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Twins and a toddler!

21 replies

LookAtHerGo · 19/07/2012 15:19

Yes, so I've just found out I'm pg with twins. My DD is 10 months old!

This is going to be very very interesting.

Anyone else had a small gap to find out the 'second' is actually their second and third?

I'm quite happy and chilled about it tbh. :)

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
mummypigof3 · 19/07/2012 22:06

DD was just 2 when the DTs arrived. We are slowly getting there!

LookAtHerGo · 20/07/2012 04:04

How old are your DTs now?

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mummypigof3 · 20/07/2012 11:53

My DTs are 6 months now. It's pretty hectic round here but all worth it when you see the close bond between the 3 of them. There are quite a few others with twins the second and third time round on here. I am sure they will be along with some pearls of wisdom soon. Grin good luck with it all x

doublemocha · 20/07/2012 12:13

My friend has twins via IVF and then became pregnant naturally when they were 6 month old, there is 15 months between her 3.

I was astonished how well she coped but she just kind of 'let go' of all the things that we think matter (cleaning etc) and went with the flow for the first 3 years. Her house was trashed, which is hard to imagine when you see it now! I asked her once how she did it (I was in awe, no family with 200 miles and DH works long long hours, she was basically on her own) and she told me that she always told herself two things - having all three within fifteen months was never ever as stressful as trying to have children and not being able to, which they did for nearly 5 years before the IVF worked. And also that 'everything is just a stage, this will pass, this will pass'

In terms of discipline, she picked her battles and focussed on the one that was important to her at that stage, got that right and moved onto something else. So, she might ensure the children always said 'please' and 'thank you' but not pick up on them using their fingers to eat and smearing ketchup all over their plates (bad example, but you get the picture!) until she was ready to tackle this.

I think the hardest thing she found was the stage before the twins were old enough to walk anywhere far and parks etc, as she couldn't be in three places at once. So, they have a large garden which they used a lot until she was ready to cope further afield.

I probably shouldn't say this, but I read some posts that people make about behaviour etc and following everthing through always and I would love to put them in my friends shoes for a week at that stage of her life!!

Her three children are not 12 and (nearly) 11 and are delightful, well mannered, beautiful children, who are exceptionally close.

Sorry - waffled a bit, I am multi tasking!

doublemocha · 20/07/2012 12:15

Sorry, I haven't checked my message, apologies for typos and spelling too!

doublemocha · 20/07/2012 12:16

Oh - and if she had been up all night with the three children, the TV or DVD was used the next day, simple!

Lemele · 20/07/2012 14:01

Yes - as mummypig says there are several of us on here Grin

My twins are not far off 4 months old and my DS is 26 months (so he was not quite 2 when they arrived).

It's all good fun, very very tiring but a lot of it is not worrying too much about things. I struggled a lot in the first couple of months when I basically could get no housework done and lived in a mess (I'm not talking about pristine house here, but the basics like having a clean plate were hard to come by as my DH is allergic to housework!). Now that I have an hour or so to myself in the evenings I only worry about the basic washing up, clothes washing, occasionally vacuum but really don't worry about it too much! And rest comes first - if I'm too tired it can wait, although there is a strange therapy in having a few moments peace to wash up some dishes... Hmm

A big part of getting through each day for me is going out every day, even if it's just round the block and back. I try to find something to do every morning, so that there's something to aim for/distract me (and my toddler)! So I have things like toddler groups, have coffee with a group of mums every week, take my toddler to a playgroup for a couple of hours, and so on. It also means that if we have a couple of days in I don't feel too cooped up. Also trying to make good use of any outside space you have for the same reason.

Oh and not picking up on every problem but likewise making sure you're not letting things slip too much in terms of behaviour (only because it's so hard to rein back in again!)

If you have any specific questions feel free to ask or PM me Smile And just to warn you that the pregnancy in itself could be a big struggle too - just telling you so that you aren't shocked about that if it is!

Emphaticmaybe · 20/07/2012 14:49

Hi LookAtHerGo - I would second everything doublemocha has said regarding her friend's approach.

I was in the situation where I had a toddler and newborn twins and then twin toddlers and a newborn and had a very similar philosophy. I'm naturally an organised person but in order to preserve my sanity and give the children and myself what we needed I had to give up control in some areas. The house wasn't as clean and tidy as I would have liked, clothes were worn longer before they were washed and outings were generally kept simple.

