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Multiple births

When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

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Original poster

Should I wake the twin who is sleeping longer...?

30 replies

jumblejam · 02/05/2012 08:45

Hello all,
I have gorgeous 16 week old ID boy twins. They are fab...but Mummy is knackered!! I was hoping someone who has been there might be able to offer some advice, please.
They were 5 weeks early and have been guzzling milk madly in an effort to catch up.
They have dropped the 'dreamfeed' and pushed it to 12/1/2am. I've tried to reintroduce it and encourage them to drop the middle of the night one but they're not having it - they wake up and want more milk at around 2.
One of our boys tends to go from 7:30 to midnight ish (which is great) and the other tends to go from 7:30 to 2am (which is even greater). Then there's generally a 3am wake up from one of them. Maybe a 5am thrown in. Then there's the early morning waking when they don't want any more food but are ready to get up.They're gaining weight and feeding well, but I'm completely shattered with all the getting up and going back to sleep. Or trying to!
We have a really good routine during the day with feeds and naps but at night it completely goes to pot and I'm at a loss as to what to try next. So what I wanted to ask is this. Should I wake our boy who is managing longer. OR will this ruin it for him as he's trying to go longer? What did you do? Can you offer any advice? Can anyone lend me some sleep?!!
Thanks everyone x

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MuckingFuddle · 02/05/2012 12:51

hahaha - here you go have a couple of hours from me
I doubt anything you try will ruin anything - it is all about trial and error.

I think although I am not sure as the baby days are a very hazy blur, but I think we used to put them to bed same time as you do then a dream feed around 10. When one baby woke I would feed him pop him back to bed then wake the other feed him then go to sleep myself. Often if I woke a baby to feed it wouldnt actually wake him, he would drink it in his sleep and settle down quite nicely. I coulnt face going back to sleep after 1 feed knowing I would have to wake again soon for another. Do what you have to do to get through the early days.

Sounds like your getting there - good luck.

LaVitaBellissima · 02/05/2012 12:56

I used to finish feeding which ever twin woke first and would then dream feed the sleeping twin. It's tough isn't it

Cerubina · 02/05/2012 13:12

I think night feeds are so dependent on weight and tummy size that there's not a lot you can do to accelerate when they'll be dropped, but for me it did happen without any real effort on my part, so hang in there. What worked for us was keeping up the 10pm feed and then dealing with any small hours wakings as they happened. One day they didn't happen and apart from a couple of blips, that was it.

As for your specific question, I would keep feeding them at the same times. Whoever wakes up gets fed first and then the other, whether or not they've woken spontaneously. I personally couldn't have stood the thought of getting out of sync and waking more in the night than I absolutely had to!

claireinmodena · 02/05/2012 13:30

Mine are only 12 weeks, but I dont wake the sleeping one, this sometimes works well as in one of them will actually skip a feed, sometimes I get woken after an hour. Whenever I've tried to wake one up they werent interested in feeding so it was a waste of time for us
I guess you need to find what works for you but I have always gone with the flow so to speak (have 2 other dds), hoping it would encourage them to sleep longer...

bigjoeent · 02/05/2012 16:36

I used to "wake" the sleeping one as well, I was bottle feeding so I fed them both at the same time to reduce the amount of time it took. I couldn't stand the thought of the other one waking in an hour or two and they both would feed, even if only a little bit when woken. I kept the 10 - 10.30pm feed for a long time, even after they slept through from 10 til 7. I think it was more more for me than them. When I did drop that feed I gradually reduced the amount and diluted it down, but they were pretty old then (past one yo) and on solids etc.

Original poster

jumblejam · 02/05/2012 17:01

Thanks everyone. When I've tried to reintroduce the 10/11pm feed (or 'dreamfeed') they wake up again after 3 or 4 hours.So I loose the big long stretch of sleep that they sometimes manage from 7pm til 12/1/2 or whenever they manage. Do you think they'll get out of this if I perseverefor a few days/ weeks and begin to do their long stretch of sleep from 10/11pm? I'm crossing my fingers and desperately wishing that the answer to this question is going to be yes!! I currently give them a 5:30 and 7:30 feed in the hope that it's tanking them up!! It seems to do the trick in that they go longer.
Can someone, somewhere please answer in big capital letters that it does get easier...!! x

OP posts:

xkatyx · 02/05/2012 19:22

Hi, my ID girls I used to literally go by the least hungry one at night!!

When the first one woke (could be either one) I would bring them in bed for a cuddle until the other one woke them feed them together!!

It worked so well for us as girls are 17 weeks and sleep 14 hours at night!!! It's a miracle!!

bigjoeent · 02/05/2012 20:12

It does get easier, really it does but in small steps so that you don't notice. You then look back and realise that it has, except you now just have different challenges. Mine are now 21 months old, hard work but just adorable, and they are great at getting into mischief together.

Twiceover · 02/05/2012 20:23

It definitely does get easier! I would persevere with the dreamfeed and try and shift the longer sleep on. My DH used to do 11pm feed so I could get some sleep and then I would take 12-7 shift. One started sleeping 11-7 at 9 weeks and the other at about 17 weeks so quite a time difference. Good luck!

Xenia · 02/05/2012 20:40

I always fed both twins when I came to bed 11 or 11.30 ish sometimes mid night. Then when the first one work in the night I always woke the other one too and fed them both. (I always breastfed them one on each side to save time). It gets easier. They are 13. It is hard to wake one of them by lunch time at the weekends. I never had a child sleep through the night for at least a year and often 2 or 3 with 5 children.

