maternity nurses

[Cl]

A friend is pregnant with twins (what is it with my friends, isn't one ababy good enough?!!) and jhas asked me for maternity nurse recommendations. She's based in London and is particularly keen to have someone who's done twins before. nayone got any recommendations?

I've just had twins and have currently got a maternity nurse from a London based agency called Maternally Yours. They seemed to have quite a selection of Maternity Nurses who had experience with twins or triplets.

Wouldn't someone to clean, cook, shop and iron be a lot more useful than a maternity nurse? What's a maternity nurse do??? If a mother is bf, then she needs help with all the non-baby work more than she needs help with the baby...or am I missing something???

A doula is what you need! Unless it is someone she wants to do nights and get the baby into a routine, then it is a matenity nurse she'd need. Top Notch Nannies for doulas. Tinies for maternity nannies, (I'm registered with both and have done training with them)

But what does she do, Alibubbles? Will the doula cook, clean, iron and shop??? I have some interest in this, as a close family member is expecting twins and they are tallking about getting maternity nurse, and we have had some slight discussion on it. I can't see the point of getting anyone unless they do the practical non-baby stuff.

Message withdrawn

I think it depends on the type of person you are, probably. I just wanted to be alone with my baby twins and partner and would have hated a maternity nurse. I really dislike both telling people what to do AND being told what to do so I'm sure it would have been a disaster! I agree with Tiktok that someone unobtrusively cleaning/washing/shopping would have been bliss! But, as Bloss says, we're all different and some people might find that a maternity nurse was a wonderful source of advice and help in those difficult early days.

A post-natal doula will cook, iron, take care of older children, take care of the new baby(ies) (bath, walk,...) etc... What ever the new mum will find useful. She doesn't stay the night. It is probably cheaper than a maternity nurse.
Another place to find doulas is www.doula.org.uk (not an agency so no fee to pay and they are listed by areas).

Maternity nurses are baby-centred while doulas are mother and family-centred. A maternity nurse will give you 24-hour care for six days a week and will get up at night with the baby and set a routine for him or her. A doula will help the mother to do the mothering. She will give advice and help with breastfeeding, help calm her fears, help with housework, and encourage the mother to care for herself as well as the baby.

I'm with Bloss on this one (surprise!) - if I won the lottery I'd have the lot, maternity nurse, housekeeper, cook, doula, swimming pool attendant! Can anyone have enough help with a newborn baby?? I'd go for it if I had enough money - it costs around £500plus per week for a maternity nurse and you have to feed them and provide a room for them too. A friend of a friend had a maternity nurse for several weeks after the birth and I got a description of the relaxed, well-rested mum feeding/playing with her baby and then having a relaxed tea and chat with my friend, while the maternity nurse tidied the kitchen, sorted out all baby stuff, changed nappy, then whisked baby away for a walk. It's like being Madonna! I think doulas are a bit cheaper and am seriously considering it if I ever have another baby - this one's got to sleep through the night first...

CL
Top Notch Nannies in London (directory inquries will have number) do maternity nurses as well as doulas and seem pretty efficient and organised. I looked into it, but decided couldn't afford it - and dh didn't like the idea of a stranger living in our house - esp if they were there in the evening/overnight. The people I spoke to at the agency seemed very nice and they can find you a nurse who has exp with twins. The fee wasn't loads - not compared to the cost of the maternity nurse anyway - and they really vet their nurses with police checks and everything. I would prefer that to just getting someone who hadn't been checked out.

I'd go for the Scummymummy option, if I had the money. There's no way anyone else is getting their hands on my baby!

As for the 'advice' bit - hmmmm. I think 'giving advice' is somewhat disempowering to a new parent. Isn't it better to give a woman well-founded information so she can make up her own mind and then she can be supported in that choice?

I had a maternity nurse for 4 weeks after my ds was born and have mixed feelings about them. It is VERY hard having someone living with you at such an amazing time of your life when you just want to be 'your new family unit' and it didn't help that I didn't get on with mine at all. She picked at alot of things I did and gave my ds formula when I wanted to breastfeed only. As a result I spent a huge amount of time on phone to mum getting reassurance that I wasn't going mad.

The way we found of coping with this was to get my dh to speak to her about anything I couldn't face bringing up (I was very emotional) and a couple of times I actually lost it with her myself. I tried to remember that it must be a very hard job moving from place to place where your boss is always a very tired and teary new mother.

BUT BUT BUT - I managed to sleep alot when she was here which was great for getting over a c section and by the time she left ds knew the difference between night and day. So, I would have another maternity nurse next time (clearly not the same one) and I would feel much stronger about what it was that I wanted her to help me with. It is a very good idea to interview her with someone else there whose judgement you trust, to think out all possible questions you want to ask beforehand and to make it absolutely clear how you wish things to go when she is with you. If she doesn't like it, then find someone else. Better to find that out beforehand.

How to find one? The agencies mentioned before + Annies Nannies I think. One of the best ways though is through friend of friend of friend recommendation if you can.

I think this must be horses for courses....I would hate someone coming in and sorting my baby out into a routine and so on....sounds like programming the video (which I can't do, so maybe that's not a good analogy!). I think it would be utterly pointless to have one who annoyed you, or did things you didn't want her to do. Help with burping and settling and taking for a walk is very useful, yes...that's what dads and grandmothers are for, not a maternity nurse. Of course if there is no other adult around, I can see a need. Doulas sound good, if they care for the whole family and don't mind doing lots of housekeeping type jobs.