If I felt something was stressing me and getting in the way of being the kind of mum I wanted to be it was dropped - basically for those early years I kept life as simple as I could and prioritised quality time with them, (and some for me alone) above everything else. Also like doublemochas's friend I picked my battles regarding behaviour, tried to remain consistent with the big stuff and ignored the irritating, but ultimately unimportant, minor stuff.

I'm not going to lie - they were tough years but there was also a lot of pleasure from seeing them all together and their interactions. I did use DVDs and TV for a quiet time each day and to get the basics done but I also found as they got older they were entertainment for each other - a ready made playgroup, and were seldom bored.

The eldest is off to uni in September and the others are in secondary school now. Looking at them I'm glad I was laid back when they were small and we all got to enjoy that time - it doesn't seem to have harmed them - they're pretty well-rounded kids and I've managed to keep my sanity - just,Grin

Congratulations and good luck.

Emphaticmaybe · 20/07/2012 14:52

Great ideas from Lemele too, Smile

harrygracejessica · 20/07/2012 18:19

My eldest was 15 months when the girls arrived 7 weeks early then when the eldest had just turned 4 and the girls nearly 3 I had my second set of twins. Have to admit the 2nd set are a lot more difficult than the first set so a lot depends on the children anyway.

My OH works shifts so I have to do the school run with 5 kids on my own - definitely pick your battles, one of my huge ones was learning to walk decently when out with the buggy and the big 3 have been fab with this and the boys will be taught the same from a young age.

Housework does take a back seat but when I was pregnant I had horrendous SPD so had to let some of it go anyway and trained the OH to help more which he did but I have just given in and got myself a cleaner because I hate the mess and quite frankly I'm shattered (I don't drive so I walk everywhere and do 3 school pick ups and drop off daily.

LookAtHerGo · 20/07/2012 18:57

Thanks everyone. I'm quite calm over the prospect of it, but there are obviously a lot of questions that are crossing our minds at the moment. My philosophy is that I can only do my best, and that will be good enough :)

My DP's biggest worry is the car situation, how do you fit 3 small ones into the back of a 'normal' car?!

Mine is more to do with feeding the twins and DD and myself when the twins are cluster feeding, if they do that, my DD always seemed to wake when it was time for me to eat! But I'm sure it'll work out when it happens :)

Can you put twins in one cot in the initial stage?

Has anyone used a moby wrap with twins?

I'm sure there will be loads more questions.

I am shattered at the moment, my DD is very active and on the verge of walking, so I'm up and down all day to her, I suppose that's the way it is, but I feel so shattered. Quite prepared for a very early finish to go on maternity leave! I'm not actually back at work yet! Shock

I expect a microwave will come in handy!

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Lemele · 20/07/2012 19:54

how do you fit 3 small ones into the back of a 'normal' car?! - You can't, really. We had to get a new car (but then we had a tiny beaten up one which we needed to replace anyway) to fit in the seats, but also the pushchair!!

Can you put them in one cot - yes, do, saves much-needed space and arguably helps them settle better...

I felt full term at something like 6 months, so yes you prob will want early leave...I had pretty bad SPD too and still coped with my DS ok so I'm sure you'll be fine, you sound like you will be!

LookAtHerGo · 20/07/2012 20:06

Thanks lemele. I had SPD/PGP with my DD so a bit Hmm about it with 2 in there but I'll get through it, I did last time. I must admit though I had the best time in the last 5 wks of my first pg, I felt really well, can only hope to feel half as good. The rest of my pg was dreadful though!

I did wonder when you a got to 'full term' size and just how you feel.

Yep, the car thing is as my DP thought.

And brill about the cot, I'm presuming it's ok till they start rolling/ moving a lot.

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toomuchpink · 20/07/2012 20:38

My DD1 was two-and-a-half when the twins arrived. Not sure this quite meets your criteria but I thought I would answer some of your questions. Not that many cars fit three child car seats - they are quite wide - we had to buy a new one.
Better news is that I found the twins b'fed much quicker than DD1, so that made things a bit easier. Plus I expressed like it was my religion after the mid-morning feed so my husband could do a night feed if they woke before 12pm.

harrygracejessica · 21/07/2012 11:35

You need a car with 3 full size seats in the back - we have a galaxy which was fab having the boot space too but now every seat is filled up its making us look at a 9 seater now just for boot space!!

