresome to hear this immediate negativity whenever you mention multiples.

Congratulations! It's marvellous and you'll come out at the other end being grateful and feeling blessed!

Twicethehugs · 06/05/2015 19:14

It takes a bit of getting used to. Avoid the pregnancy forum? When I told people face to face I either had horror or I'd love twins - nice to have more of a balance. Wait til you have them, you'll get lots of attention and random conversation with people which is fine but I got really sick of certain comments such as 'double trouble'. Mine are two now, it's hard work especially at first but there are lots of positives too, it's so lovely seeing them grow up together and I'm lucky mine get on well, most of the time anyway, and so they have a best friend around all the time.

Heels99 · 06/05/2015 19:18

Get used to it. 'You must have your hands full' you will hear that constantly.
Congratulations, twins are fab. Although a bloody killer in the early years.

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 06/05/2015 19:23

I realise now I've been one of these idiots on the pregnancy thread
Seeing friends with twins though they have such an amazing relationship with each other. Saw my friends two little babies (4 months) at the weekend and they will only sleep holding hands - such cuteness!

Original poster

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 06/05/2015 19:27

No it's not idiotic at all and I'm sure I said the same when I was pregnant with dd! I'm just so sensitive to it because I'm so bloody scared! All I want is for people to tell me it's no big deal and how lovely and everything will be fine.

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WillowKnicks · 06/05/2015 19:31

Congratulations!

I was terrified how I'd cope when I found out I was expecting twins but I read Double Trouble: Twins & How to Survive Them by Emma Mahoney & that made me feel that yes, I could cope.

I honestly found having my first DS harder than the DTs as I knew what I was doing a bit more by then allegedly

Yes it is hard but also amazingly rewarding & special. 2 women made a real point of telling me that they didn't envy me when my girls were about 2 months old...several times, in case I didn't hear the first time!!!! I just smiled sweetly & thought to myself if they know how ecstatic I was with my 2 beautiful babies they would soooo envy me

I honestly feel blessed to have had twins...& I would NEVER have chosen twins if I'd have had the choice.

Jenbird5891 · 06/05/2015 21:11

Hey, I know what you mean everyone has a comment to make when you say it's twins! We found out it was two at 13 weeks scan and I did feel quite shocked and worried for a few weeks and when you feel like that people's silly comments can shake your confidence. The thing is I'm now 31 weeks and am so happy to be having twins. I've spent the past few weeks reading other people's experiences and feel much more confident. I'm sure it will be incredibly tough at times but then I also think people like to make a drama out of things and many people have survived with two and more so no reason why you or I can't do the same! I also think what an amazing thing my body is doing to create two babies at once and that gives me a strange sense of confidence! I also think to myself how lucky that I will have two children after all this and won't have to endure a second pregnancy to get there :p having seen pregnant friends running round after toddlers I am grateful for this! Basically just ignore them people can be stupid and say dumb things but don't let them get to you xx

neversleepagain · 06/05/2015 22:59

I have had a lot of "You are so lucky" :)

And I am! Most women can have a baby, only a few can have two at once!

BettyCatKitten · 06/05/2015 23:12

Congratulations
Twins are brilliant!
I have dcda girls, they play together and share toys, they are far less demanding than my singletons and I found them easier as babies
I too got lots of horrified looks when I told people, always from those who hadn't had twins!

RockerMummy184 · 07/05/2015 15:20

Oh Guybrush I totally empathize with you!

I am absolutely sick to the back teeth of the negativity that comes with telling people I'm having twins!

I have had about 3 people congratulate me and tell me how special it is going to be and how envious they are because they would have loved twins, but the vast majority look at me with a look of complete devastation!

What I have started doing to make the whole thing more bearable is reply with comments as stupid as theirs, for example:
'oh my god, how will you cope?'...'oh I probably won't, I've heard of people just imploding when they cant "cope" so I think I'll probably do that one day!'

I have also bought a delightful T-Shirt from a website called CafePress that says 'I grow twins, whats your superpower?'

DinkyDye · 07/05/2015 19:50

OP l thought thankfully there's only one during my scan as l know l wouldn't cope and we would have to move to the other side of the world for a support unit. I hope though I've not said it on here and offended anyone!

But l have 3 friends who have twins (no other dc though ) and they are all amazing and the twins are just the sweetest things that while l am glad for me l know it's my friends who really are the lucky ones.

Original poster

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 07/05/2015 19:58

But I don't think I'm going to cope with two newborns and a toddler. And childcare is going to cost more than I make so we'll struggle financially. And we don't have enough bedrooms. There's a million reasons why it is going to be really hard. But I guess we've got no choice but to just... cope. Somehow.

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caravanista13 · 07/05/2015 20:02

I felt exactly the opposite! So many people saying how exciting, that they'd always wanted twins - I wanted to punch them on the nose and say it wasn't what I signed up for. Having said that, they're adults now and amazing.

parallax80 · 07/05/2015 21:41

I have 7 month old twins and a 2.4 yr old (19 months when they were born). You'll be fine. Childcare will be more than I make, but I make more than DH so he'll be at home for a bit. How many bedrooms do you need in the short term anyway? We've survived with 2 rooms - wouldn't be ideal with teenagers but that's a way off. I don't mean to belittle your concerns and it is hard going at times but then isn't everything in life sometimes?

