It gets easier at 6 weeks/8 weeks/12 weeks/4 months/5 months/when they graduate...

[beyoglu]

I've got 4 week old twins and I'm sure I've heard all of the above! What do you think - is there a point in the early months where everything really starts to settle down?

I've no reason to complain - one of mine is an angel, only cries when really hungry, and the other is getting a lot easier to deal with now that she doesn't have all of her waking time between the hours of 1am and 4am...

... but at the moment my mum is staying with us and while I can pretty much manage everything on my own during the day, it does help knowing that if the small ones have a difficult night, I can get some sleep in the morning while she looks after them. (Only, I kind of don't trust her with feeds because she gets air in the bottle and burps them like 3 times and they lose interest and take 40ml and then want another bottle an hour later, so I end up getting up to do their feed anyway). But at some point she'll be heading home - we live at opposite ends of the country - and I'm wondering when is a good time to aim for in terms of the small people settling down.

I am kind of desperate for a time when she can go home and we can go on with life! Evil to say, I know, but we've never got on all that well... lots of small silly petty things, but we are rubbing each other up the wrong way... and at the moment my other half is working 4 days a week and doing the 3 "weekend" nights (and sleeping in during the day). If I could just man up and manage the 4 night shifts in a row, we could have a really good laugh at the weekends. But when we first came back from the hospital I really didn't cope well with the nights at all, and I'm still really nervous about taking the wee ones for a night - it's the not knowing that drives me nuts, if someone could tell me I was going to be up between 1 and 4 but sleep between the other feeds I could cope no bother.

So... what do you think? Is there a point over the next few weeks when it gets easier/more predictable?

Mine was bang on 12 weeks. I thought the magic 12 week turning point was a myth or that I would have to wait longer because the girls were preemie. But that was when they suddenly started playing by themselves... Grasping at toys... I could put them in their baby gym and they'd kick around for a bit. It freed me up a lot and gave me a method of distracting one so I could sort out the other. Having said that, I don't recommend having your mum stay until then! At some stage you need to bite the bullet...

Also, babies are incomparable. You really can't predict whether they are going to drop night feeds or not. Mine have never been in synch. One slept through from about 4 months. The other never has.

There was no single point for me - lots of small ones that I understood a week or so later. About 14 weeks was particularly good though as they both started sleeping well (for a couple of months). And we had some quiet evenings which restored sanity.

TBH I was always happier without help. Other people distracted me and you eventually get used to coping with the sleep. Its never nice dealing with both babies crying but I found it easier on my own than with either DM or DMIL saying Oh Dear and worrying about what to do.

TBH I have always found things easier when I can just get on with things by myself. People helping just got in my way - which sounds awful but it's true.

Each stage has it's challenges but things got alot easier for us when they started sleeping through the night and when I could feed them at the same time and didnt have to leave one to cry while I fed the other.
My two are toddlers now - 22 months and even with the tantrums and fighting it never compares to the 2 x collic and night feeds.

I agree. It's easier to look after them with no-one else around. And I only started to feel like they were really mine after all the helpers shipped off. It is more manageable than you think!

Agree with the others, I feel so much better when I am in my own. But then I am a huge control freak !

Still I found it more manageable than I thought, not easy but definitely doable.

I still don't sleep much, the longest stretch I have had in 14 weeks has been 5 hours and even that is rare.
Coffee and choc digestives help me get through !!
Can you not do a trial week and then if you are really struggling your mum comes back? I started off with alternate weeks because my mil insisted could you do that?

I have 6mo twins. I was really lucky in that my DH was able to take 6 weeks off as he had saved all his annual leave. Also my DM and MIL took turns staying with us for the first month or so.I was really worried when he had to go back to work, but actually it was really quite nice to have the house to myself and not having to get dressed/make small talk with MIL etc. I made sure I was confident on tandem feeding (both breast and bottle) so I knew I would be ok on my own, and DH still did Fri and Sat nights.