Both sets of mine shared a cot - the girls shared for 8 months as they were smaller and the boys shared for 6 months, the girls at 8 months went into their own room and the boys we just had to make space for another cot bed in our room as one of them hasnt been well and we were advised to keep him with us aslong as possible.

I can recommend an ABC everest buggy - they are expensive to start with but sometimes come up on ebay and sell well so at least there is the saleability afterwards - mine is STILL going 4 years later (it can be a double, triple or quad buggy!)

Lemele · 21/07/2012 20:56

I will just say that yes ABC buggies are brilliant and certainly the best triple you can get (that I have found) so in that respect go for it if you want to carry all 3 around (essential for me). However like all buggies they do have one or two issues, so don't expect them to be perfect! I didn't, and I'm still a bit disappointed... However on the plus side all the things that aren't as good as I hoped CAN be altered (e.g. tightening springs). Maybe I'm just unlucky but that's what I found with mine. They do have an amazing resale value though so almost definitely worth any money you spend on one.

Oh and as I'm sure you've heard elsewhere the second (and third) is never the same as the first? Well my DS fed dreadfully (45 mins was average, breaking off every 2 sucks, etc) and my DTs feed 10 mins each max, so even if I feed them separately (which I do most of the time coz I still prefer it to tandem, though that has its perks Smile) it still takes less time.. Grin

thingamajig · 21/07/2012 21:20

There are several threads listing cars that fit 3 carseats, see a list here I have a toyota Verso, which is great, but choosing car seats can be tricky - take the car to a shop (a halfords or mothercare with a car park, and TRY before you buy (and you can cheekily then buy the same models cheaper online). If you have the option, don't go for a 5/7 seater if one child has to sit in the boot - the safety isn't great and it limits pushchair room. I got the maxicosi isofix babyseats as just plonking the twins seats down is easier than strapping them in each time - getting out takes long enough anyway.
DD was just three when the twins arrived, so I have had an easier time than you, as dd could go to nursery leaving me with "just" the twins. Take any help you are offered - my mum lives a long way away but comes to stay one week a month, and it is wonderful - keeps me sane.
I would also second going to toddler groups, it gives shape to a day. There are loads about, I go to three a week, and I found the Family Information Service website useful to find them, search your area and choose both 'under 3' and 'under 5'.
Join Tamba, the pregnancy info is brilliant, and the discounts aren't bad either. If there is a twins group in your area, go to it - a great source of info before they arrive too, and a brilliant showcase of double buggies.
Are you having ID or non-ID? good luck with everything Smile

LookAtHerGo · 23/07/2012 14:33

Thanks again. Yes I think it's a 3 full seats in the back that we'll look at, those threads were great, I didn't think to search through! I actually spoke to the in car safety people this morning who were very helpful, I'll probably try and tie a test drive and a car seat fitting in together! We are actually toying with getting a verso, do they have the underfloor storage thingy?

Thanks re the feeding info, dd wasn't a long feeder, just a frequent feeder! But it's good to know.

Yep, been recommended Tamba by a friend of a friend too.

Having another scan on Thursday so I'll find out more if they are dcda or mcda if I can then, the first one was in a community centre and the equipment wasn't great, but they looked like they were separate, but I'm untrained so I might be very wrong.

OP posts:
rednellie · 23/07/2012 21:13

LookAtHerGo just to answer a bit of the feeding question - my DD was 2 when the boys were born. They seemed to feed as much as she did and like you said whenever it was mealtimes which made it very very awkward. But I got a brilliant feeding cushion that they could lie on and I would sit in our computer chair that has wheels and basically set DD up for lunch, set my lunch up, latch on twins and then wheel over to the dinner table! It sounds odd, but it worked and meant I could still attend to DD when she wanted water/potty etc. I'm very good at using my feet to pick things up now!

But now the twins are 5 months it's really so much easier - they eat at much more convenient times and much quicker. Also DD is inbuilt entertainment for them. She went out the other day and I actually a) really missed her company and b) found comforting the boys much harder as I was having to do it!! Grin What I'm trying to say is there are some big pay offs, as well as the total lack of sleep....

xkatyx · 27/07/2012 13:24

My dd was 3 months when I found out I was having twins :) its been great she is fantastic with them no jealousy at all.

Twins are now 7 months and dd is 18 months :) I think it's a great age gap for them :)

Lemele · 03/08/2012 12:39

Wow katy that's quite a small gap - glad it works for you! I can imagine them loving the closeness of it :)

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