MuckingFuddle · 02/05/2012 21:13

IT GETS EASIER

Cassettetapeandpencil · 02/05/2012 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

jumblejam · 03/05/2012 06:30

Thanks everyone - you are fabulous!
I'll try reintroducing the dreamfeed over the weekend and see how we get on.

Just out of interest, who fed on demand and who had a routine? We're bottle feeding and our daytime routine is ok but I'd be interested to see how others did it. x

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chutneypig · 03/05/2012 06:54

My fraternal twins had a big weight difference (3.5lb at birth) so I fed them as they needed separately, but tried to keep a distance between feeds, if that makes sense? By 3-4 months they were pretty predictable during the day and (if I remember right!) were having a feed 8-9 pm and going through to 5-6 am.

Before that we didn't wake the sleeping twin. DS (the larger) would go for longer periods between feeds. We ended up with a feed around 10pm, DD waking 1-2, DS 3ish then DD 5ish. He fairly rapidly dropped his feed and she then went down to one. They were on a mix of formula and expressed BM then, so it was definitely a factor that DH took some of the feeds. I might have felt differently about feeding together if I'd been doing them all.

rubbishonlineshopper · 03/05/2012 07:08

Hi!

Just to add another view into the mix - sorry! When my twins were first born, and for prob the first 12 weeks I woke the second one up to feed when the first woke.

Then we realised the second was extending her sleep so decided to leave her to wake on her own, and within a few weeks she was sleeping through the night (say 8-5 ish). During the time when we allowed them to wake separately, my ah and I would each take charge of one twin, so it meant I wasn't up all the time. Invariably he was 'in charge' of the one sleeping longest, so his sleep wasn't too disrupted, but I didn't feel (as) frazzled by it all. And of course we were bottle feeding!

Mine are 18 months now. IT DOES GET EASIER

Original poster

jumblejam · 03/05/2012 09:45

Thanks for taking the time to post, everyone
rubbish I think a similar thing may be happening with our two. One of our boys is constantly hungry and wake up between one and 3 times in the night - the other tends to have one wake up and is waking up later in the morning, and not really wanting his breakfast milk. I am taking your words '...and within a few weeks was sleeping through the night...' and sellotaping them to my forehead!!
Thanks again folks x

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Xenia · 03/05/2012 10:50

I fed on demand (breastfed twins) although as I said above if one demanded then I fed the other at the same time so I wasn't constantly being demanded as it were. Hoever I also worked full time, worked for myself, taking calls the next day etc so they were brought to me by the daily nanny to feed if it was a work day. I still think it was essentially feeding on demand.

MuckingFuddle · 03/05/2012 12:38

I did the same as Xenia but without the full time job.

You will find something that works for you - it's just alot harder in the early baby days because their needs change all the time.

Hope you get some sleep soon x

Xenia · 03/05/2012 18:31

I felt terribly lucky with the older children (the twins) that it was so much easier . The feeding itself is lovely because if your breasts are full of milk you yourself want to feed and have that wonderful let down reflex, huge burst of beta endorphins in your body. What I found so helpful. Is I could feed cuddle and then hand back and someone else did a lot of the holding, winding, nappy changing with twins of which there is much. Obviously it was my work which enabled that to be available so I was lucky.

It will get better and one day they will be as tall as you are and so hard to rouse in the mornings.

Mandy21 · 04/05/2012 13:18

In the early days, I definitely woke the sleeping twin - was breastfeeding on demand so didn't have much of a routine, but during the night, if one woke, I'd feed the other too.

At about 6 months, my DS started being really reluctant to wake - and he'd just fall asleep as soon as I put him to the breast. We left him to sleep after that and he slept through. DD still woke for a feed between 1 and 2am until she was 11 months when I stopped breastfeeding and gave her water and she slept through after that (so I think it was habit / comfort rather than being hungry).

You sound like you have a great routine already so stick with it - things will definitely get easier - well, not exactly easier but you'll get more sleep .

DW123 · 04/05/2012 14:35

By 3ish months DT1 was going for longer spells between feeds so we stopped waking him and for 2 blissful months he slept through the night. From then on (including when they started waking from 5 months) I responded to each one as and when they woke, which most of the time works. I think they wake from a combination of hunger and distress so I figured that waking the sleeper from a deep sleep cycle was counterproductive. Having said that I could be wrong as I am so sleep deprived at the moment I can barely remember my name... Good luck with it - as somebody else said, you can't really wreck it by getting it wrong a couple of times.

Original poster

jumblejam · 04/05/2012 15:20

They did over 14 hours each last night with an early hours feed each...but they are under the weather with colds and had just had their jabs though so I don't think it counts!! Thanks for all your posts. My money is on them being up everytime my eyelids go together tonight though x

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ThisIsYourSong · 05/05/2012 13:05

if its any help... it does get easier, and then when you look back its amazing how quickly it went and they are sleeping 10 11 12 hours a night. I am not belitting your experience because it feels so hard at the time - but honestly looking back it was amazingly all done in six months...

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 05/05/2012 13:17

Don't 'think' that - 'think' about how lovely it is when they sleep well - think positive thoughts!!

Lots of different suggestions - it's all trial and error!

IT DOES GET EASIER

Original poster

jumblejam · 06/05/2012 14:11

Thanks, ladies.
Have decided to reintroduce the 'dreamfeed' after all as it seems they are in fairly light sleep and they have me up in the early hours anyway.
Wish us luck...x

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