What help did you have or wished you'd had before and after your twins were born?

[thereistheball]

That's it really. I'm trying to imagine the last days of pregnancy and early days with twins so I can get myself organised with whatever help I'm likely to need. The problem is I've no idea what having twins is like. How active were you towards the end of the pregnancy? What help did you need in the early days? If you were to do it all again how would you change things? Thanks in advance for your help!

Ooh I will be keeping an eye on this thread as my friend is pregnant with twins! Bring on the sageness and wisdom!

Can I just start off by saying that I am no expert and I'm sure many people may not agree with what I say but only going with my experience.

My id twin boys are 9 months old now. I'm not going to lie it's extremely hard and if anyone tells you otherwise then they are lying haha!!

First of all I have to say do not try and be superwoman :) and don't beat yourself up like I did. I hardly went out the house for the first 6 months on my own with the boys and kept pushing myself to do it as I felt I should even though it was a complete struggle and used to get frustrated and cry sometimes when we got home because I was so exhausted, it's hard to describe really......I've since spoke to other twin mums and realise that they didn't even attempt to go out without any help in the first few months, a simple walk round the block was enough just to give them some fresh air.

The first 6 weeks or so is a bit of a blur to me, I was like a zombie and done everything on my own. I ran around trying to keep everything tidy etc incase of visitors but wish I didn't now as I nearly burned myself out and it's just not worth it. Try and be as laid back as possible and come to terms with the fact that your house is going to be turned upside down and wont be tidy for a while (unless you can get people to help). When people come to visit and ask if they can help then take them up on it, even get them to make you tea/coffee. If you have family support then try and have them do some of the house chores instead of holding the babies while you do it as it's your bonding time :) I went some days without anything to eat so try and get someone to at least make you one meal per day if you can.

The hardest part for me was the complete lack of sleep, I quickly got them onto the same feeding/sleeping schedule and it worked wonders, they are still on same schedule as each other now. Try and organise a place for nappies/wipes/bibs/vests etc now as organisation is the key.

In the early days I managed to get a shower no problem when they were sleeping in the morning but now I tend to have a shower at night and dry my hair and just wash in the morning, if I didn't then I might not get the chance the next day and makes me feel a bit depressed especially if I get unexpected visitors.

Bouncer chairs are a great thing and you can eventually feed them both in them at same time (if you are bottle feeding). Swings are great for one baby when bathing/changing the other.

Please get all the sleep you can just now.....

Sorry for rambling on and if I can think of anything else then I'll post it.

All the best and hope I haven't scared you too much, I just want you to know the truth as I went into it blind and hit me like a tonne of bricks!! Can I just say though having twins is really special and only special mums are blessed with them :)

I got my Mum to come 4 weeks before the birth to help with my DD as I was becoming increasingly unable to move around. It wasn't horrific, but with twins you do tend to be large for a lot longer than singleton Mums. Walking becomes a bit of a strain and if someone can come and do some housework for you etc it might be nice...

After the birth my Mum stayed for 5 weeks (we live on different continents otherwise I would have cut it shorter). It was amazing to have her help, especially with our older DD and she was very good at forcing me to try things on my own even though she was there so I could get my confidence up before she left.

Having said that, living with your parents when you left home decades ago is bloody hard work and it was lovely to get back to being just the 5 of us (!!!). Skip forward 12 weeks and I've got a stinking cold and would greet my mother like the queen if she came to my door and offered to let me have a nap...

Last days of pg I didn't do much except for moving house which may have contributed to their arrival 7 weeks early - I still blame comet for causing any stress related to it. I had tried to take it easy e.g. stopping work early, getting my cleaner to help me unpack, friends picking up ds from summer camp (putting ds in summer camp), and resting when I felt tired but obviously the dts had other ideas. We were in hospital for 5 days, released, readmitted for 2 weeks, home for a week then back for 2 days after dt2 turned blue and stopped breathing so rather up and down.

We had:

1. an AP who was mainly for my 4 yr old ds, taking to and from school, generally occupying but also doing laundry and helping chop vegetables when I got around to cooking later on;
2. night nurses for 3 weeks - really essential when they were on 3 hourly feeds and it took me 2 1/2 hours to feed both;
3. lovely ladies from a local volunteer organisation, they came to help me with 1 feed each day so I could eat lunch and also had someone to chat to, this was from weeks 3-6;
4. supper delivered to us by friends from weeks 3-6;
5. my parents came over frequently particularly around 4-6pm the unhappy bed time part of the day;
6. my MIL stayed from shortly after they were born until day 12 when she had to return and helped with my older one;
7. my cleaner (I have her usually so same hours)

and even with all this it was still really difficult. Mine were premature so obviously had special issues relating to that for example as well as needing to feed frequently and being very slow eaters since they were so little, they also weren't allowed to "socialise" until they were full term so even when I was up to going out the most I was meant to do was a short walk for fresh air, no coffeeshops, shopping centres etc so a bit isolating. Also a lot of my friends who could visit in the day had toddlers and there was no way I was going to expose tiny premmies to the likely germs and smothering given the "socialisation" edict. In addition, I had the usual colic, vomitty problems that you can get with any baby but made worse x 2.

