Getting hung up on routine for triplets

[treewithtriplets]

Hi everyone,

I've got 7wk old triplets born at 33wks. Finding it all quite hard going tbh! I don't feel that I've got them in a routine yet, started by trying to feed on a schedule, then went to demand feeding (wake the others when first one wakes), and now it's a bit all over the shop, they last anything from 3 to 5 hrs between feeds and as it takes 2hrs to feed all 3 I'm getting about 2-6 hrs sleep per 24hrs which is leaving me unable to think straight really! I just feel like I'm firefighting, dealing with each feed, not being consistent with them and not installing a long term routine. I don't play with them really, I just aim to get from feed to feed with them asleep for as long as possible. Feel like it's all running away with me really and just don't have the brain or energy to rein it all in.

Is it normal to just feel like you're going feed to feed at this stage? I just feel like i'm doing a shit job and making things worse for myself and for them.

Aaaaaaargh

Hi i have 7 month old triplets and unfortunately yes its is feed to feed at 7 weeks. Im still surviving on 4-5 hours sleep a night. Try get as much help from family/friends/homestart as you can. As they get bigger and there feeds space out abit you can start developing the routine then. I managed to get two feeding at the same time during the day by about 14 weeks so that saved some time, thereforw this led time to play with them abit more. Although there 7 weeks there techniqally newborns with being early, my healtj visitor told me this matters for the first year+!
Sorry i know ive been no help but it doea get better

Even with twins I think it is normal to feel like you are going from feed to feed and nothing else in the world is real! If they are actually settling between feeds and not screaming the house down to be picked up you are already doing better than I was I know plenty of people who had brilliant routines but still found it all consuming and sometimes the routine made them even more anxious as they were clock watching continually. I demand fed in the sense that I fed them when they were hungry but I still had a sort of loose routine in my mind - every 4 hours minimum and wake them up if they hadn't woken. 3 hourly is better for such small babies in the day - you might find as they get more wakeful they will start switching naturally to three hourly demand. My littlest at 5Ibs 38weeks tended to sleep and only wake every four hours (she needed to sleep) once she put on weight she demanded more frequent feeding. Has a health professional advised you on how frequently they should feed in relation to their weight?

I think one of the things about multiples is that you have to surrender sometimes to not being in control - it is enough to just keep them warm and wellfed - nothing you do on paper really matters. But a routine can be a way of ensuring you feel confident that they are getting food at the right time and sleep at right time. But if they are growing alert and sleeping well you are ALREADY doing the right thing.

Apropos sleep - is there a point in the day that you can earmark as Naptime for you and the babies with phone off hook no jobs catching up on and someone around who might be able to be on standby to pick up crying baby/ies. Tbh it is the anxiety that one has to wake up at short notice that stops any restful sleep.

Are there any jobs you can jettison in favour of sleep or rest/cuddling babies - minimum clothes changes ready meals get visitors to take two babies out for a walk so you can just cuddle one everything you need on the sofa ready made up formula in cartons for bad days. And just people to hang around and hold babies for you. Sometimes trying to do it all yourself is a false investment you get good at it yes but in the process you get so worn down that the babies lose out.

Everyone feels so tired and exhausted 7 weeks in singletons mothers too you are certainly NOT failing in any way.

Can you speak to your health visitor and ask if you can get a Home Start volunteer? They will come round for a couple of hours once a week and should help take a to y bit of pressure off.
I have twins and know how hard the first few months are. You are doing a fantastic job!!

Congratulations!

I only have twins, they were 31 weekers and honestly, it was feed feed feed for a while.

They don't need to be played with, they just need to be fed, clothed and changed - they're effectively just term. Do what you need to do to get through this stage. I don't know how you would do it with three but if one of mine woke to be fed I would wake the other, this helped to get them at least on the same schedule which definitley helped as they got bigger.

You are most definitely not doing a shit job.

Thank you so much for the replies everyone, it means so much to hear from others who've been through this stage and come out the other side! I'm really relieved to hear it's pretty normal to feel like there's just basic maintenance going on rather than actual mothering at this point.

All those tips about wheedling out a bit of time for cuddles and sleep are great. No homestart in my area unfortunately, I've found out - and not really any friends or family to call on to do any independent feeds etc - but tbh if I know what I'm doing at the mo is enough and is normal, then I can live with the lack of sleep!

Absolutely agree though the anxiety about having to get up is what kills it - someone said to me 'they say nap when baby naps but that's so hard as you just want to gaze at them as they sleep' and I thought 'no, it's so hard cos you're thinking when's one of the little buggers going to scream at me'! Many a time I've lain awake though I'm pooped and they've sleep through for 2 hours, makes me so angry with myself!

Really good to know that the routine can wait a bit. I've started getting worked up about them knowing what's night and day, and doing same thing each day so they know what's coming, but when feeding on demand that's near impossible, and also just having a dr or hosp appt throws everything out of whack too. So hearing that going feed-to-feed is normal, honestly, it makes me feel so much better.

I still suspect I'm doing a slightly shit job, but slightly shit is better than wholly shit so I'll take that for now!

Thanks again everyone, you're all lovely xxx