I agree Tiktok..the one message which stayed with me from ante-natal classes was make sure you have a 'babymoon' where you're allowed to say No to visitors, or ask them to go after a certain length of time. I had my parents to stay for 4 days after the birth of my dd (they live too far away to come for the day) and even though I love them dearly my dh fixed up a b&b for them for a couple of nights so we could have some space (even if it was a bit scary being left alone for the 1st time). Having someone to do the housework and look after the rest of the family sounds fab, a bit like the extended family business which lots of us sadly don't have immediate access to.

The good thing about doulas is that they don't stay around for more than the others you want. So it is common for themto come for 3 to 4 hours and maybe you can nap while they tody up, play with/care for the baby....

I think it really comes down to individual maternity nurse as to how much non baby help they're prepared to give. Mine has taken over all the washing, takes my 3yr old on walks to the park with the babies, picks him up from nursery, makes me lots of snacks & cups of tea and even meals sometimes. I was very anti having help the first time round but with twins I think it's essential. The babies sleep in her room so I only get up to bf during the night. She also takes them out for a long walk twice a day which gives me time to rest or spend time with my older son.

Sorry tiktok , haven't had time to reply to your post about what a doula does, but Pupuce has done it very well., better than I could and I trained to be one!!

Seriously, they will do anything you ask them to (within reason!) to make life more comfortable and restful and less stressful at the time of having a new baby around, and yes, they help out with older kids, housework, the huge basket of ironing, do your weekly shop, whatever YOU need to make you feel good!

Charges are about £10-£15 an hour, minimum of £4 hours, but that can be down to the individual doula, if you wanted less hours per day.

Some doulas also work as ante natal doulas, and help you through the birth process if that's what you want. It appears that less and less male parters/DH's are wanted in the labour room, (Michel Odent also says they inhibit the labour process) and more women want a female birth partner. HTH!

Someone supporting you in labour and helping you communicate with healthcare staff - yes, I understand all that bit of a doula, and in the absence of other birth support, could be worth the money (though if you have an average 10-12 hour labour , it could be expensive) . The supportive bit afterwards at home I don't really 'get', sorry. Yes, someone to help care for other children could be useful. Someone to mop the floor and do the shopping could be useful. But it seems like quite a high wage....still, each to their own

Birth doulas charge a fee not by the hour. So if you have a 5 hour labour it might turn out to be expensive but if you have a 48 hours one.... the doula will loose out !
Birth doulas do this out of passion not money : trust me - you don't get rich by being a birth doula!

Birth doulas also meet pregnant mums (several times) before their labour to discuss what choices they want and help them prepare for labour (if you can do such a thing). These are tasks which would be done by a midwife if they had the time but the 10 minute appointment you get every time isn't really enough to get a conversation and a rapport going. (hope I do not offend Leese and Mears)

There are some new mums (I know 2 personnally) who really could have used a doula... they were overwhelemed with what had happened (difficult labour, bf being very difficult,...)they could use the extra pair of hands to take care of the baby, they didn't know where to start (one had never changed a nappy or bathed a baby and felt very unsure)... Not everyone is comfortable with this big change - that's why there are so many books out there. Not everyone trusts their instinct and maybe sometimes they shouldn't anyway !!!

So while some of us just CAN'T imagine using a doula, it makes a lot of sense to others.

This is why I have teamed up with a cleaning lady - friend - who will do the cleaning (for less than!) and I will be doing the suport to the mother/baby and other children... This involves taking care of all children whilst she rests, cooking dinner/tea for all, doing school rounds, supporting her while breastfeeding,...
Not all of us (and I am one of those BTW) have friends or relatives near by to give a hand... when DD was born I had another child and a husband who had to be away in the US for 3 weeks... I didn't hire a doula because I didn't know they existed... but I wish I had. We have no relative in this country (and none that could come for more than 48 hours anyway) and I had no friend I felt I could turn to for help... so I was on my merry way every morning to drive DS to nursery with a tiny DD... luckily he went to nursery 3 days a week as it was my only chance to rest a bit ! I had to bathe him while still very sore (after nursery he needs a bath - trust me!!!)... then he would act up and refuse to go to bed and I had to bf DD with a tantrum on my side... it was at time quite a handful. I do wonder how single mum do it to be honest !

Pupuce, absolutely no offence taken! I absolutely love my job as a midwife and am very committed. As with all professions, not everyone performs to the same standard. If I could not be assured of the care I wanted in labour then I would probably be interested in a doula. Midwives often pick their own friends to look after them when in labour so that they can be assured that they get the care they want. No differenmce really.

Cl
When is your friend due and how long does she want a maternity nurse for? A friend of mine who is an experienced nursery nurse/nanny/maternity nurse did a maternity nursing job for twins last year. She is currently staying in Poole and looking for work there but may move back to London for a while if she can't find work in Poole. I haven't mentioned it to her, I just saw your message and thought I'd reply. She may not want to work here, but I can ask if your friend is still looking. Also, which part of London?

I am 28 weeks preg with twins and am also considering getting some kind of help. I can't decide whether a cleaner would be more helpful or a nanny type person. Obviously both are expensive and I would only be able to have them a couple of times a week but I am kind of hoping to find a nice 'wifey' that does a bit of both. I am up in Aberdeen so if ANYONE knows of a suitable cleaner/mothers' help by any chance I would be really grateful.

Again I'd suggest you look at getting a doula... the www.doula.org.uk has doulas in Scotland ! At least call them to see what they can offer and at what price.
Good luck.