According to my calendar by the time we reached 9 weeks I managed 2 meals at friends, play date in park for ds1 and feeding his friend and 3 of his siblings and mother after for tea and 2 doctor's appointments in one week so it did get better. And I did build up to this. It does get easier and there are turning points.

The only thing I'd change is trying not to move house and have premature babies!!!!

I hope it goes well for you.

I have 6 1/2 mo twins.

I was very lucky and had lots of help.
-DH on paternity/annual leave for most of the first 6 weeks
-DM and MIL stayed with us on alternate weeks for weeks 2-6
-Night nanny 3 times a week from weeks 3-12

I made sure I was comfortable with tandem feeding and before DH went back to work. Our night nanny helped me get into a good routine so that I could feed to a schedule - because of this I was able to get out of the house more or less every day from when they were 3 or 4 weeks old (as I knew when I would need to feed them).

Once they had started to sleep through the night at 12 weeks, we dropped the night nanny, and I got a mother's help who is with me 3 afternoons a week. She helps with bath and bedtime (DH is at work 730am till 8pm most days and travels a lot) and she does cleaning, ironing and a bit of cooking.

I am a bit of a control/routine queen and I planned ahead like a military operation. I read GF book and typed out her routine and stuck to the fridge! I had a book where everyone involved had to write down feeds, nappy changes and nap times. I also batch cooked loads of meals and had all my xmas shopping done by end of October which is a first for me. All baby equip bought well in advance (used Amazon wish lists to plan ahead) as most twins come at least a few weeks early (we went to 37 weeks). Finished work at 31 weeks as very stressful job with central London commute.

But in the end I actually found I had much more time on my hands than I expected, my two did nothing but sleep for the first 4 weeks or so, I had to set my alarm to wake them for feeds, so it was nowhere near as difficult as I had anticipated. They are now really good natured babies and still sleep well, and I go out with them most days, to baby yoga, pilates, monkey music classes, swimming (with DH on saturdays) or just for a walk.I also went to a TAMBA course and met loads of local twin mums, we now have a network of around 20 mums all with twins under 12 months and all living within a few miles so we meet up every 2 weeks. So whilst you need to be prepared, don't be too worried about what the future holds!

Best of luck!

I've got 6 week old twins and I've had/have

• OH on paternity leave for 2 weeks, then working 4 day weeks - and because we're bottle feeding he does the 3 nights when he's not working the next day
• my mother for a bit of weeks 4 and 5, and coming back at the end of this week for week 7 and 8
• my MIL coming for weeks 10-12

The sleep deprivation is the hardest for me, the girls feed about every 3 hours day and night but it varies and one of them has a bit of a difficult tummy so usually get maybe 3-4 hours' sleep, in naps. My other half has earned himself all the brownie points in the world by doing the weekend nights. We wanted to share childcare as much as possible but still, it's amazing.

Before the birth I didn't really do anything different - worked up to 35 weeks but was kind of glad to go at that point - I have a sit down job and it was nice having the canteen and not having to fix my own lunch! But the commute into London was getting a bit much. I was truly enormous, I gained like 2 and a half stones over what I was before pregnancy and I kind of had to choose 2 out of 3 of eating, breathing or sitting down!

A lot depends on whether you have a c section or a vaginal birth. C-section lays you up a lot more - we went out with the small ones for their first walk at about 10 days. And I've been out pretty much every day since...

What ceeveebee said about equipment by the way... get everything in advance. If you want to try stuff out, go try it out now. I can recommend the Weego twin carrier which you can use from birth and which is the only way to cuddle them both if you're on your own... I know people use 2 slings and things like that but I'm crap with them, always afraid they'll fall out. Get bouncy chairs as well, good for tandem feeding, and about a million bibs.

One last thing... every single person I saw at hospital did the sympathetic face at me and said "have you got help?" It really took away my confidence. I thought, crap, does this mean it's impossible without help? It's not - I just completed my first 5 day stint of being alone each day and doing the night alone (my other half comes in at about 6 so he does one feed with us on working days) - and at the start of the week they suddenly started crying for what felt like all the hours we were indoors, maybe because of the hot weather or I don't know what. But I survived. It's knackering but it is possible for one adult to look after two newborns alone. Trust me, I'm right in the middle of it!

Our DTs are nearly 3 now. We had my mum to stay for the first 2 weeks. Mine were ebf so I did all the nights, and needed a nap in the afternoon - and boy did I need it.