And when people see you with 3 under 2 and say "oh you've got your hands full" just smile sweetly and say "yes, and all by different fathers!"

slippermaiden · 07/05/2015 21:45

I have twins, mostly the comments were how big my bump was. I didn't mind too much, I just felt proud about how fertile my husband and I were

MirandaGoshawk · 07/05/2015 21:51

I felt the same as caravanista - that people who said they'd always wanted twins were living in cloud-cuckoo land and that if I could re-wind the pg I would...

But I think the best way of looking at it is that instead of having two dch a couple of years apart, you're having them in tandem. That's all. It's just a different way of doing "the norm".

Mine are grown up now. They are very different but both lovely in their own ways. When they were small it was hard work - you need a supportive partner because it's a 2-person job! But things like days out, holidays and parties were all probably made easier than having two of different ages, so it's swings and roundabouts literally!

When I got comments about having two, I used to say "Yeah, I got a BOGOF deal"

MirandaGoshawk · 07/05/2015 21:53

Oh, meant to say that we lived in a very small one-bedroom place for the first two years of their lives. We didn't even have space for two proper cots. But they survived! xx

Original poster

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 08/05/2015 03:55

Thanks everyone. I know I'm being silky with my concerns and most of the time I can rationalise them away! It just gets a bit harder when other people seem so negative. Must grow thicker skin! I don't usually care too much what other people think, but when it confirms what I already secretly believe, it's hard not to be sensitive...

OP posts:

TheEagle · 08/05/2015 04:13

People can be very negative about multiples for some reason!

If my SIL had said "you'll have 3 children under 2" one more time while I was pregnant, I would have sat on her. So annoying.

My twins are almost 3 weeks old now and yes it is challenging, but I'm nowhere near as anxious (or clueless!) as I was when I had my DS1.

I think a lot of it is because I know everything is a phase and the hard times will pass. There are already some really lovely moments.

Congratulations, twins really are special. You will cope, you've no other choice! And when you look down at those 2 scrummy newborn heads, all that negativity will melt away

Eastpoint · 08/05/2015 04:27

When I was pregnant with dc3 one of my friends, who has twins, said what a pity it wasn't twins when I told her we were having another baby. She managed the feat of 4 under 3 when she had her twins... Congratulations Guybrush.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/05/2015 04:48

You WILL cope because you will. Just that, you will.

My mother had me and then a late MC, and then twins - I was 3 when they were born, so a bigger difference than you will have, but still - she coped.

It's a bonus that you've already had one, so you know what you are doing - harder if you have twins/multiples first, I would think!

I am definitely one of those for whom twins would have been a less-than-good outcome - not so much from the work point of view, but from the cost - living in Australia and travelling back to the UK to visit family and friends, that would have been so much more expensive :(

But also I didn't want to have the same family set up that I grew up with, mostly because I didn't like the 2 against 1 that used to happen so much - so 3 children was my least favourite number of children to have! And I wouldn't have had time to have another one after, already too old, and was really really lucky to have even managed 2.

Twins, once they're here and you are coping, will be great. Yes they'll be a bit more costly to start with, but you'll have a lot of fun with them. Be happy :)

littlesupersparks · 08/05/2015 07:20

I have a just turned 5 year old, a nearly 3 year old and 2 week old twins. The babies are the most gorgeous things you've ever seen and everyone is steamingly jealous of me!!! Xxx

TeenyTwins · 13/05/2015 13:10

Yes, people seem to remove the filter from their brain when making comments re twins!

It took me a long time to come to terms with having twins (already had 2 young dc) so didn't tell anyone apart from v close family until about 20 weeks, by that time I could tell people without bursting into tears and was better prepared for the awful comments.

Yes it's hard and I still get lots of comments daily when out with all four kids, but one of the nicest things is seeing how much they all get on with each other.

Ignore the comments, maybe get involved with a local twin group as they will provide support, info, and generally make you feel more 'normal'. Good luck!

honeysucklejasmine · 13/05/2015 13:21

I have a fraternal twin, and I would love to have twins! My elder DSis was 3 when we were born so poor mum was very busy (they'd only wanted two kids!) but it was great.

Plus, TTC sucks major arse, and I've not heard great things about pregnancy either! So I'd prefer to only do it once!

slightlyinsane · 17/05/2015 11:12

People can be massively insensitive at times and I think it's partly down to just not knowing what to say. I only had 1 person say she wished she'd had twins the rest just found it highly amusing I was going to have 5 kids. Yes it's hard work and some days are endless but it's amazing and your going to experience something that the majority of the population never will.
My girls are 1 next week and I can't believe how quickly it's gone, i haven't loved every minute of it but the good far outweighs the most horrific nights.
I Also allow myself to feel far superior some days, (self congratulating is more than allowed with multiples) when you see someone struggling with 1 baby or complaining that little Johnny was up twice last night and they're soooooooo tired. They have no idea how easy they have it and you will be coping sooooo much better.

You'll find your own response to the stupid comments you get like "I don't know how you do it" my usual line is that I drink, people are never really sure how to take it.
I'm Grateful for having 2 and can't imagine what it would have been like to only have 1

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