Multiple mummies - can you help?

[BellaOfTheBalls]

My lovely cousin has announced she is expecting twins. They are (obviously!) very much wanted & longed for children. Her husband has grown up daughters but she is a first time mother. Her friends who have children are quite far away and we are a small family; only four cousins and only myself with any children.

I am seeing her this weekend and she says she has a million questions to ask. I have only singletons and my parenting style is hippy relaxed so am not sure what advice I can give! So I was wondering what advice you would give to a first time mother of DTs?

Congratulations to your cousin Bella.
My DT's are my first DC's. Having twins was a bit of a shock to the system but as they are our first we have nothing to compare them to and dont know any different. It will be alot easier than having multiples first than second or third time round because you wont have to worry about school runs looking after a toddler etc.
No advice - I just blag my way through the day and if we get through it unscathed then all is well.

It has really helped me to speak to other parents of twins - who just know. Maybe she should register with MN ? TAMBA have a forum but you have to pay a subscription fee. they do have a free fb page though which is great for first hand advice and experience.

I have 7mo twins and they're my first DCs.

Things I would recommend:

Go to a TAMBA course if she has one nearby, I learnt a lot on that day and also made friends with some local twin mums-to-be and we meet up every week

If she works then plan to start mat leave early. Twins usually arrive at least 3 weeks early and from what I can tell most twin mums start their leave no later than 32 weeks (but depends on job, how big you get, complication etc)

Don't do what I did and buy tonnes of clothes unless you live in the middle of nowhere a few baby gros and vests will do, otherwise you'll spend a fortune

Do lots of batch cooking for freezer, also but lots of tinned soup, dried pasta and pesto, cereal bars etc for snacks as you need to eat but won't have time!

Buy two bouncy chairs, essential to either amuse one twin while you feed the other, or to bottle feed them together if you choose to bottle feed

If you are planning to bf then a special bf cushion will be very handy.

I had lots of help at first, with DH off on extended paternity leave plus annual leave for about 6 weeks and I also had frequent visits from DM and MIL (we live far away) and whilst I did feel a bit crowded, it was good to have someone to iron, clean, cook and help with feeds etc

Consider paid help too. I had a night nanny for a few nights a week for a while.

Make sure your double buggy suits your lifestyle. I went for a iCandy peach as its the narrowest buggy and easy to handle, as I live in an urban area and walk everywhere. But it's rubbish for public transport as its heavy and doesn't fold

They can share same cot for at least 4 months if you get a cot bed

You'll need to be super organised. I have a changing station downstairs with nappies, wipes, spare clothes etc. I recorded all feeds and nappies in a book for first 12 weeks otherwise I would forget who had fed when and how long since last poo!

I am a routine queen but appreciate not everyone is. But I got mine in a routine by about 6 weeks and they sleep very well now.

Try to get out every day after the initial few weeks, even if just to local coffee shop as it makes you feel human

Gosh that's a long post but hopefully useful. Will come back if I think of anything more

Hi, mine are almost 11 months now, I would reccomend:

Joining a local twins club and going before they are born - advice from other multiple mums is invaluable.

Be prepared to spend a little time in SCBU, twins tend to come early.

Sort maternity leave, I actually got signed off at 26 weeks but was planning to take 4 weeks annual leave from 32 weeks and start mat leave at 36. In the end they turned up at 31 weeks anyway.

Do not let people scaremonger you, especially people without twins! I got so many comments 'ooh, how will you cope', 'you'll never manage' etc etc. You do manage, because you have to manage!

Get out every day in the early days, even if its just a walk around the block.

The buggy is important, ideally fit through your front door and into your car (we had to buy a new car!).

I am a big advocate of routine for twins otherwise I think you would go out of your mind fairly quickly!! You need them feeding and napping at the same time.

We FF but it is possible to BF twins (I tried but as they were so prem no supply and real latch issues).

I've probably repeated a lot of what the others have said, sorry!

Good luck to your cousin:)

Another vote for finding a twins club - generally massively overstaffed with volunteers which gives you the option of handing at least one baby over whilst you have a cup of tea. I went when my twins were tiny, abother twin mummy came and sat next to me, asked me how old they were then said "you poor cow, but it gets easier" Still makes me chuckle - it was nice to know someone else knew how it was. And yes, they have lots of fab tips.

Keep a note of their feeds / nappy changes etc.

Yes to getting out - gives you a reason to get dressed each day.

Just take it as it comes - there will be days when she'll struggle - top tip on those days - go to the local supermarket, put the twins in the baby seats on the special shopping trolley and just wait for every 2nd person to stop you, tell you what beautiful babies you have and how you are blessed to have twins. She will definitely come home feeling more positive .

There isn't one twin mum that I know that doesn't think its the best thing in the world - yes its double trouble some days but its always double the joy too.

Having done it twice now:

• get them in a routine fast. If they're not sleeping at the same time, you never will!
• if you want to BF, figure out a way of sometimes feeding both together, or you will never have time for anything else
• lower your standards for housekeeping/housework. A lot of stuff just ain't going to get done like it used to and it DOESN'T MATTER
• main challenge in first year is time/sleep/exhaustion, in second year crowd control and third year and after economic (think two sets of nursery fees and staggering food consumption)
• having twin babies is a lot of work but people do exaggerate it! I remember being told to lay in a stock of paper plates, because there would be no time for washing up in the early months, which was frankly silly
• don't be oppressed by other people's advice, a lot of which won't apply to you.

Mine are 3 1/2 stinky little monsters ;)

Enjoy them.

Make sure they are clean & fed.... and let everything else just take care of it self. They are only little for such a short time especially with twins you dont seem to have the time just to sit and play/cuddle them.

As a friend the best thing you can give is you time..... time to clean/cook/take babies for a walk/stop and have a coffee so mum can talk to a grown up.

Not all twins come early... mine had to be evicted as they were far to comfy in there ;)

Agree with routine but don't stress. I find people tell me I'm sooo laid back but I figure I could either be permenantly wound up or just chill so I went for being chilled. On bad days, get out the house and go to the supermarket to hear how lovely they are ;)

I have an older dd too which made life a bit trickier as dd1 would need meals/entertaining etc while dtds needed feeding etc but although it's constant and I'm busy it's not horrible or a nightmare like many warned me it would be.

Don't worry if you have to leave one crying while you sort out the other. If thet're not in pain they will be fine and end up more content in the long run.