Biggest helps - someone to take the DTs for a walk while I had 1 1/2 hr nap (no good if they are still in the house as you can't sleep if you can hear them crying)
Loads of wholesome dinners in the freezer so there is some food to put in front of yourself.
That's it really.

If anything I wish I had a cleaner!! I have 5month old twins and 16minth old dd and 2 school age children!!

If anything is hard its keeping in top of everything!! I find it has been driving me mad particularly as kids are school at the moment!!

Also towards the en anyone who can help, I couldn't hardly move and was in so much pain, but this was my 4th and 5th baby.

I echo what beyoglu says about keeping your confidence up. I got in a right tiz that every book about twins seemed to imply it wouldn't be at all possible without some kind of help, which if you can't afford it or live too far away from people who would help makes you feel a bit stuffed. But it is totally doable, hard, but doable, you just have to be blooming organised!

I found the last weeks of pregnancy pretty hard going - but I did go to 38 weeks. If you have an older child I would strongly recommend trying to get some family around to help. If not do make the most of being able to rest. That nesting instinct can be hard to ignore and there seems to be a voice inside your head saying, "I must do this, I must do that". Try to tune it out and take it easy.
If you are keen to breastfeed get an electric medela breastpump. It might look pricey but this helped my sanity a lot in the early months. By expressing at the same time everyday I got quite a lot of milk out. Then I could go to bed once the babies were down and know that if they woke before midnight my husband would do the feed, by syringe at first and later by bottle. I loved knowing that just for those three hours I was off-duty.
I totally agree about accepting a less tidy house.
Don't panic if you can't afford all the assistance which other people have had, such as night nannies. I mean, it would have been absolutely lovely and I would not shy away from buying in help at home if you have the means or if your partner works away and you do not have family near by. If I was doing it again I might have organised some kind of mother's help. But, having said that, I've managed.

Thanks very much indeed for all your answers - this thread is really helpful.

My situation is that I live in France, away from friends and family, so any visitors/helpers will be living with us (in the babies' room while they are in with us) - though there are hotel options nearby if necessary. Good things about being in France include a thorough health care system - apparently from 32 weeks I will have twice weekly home visits from a midwife to check on me, and my pharmacy will rent me a breast pump on prescription - but I don't think the support systems are the same as in the UK - no night nurses that I've been able to discover, for instance, or nannies that work in your home while you are there (as opposed to while you go back to work, which is the expectation here. I don't work, but if I did then twin maternity leave is longer than normal mat leave, but still lasts only 4 or 5 months after the birth.)

I have a cleaner and hope to bump up their hours. I also want to hire someone to help get DD from school, bring her home, do a bit of cooking and tidying for her etc - in fact I think I can claim half of the cost of this person back through the tax system, if I can find them. I'm hoping to breast feed and DH's job means he won't be able to help with nights. Glad to hear some of you think this might be doable - if not then I'll be making an emergency call to my lovely inlaws, who have offered to step in at a moment's notice.

Thanks again for taking the time to answer. I know you all have your hands full!

Good luck - it is great having twins. Our b/g twins are coming up to 8 months. I'd say the most important thing was keeping them on the same schedule.

Also, I tried to go out and do loads of 'baby' stuff in the first three / four months, but then it suddenly dawned on me that life was so much easier if I didn't try and make lots of coffee / play dates - and just let the babies sleep on or feed at their own pace, instead of dashing around to make some appointment with another mum. It has made me a bit anti-social, and I don't think my ante-natal lot really understand, all singleton first time mums, but once we've finished feeding, had a nap and a bit of a play / cuddle - it is time to start it all over again - and I just found it stressful to get out and about in London. We do go out, but only really when it suits their routine, and then just for a walk near home.

I always found that if I went out and did stuff with friends during the day, I was always up once they were asleep for hours sorting the place out for the next day. I'd much rather have all the jobs done shortly after they are in bed, then crash out on the sofa for a bit of downtime.

I try and save my (small!) social life for when my DH is around as everything is so much easier when you are not flying solo. Luckily we have a lot of the same friends.

Good luck - twins are awesome. A friend told me when I was pregnant that you are only lucky enough to get twins if nature already knows you will be able to cope!

Ha Noel, when I was pregnant someone told me something similar.
I remember looking around our building site of a house, no cooker, no washing machine, no cot, a dozen trades on site every day, just before we brought our 10 wk premmies home thinking 'I can't cope with this, they've got it wrong!'
We survived, just, but i wouldn't recommend it!

thereistheball, oh I totally empathise. I'm in Canada so far far away from my family and friends. I have found mn invaluable for advice and solidarity. There's a really nice ante natal thread for twin mums - Twins Club 4 in the antenatal section. Also, there's a fantastic couple of threads for postnatal support too. You'll find all sorts of mums who've coped with various different set ups. I'm still ebf my two and I've got an older DD and we're managing fine. Honestly, you can do it!

