Telling people the date of your section

[2015isgoingtobeBIG]

Hello

So as T1 is breach we're expecting to be told we'll have a planned section and get a date at the next appointment (33 weeks right now). Apart from worrying about a surgical wound I'm ok with this but it throws up the question of when to tell people. My mum's anxiety levels are rising already (longstanding medical diagnosis) and we've had stressed phone calls when I've not updated her about a scan (forgot to tell her it wasn't until 5pm so she presumed it was earlier in the day and therefore no contact was bad news...). She lives 2-2.5 hours drive away and my dad lives 3 hours drive away whilst my in laws are only 20-30 minutes away. I've read the info sheet for my hospital about elective sections and it makes it clear there may be many reasons why things take longer than planned (more pressing emergencies going ahead of us, it taking longer for me to recover in the recovery room, obviously anything more serious during the procedure and with the babies) but that a lot of this is all within normal non-worrying reasons and we will be kept informed if there us a delay. Fine for us but if my family know we're booked in that day and we haven't updated them, I have visions of them stressing outside the hospital or worse trying to call us. The alternative is to not tell them at all and then only call them once the twins are safely here and we're ready to break the news but then do I allow my in laws to come and visit that day because they can get there quickly even though my own parents would be unlikely to make it in time for visiting hours. The final alternative is we don't tell them the day, tell them once the babies are here and then tell them when visiting is the next day.

I favour the last option as I don't know how I'll physically feel after giving birth and it means all grandparents meet their first grandchildren on the same day but I feel very selfish basically saying they can't see them on their birth day.

What has been your experience in a similar situation? What would be your favoured option in my position?

Thank you! I'm sure there are a million other things I should be worrying about above this but this is one issue I know will cause my DH stress on the day if we don't get it right because it will be him people call.

Both my twins were breech so I was given c section date at 34 weeks(for 37 weeks). We only told the babysitters and swore them to secrecy as I didn't want everyone knowing in advance. As it turned out the twins decided to come early at 37 weeks do had c section early. No one could have visited on the day as only partners were permitted in recovery. I wasn't moved tithe ward until the following day when my mother in law visited with DS. My parents live2.5 hours away so couldn't come until the weekend. By the time babies arrived I wasn't worried who saw them first, I was too busy marvelling over our two babies So personally I would suggest you don't tell anyone until you're ready. No one needs to know unless you need to organise childcare. It certainly worked for us. Good luck!

Just to add my c section was at 2.15pm and I wasn't sent to the ward until the following day despite no complications. Whilst it maybe be different for your hospital I wouldn't necessarily expect to be permitted visitors other than your OH on the birth day.

You could tell them a fake date a week after your actual date. Your mother would have a date to focus on rather than worrying you haven't told her and then you could pass off the actual date as "they decided to bring it forward"

It may not even be an issue. Like pp I had my date set as twin 1 breech but she decided to kick things off two weeks earlier than planned date anyway so took all of us by surprise.

If you do tell them the date, and you make it to the date, then just give them the heads up that phones will be off so if they want to fret and stress leave them to it

I don't know what I'll do - only 14 weeks so early days, but will definitely be requesting a section. In-laws will babysit older child, so I suppose they'll have to know. My family are miles away, and they're worriers, so I'm tempted to keep it quiet from them if possible.

I was told to go in for 7am, Section started at 1.30pm. Obviously those needing an emergency section need to go first so I have no problem with that. My parents were at our house looking after DS1. My parents visited the next day in hospital. Don't forget, out of surgery you will have catheter in and won't be able to get off the bed and starting to try and bf etc (if you are bf). I have to say, I did feel a lot jollier after my section than I did after the mega arduous 'natural' birth I had with DS1!

Good luck. x

My dh's family became very anxious during my pregnancy. If we didn't answer the phone (normally because we were at work) they'd assume something awful had happened. We decided not to tell them our planned date but said it would be the end of that week. They could not have coped waiting for news. In the end babies came 2days early anyway and in such a rush no one knew about it till the next day. Think that was the best way.