I found things settled down at 12 weeks when they started to sleep through. 3-6 months has been great as they have slept well and been a pleasure!. However now they are weaning, teething and rolling all over the place so it has got tougher again but we'll cope!

Thanks guys! You've given me a lot of confidence - I'm actually managing the small ones alone a lot of the time already as I do the weekday nights myself so I've done the tandem feeding thing and all of that. And I had been going for a sleep in the mornings but I'm finding I don't actually sleep so I might as well be up with the wee ones! So maybe I'll be OK... thinking I might ask my mum to stay till the end of next week, then we have the long weekend with the bank holiday, then my MIL is coming a couple of weeks later, and my mum is coming back a couple of weeks after that... and then by the time she goes home again it'll be the end of July and the small people will have reached the magic 12 weeks. I can totally do this can't I?

My twins are 19 weeks and for me it was exactly as DW123 says in her first para. 14 weeks was when I noticed things were easier but the changes were small and gradual (although swiftly gradual if that makes any sense!)

I had FT help (DH/M/MiL) for 5 weeks and day 1 of wk 6 I set out totally alone for the day - was terrifying and a bit of a car crash come about 3pm but we got through it. It was a case of biting the bullet really. From then on I found I could do a day or 2 in a row on my own with ease if I knew there would then be a day I had help and then it would be less manic. No aprehension now when I am on my own - quite an odd feeling it was to be scared of own tiny babies so glad I am passed that!

So I just survived my first 5 day stretch alone! (The wee ones also still looking OK...) First couple of days were a nightmare with the hot weather and them crying basically all the time when we were in the house... I have a fantastic suntan from being out walking with them all day... and then when it cooled down, they calmed down and I started carrying them about in the Weego and that has made life a lot easier. My mother's coming back next week (she insisted) and my MIL will be here for 3 weeks after that... but TBH I think my mental health would be better served by continuing alone! I met someone locally who's got 16 week twins and she's really increased my confidence - it's so good to talk to twin mums, as nobody else really gets it!

beyoglu, I think if you think you'd do better without live in help then you should tell them. I wish my Mum and MIL were local to me (they're a whole 10 flight away) so they could pop in and do some housework, take DD out or let me have a nap. Instead my Mum came for 2 months (which was fine and great, but even her who I love, got on my nerves by the end) and my MIL came for a week and I almost killed her! Having someone constantly ask how they can help, are the babies alright, gosh aren't they feeding a lot wasn't particularly useful...

Well done for doing your first stretch, especially in the heat - can't be easy. I'm finding now at 12 weeks there are more stretches in the day where I can breath and do stuff with DD. The nights are still hard though....

Rednellie, that's exactly how it is! My mum will come down in the morning and comment that one of them was crying and did I think that maybe she was hungry? No? Oh, maybe she's sick! This for like, 2 or 3 minutes of crying.

Like you I'd love it if I had people to pop in... if I had someone round the corner who could come in and play with them till I get a shower or to wind one while I feed the other etc. Not going to happen. Only people I really know round here are my neighbour whose husband is poorly, and a mum of 16 week old twins who's got more than enough to do herself!

I dont have twins but i had to smile at the graduate bit. My nephews are twins :) All i will say that is the things you worry about change:), when they graduate you will worry about whether they will get the grades they want an need :) . They still keep you awake but you are waiting for them to come home from a night out. Keep going the sleep deprivation does get better and one day you will realise that you are coping really well on your own .

I wouldn't say things get easier per se, you just figure out what they're up to then when you've cracked it, they come up with a new trick! Each new stage presents new challenges.

I look back now and think how much easier it was when they were 3-4 months old when they didn't do much and I had time to myself. They are 4 now and play together really well so I do get some respite ;-)

DH had 4 weeks off after they were born and by the end of week 3, I slowly did more things solo during the day to get used to him not being about. There was nobody else at all.

It's now silent downstairs so I better go and find out what they are up to!!