Hi, the girls are 13 now, so in some ways it's all a bit of a blur, others upthread have already said most of it. The most important thing is not to try to be Supermum, it's not a competition. Human beings are designed very much to do one baby at a time, and it is perfectly alright to demand as much help as you think you can get away with

thereistheball and rednellie : I am in the States so also no family nearby. My parents came over for 2 weeks when the twins were 6 weeks old, and my MIL 3 weeks later but she is a bit useless. I think the most important thing for me was just go with the flow, and don't beat yourself up for not getting out of the house/being a stepford wife. Lots of easy meals in the freezer helped me a lot, and take all and any help people offer. Also, it saved my sanity to just go out a few times a week by myself after DH was home, just to get some milk in the shops or a short walk around the block. I was dreading the first 6 months, I was told by other twin mums that it was extremely hard and almost impossible without help, but this was not the case for me. And we also have a older DS. You can do it! Promise!

Hello thereistheball

and congrats on your pregnancy, when are you due?

I have 4 month old twins and I have found the reality of having twins a lot easier than I anticipated (but c/s recovery a lot worse).

I too like beyoglu got the "have you got help?" question all the time, and dh also kept insisting on having grannies stay like forever! It does make you question whether you are being silly wanting to do it alone (that was my idea).

My problem was I was put to bedrest at 27 weeks due to a short cervix until 35 weeks. Because we have 2 older dds we had to have live in help. (all family live 2+ hours drive away), which was a total nightmare for me as not only I had to share my home, also had to relinquish all duties to my mum/mil who alternated in coming to help. I don't do well in these situations!!

From 35 weeks I was pretty much too big to do anything, and with severe SPD on top of it, I was pretty much useless so had to keep accepting help.

Finally I had a c/s at 37+6 and then I had again live in help for about 4 weeks, after that I the occasional week, but it was more due to mil wanting to visit than me needing help.

The first 3 weeks after c/s were hard, the scar was sore, SPD still bad, and massive swelling on top of everything, as well as feeding almost every hour. Dh was not able to take much time off, so it would have been a real struggle without help, so no I couldn't have done it differently even if I'd wanted to.

These days I have a cleaner that does all the cleaning and ironing, and occasionally a babysitter to be able to go out and do chores that I couldn't do at weekends without dragging a massive double buggy with me.

Best of luck!

Thereistheball - Congratulations.

I had:
DH - I week paternity leave from birth (in hospital for 5 days) then working from home for one week then another week off.
MIL and FIL stayed for 5 days whrn DH worked from home. They tried to help but MIL can't cook so I was doing meals for all of us and she hadn't bfed and it was awkward trying to avoid FIL when feeding boys. TBH it would have been easier without them but the garden looked great.
Then my Mum for a few days and by then I was desperate for peace and calm and doing everything my way. So going solo was great. Just make sure you can feed both at the same time and stay calm when they both scream. I went out for lots of walks with them. I did some of the organised baby stuff but as a pp said it can be more stressful than just being with your babies and going with the flow. Also one of mine is a screamer... And had reflux so we couldn't get them on a feeding or sleeping schedule (still can't at 14months but that's a different thread).
I cracked at 8 weeks and got a cleaner for a few months. With hindsight I wish I had got it sorted for the last few weeks of pregnancy and that they could have cleaned when I was in hospital.

I also have a babysitter who comes for an hour a week so I can go running.

DH is at home from about 7 or 8pm and every weekend which helps.

My Mum comes for 3-4 days every 2 months which is ok but I am rubbish at having her around.

And it gets easier.

Hi - thanks again, belatedly, for all these helpful posts. I'm resurrecting this to ask those who breastfed: did you have help at night and if so, what did they do? Were your babies also taking bottles (of formula or breastmilk) so you could sleep while someone else fed them? This is what I'd like to aim at but I'm haunted by the memory of DD refusing to take a bottle. Or did you find it more useful to have help during the day, maybe with housework etc? Thanks again, in advance.

From 5 p.m. until 8 p.m. I went to bed, ensuring the bedside phone was not plugged in. And slept. A rolling mixture of dp, my mum and various sisters were in charge of the girls. Those three hours of unbroken not being responsible kept me sane.
As a result of this system, the girls got used to taking a bottle of formula at this time, but were otherwise breastfed.
They had become used to taking expressed breast milk from a bottle while still in SCBU.
I had very little daytime or middle of the night help, but those three hours as I said were enough to carry me through. dp would do washing up and hoovering more than usual I think.
They were very good quiet little girls, they only once both went off in a screaming blue murder fury simultaneously thank god. They have made up for it since don't worry