Sibling rivalry 9yo twins

[duckyfuzz]

Also posted in preteens...DTD1 is being consumed by jealousy of her twin sister.

Context - DTD1 has always been the extrovert, is academically the most able and has been 'teacher's pet' throughout school - so far. Since Sept DTD2 has suddenly found some confidence, is getting on well and is a favourite of their teacher (single form entry so in the same class) and DTD1 can't handle this at all.

We've had a chat about being pleased for her sister, pointed out the number of times she's been the one chosen to do jobs for various teachers and that if anyone else was treating her twin like she is at the moment she'd be the first to defend her. Any suggestions as to how else to snap her out of this attitude? Its really affecting everything she does!

It sounds like a low self-esteem/confidence issue. Just because she has always been an extrovert doesn't mean she is confident - in fact she could be trying to mask her lack of confidence by being loud and chatty.

Now that her twin sister is getting more attention/praise etc, it could be validating her thoughts that people prefer her sister/that her sister is a better person than she is (obviously these things aren't true, it just might be how she perceives the situation).

Therefore I would put some time in with her alone reassuring her that you love her for her, not for how she does academically/whether she gets merit marks at school or not. Hopefully this will bring up her self-esteem and she won't feel the need to compete with her sister for popularity and praise and can be pleased for her when she does well.