Worried DTS is falling behind DTD already

[Jaffacakeeater]

I have DTs (b/g) and am really worried about my DTS. They're 4 in July and will be starting reception in September. They have been going to the preschool attached to the school since last September.

At first they both seemed to thrive and settle really well, however in the last term we've noticed DTD coming along in huge leaps and bounds whereas DTS is lagging way behind. DTD is interested in art and creative activities and she can write her name and recognise all letters etc. DTS shows very little interest and no understanding really.

However, I am most concerned about their social development. DTD has specific friends, interacts confidently and has been invited on several play dates. DTS still doesn't play directly with other children and always tells me he spent the day by himself. He hasn't made any friends and I'm heartbroken every time his sister goes to play with a friend and he realises he's staying with me.

Is this just unfair comparison or should I be worried?

Can't be of any help sorry as my twins are only one, but hope someone with a bit more experience comes along! I do know how easy it is to compare twins (my DD was rolling, sitting, crawling etc before DS and looks to be walking first) she seems to be a little more outgoing in general as well!

Are the pre-school happy with how your DS is doing? Have you voiced your concerns? If they haven't raised any issues with you I imagine your DS is just going at his own pace, but I do appreciate how you must feel.

My twins are only 21 months, so I'm not much use either. I understand that girls often develop more quickly than boys (in really general terms), especially at the communication skills, which it sounds like from your post - talking, playing etc It is only in the last term that you have noticed, children do develop at different rates, it is just that you notice more with twins as there is a direct comparison.

My little boy (now 5) at playgroup would always say he hadn't played with anyone, but that was more because he couldn't remember the names and didn't recognise letters before he went to school. He just wasn't that bothered and enjoyed climbing, running etc more

My OH didn't read until he had been a school a while and the teachers were getting a bit worried. Basically because he enjoyed someone else doing all the work and adding in all the voices. He now reads incessantly always leaves books lying around.

Could you ask the nursery / preschool if they think he is developing OK?

I have DTs, now Year 2, and would agree that boys definitely develop later than girls. DS was way behind his sister in Reception and Year 1 (reading especially) but everything seems to have clicked in the last few months and he's now on a par.

The social side is different too - I think girls are more "cliquey" so they tend to play with the same friends (and hence have special friends that want to come for playdates etc). Boys (I've found) are more pack-oriented - my DS will play with whoever has the football or the match attax cards - rather tha specific individuals. Boys are also useless when it comes to memory - my DS' first words are "I can't rememeber who I played with or what I had for lunch Mummy before you ask!".

I'd have a word with their key workers / teacher just to check that there is nothing to worry about.

HTH

My DTs are in reception at the moment and we're noticing the biggest difference in terms of distractability. It was more the social side I wanted to share our experience. Our two sounded very like your in preschool, except the other way round. DD wouldn't play with any other children, DS did. We thought she might struggle to settle, but she made several good friends immediately when they started actual school. DS was the one with me getting left behind. I was astonished, to be honest. He's made a couple of good friends now and is fine.

They were also at the school preschool with most of their future classmates so I'm surprised they found it quite so different socially.

Will they be going into the same class? I'd hope you'd get a chance to talk to their teacher(s) this term and get some reassurance. I do think boys develop differently and I keep telling myself that DS will mature a bit at some point!

Just to reiterate what other mums of boy/girl twins have said, I have twins in reception and although before the age of one DS did everything first including talking, (my daughter was poorly at birth and very small so we knew this would be the case) but from about 3 onwards she has developed quicker although a prem baby and one of the youngest in class she can read and has started doing spellings, her teacher has said she's in the top five of class, which is great but having twins you always worry about how they compare too each other, my son is in a different class and I was worried that he wasn't doing as well as his sister but his teacher is comparing him to the other boys in his class not his twin sister and says he's doing really well and that the girls always out perform boys at this stage, I've also spoken to the other mum of b/g twins in reception and her experience very similar to mine, sorry very long winded reply but hope it helps😊

What do the pre-school staff say?