Having another after twins..

[mrstea]

Hello
I'm not a regular here, so hello! Hope this is the right place to put this!

We have 3.5 yr old b/g twins, and increasingly I'm finding myself thinking about having another. DH isn't keen - think he feels two is plenty! I'm torn - I think I'd always regret not at least trying, I feel so sad thinking that we might be 'done'. I don't feel done!!

But at the same time, the practicalities weigh heavily on my mind - bigger house/extension, bigger car(s), the age gap (it'd be at least 4.5 years even if we started trying right away), money - I had to give up work when the twins came along so wouldn't get mat pay; the difficulties of getting out and about - my family live abroad, and we'd basically never see them! It costs a fortune as it is to go home, in laws are helpful(ish) - usually with a large dose of judgement. So, we wouldn't have much help either.

There's also the health side - had a c-s as they were both breech and lost a great deal of blood. GP says that I would prob have to have another c-s and prob about 36 weeks. I worry about complications and the recovery.

And then, what if it's twins again! There isn't a family history before me, but of course, I'm now 36, with twins already. Part of me thinks, well, we've done it before, we could do it again if needed. The age thing also worries me with the higher risks of eg Down's.

I know there's no 'right' answer to this, but I guess what would help me would be to hear/read experiences of those who've had another child after twins, and also those who decided not to.

thanks in advance!

I had another one after twins - situation was slightly similar in that initially DH wasn't keen, my parents live abroad for most of the year and my MIL doesn't help out very often. I did go back to work p/t though after the twins which meant I'd get maternity pay. For me, I just wanted another child, I wanted the chaos of having a large family, I didn't feel "done" and I desperately wanted a 2nd pregnancy (I had my twins early and think -with hindsight - that I wanted the normal labour/birth experience that I felt I'd missed out on last time). I also have a twin sister and wanted my DD to have a sister! I know she had DS, and why was I bothered about DD having a sister and not DS having a brother, but that was my thinking! We had a 3 bedroomed house, DTs have always shared so had a spare room, had a car that would easily fit 3 seats across the back so there wasn't going to be that much financial outlay. Having said that, I eventually had a 4 year age gap, and if Number 3 hadn't been born, I could have increased my hrs as the DTs started school. With those extra days to work, and no nursery fees to pay, we would have been significantly better off (and if I do ever put my logical head on, thats the main factor - knowing that we'd have had extra money to have a bigger house / nicer holidays etc if we hadn't have had Number 3). BUT heart rules the head in my case and although we gave up actively trying for Number 3 (having been told we were unlikely to conceive) but I got pregnant by a fluke and she arrived 3 years ago. It is manic, expensive, hard work but the DTs absolutely love her (funnily enough the relationship is stronger between DS and Number 3 than between the 2 girls) but they have gained so much from having her. She loves them to pieces, DS is her playmate and DD loves the responsibility of being the "big sister". We do sometimes look at each other and imagine the calm we'd have had without running around after 3, but we wouldn't have it any other way. We both feel like she completed our family (cheesy I know) and I don't pine when I hold newborns or see pregnant ladies any more.

Good luck whatever you decide. Sorry, that got long!

hi Mandy
thank you for your reply - I can really identify with most of what you say - the not feeling 'done' and the pining feeling. It's really encouraging to hear that you have done it and it has worked out for you!

x

Hi, I haven't got exact experience of this (have a toddler and 4-month old twins, so other way round) but just wanted to say that it's worth doing your research about whether you would definitely need a CS if you're worried about complications and the recovery. I was told I'd need one 2nd time round (had one with my first as he was a very big baby - I'm diabetic), because of it being twins, being 'high risk', being diabetic, and having had a CS before. But actually after doing my research I discovered that the reasons for this, and the risks, were so tiny, and actually less 'important' than the risks a CS poses! (e.g. hysterectomy). I fought for a vaginal birth and was so glad I did. (I got it, was lucky enough to have no problems delivering, and it was amazing :) )