Boy girl twins at different secondaries? A good idea?

[swanthingafteranother]

My 10 year daughter is adamant she wants to go to a different school from her brother. I wanted to send her to a co-ed school, and him! But do you think their relationship would be the better for an enforced separation in school hours? Or maybe, seeing as they have the other gender on tap, so to speak they might benefit from single sex schools? Wide variety of state schools round here to choose from, so I just wondered if anyone had lived to tell the tale

Are they at school together now? If so does it cause problems?

I can only think that having two different schools to cope with would be quite a headache and one to avoid if possible. Secondary schools are usually big enough to avoid tripping over one another and will give them their own space, if that's the issue. Tbh I wouldn't be entering into the discussion with a 10 yr old. I'd be saying that'll be the school you're going to. No discussion

My B/G twins are in yr 5 and have always been at the same school. Sometimes in the same class sometimes not. They have their own friends and being twins isn't really an issue for them.

Dd finds her brother quite embarassing because he has high functioning autism and sometimes does quite inappropriate things, like kissing people and hand flapping. She is being a bit mean to him really, but I think it is just because he is always there and people are making comments to her, which she takes too seriously. He is probably going to be perfectly fine in a mainstream school, so it is not that he needs a special school, just that she is a bit sensitive to his oddities, and thinks other people judge her by them.

What I am really asking is will it cramp her style if they are together? She is very close to him underneath, defends him when there is any playground flareup, but her perception that other people find him odd is slightly ruining their relationship...

Knowing what teens are like this might get worse surely?

They have always been in separate classes and had separate friends, and ds2 does not tread on her toes, friendship wise. However, he does get upset when people he knows from his school are her friends but shun him. Makes things worse.

Still they have a strong bond, and I just don't want to destroy it on principle of enforced separation. Also as you say so much more convenient. However, I've already pretty well decided that ds2 can't go to same school as ds1 (all boys) because it is too pressurized and won't have Senco appropriate. So that's already one school different from the other two.

Older dd1 already at secondary school, often doesn't see some of her friends from one day to the next.

The year is split into two, for logistical purposes I assume, and whilst one half of the year is doing one timetable, the other is doing on the opposing timetable iyswim and the twain don't seem to meet.

It's a big-ish school, although probably small in comparison to some. In our case, before dd went they were interested to know if there were particular people she wanted to be around (or not) and seemed to take on board what we said when allocating tutor groups and timetables.

If you feel ds and dd would benefit from a bit of distance where possible, I'm sure the school would be interested in your thoughts. I should hope they would be interested in speaking to you anyway in order to help with any additional support your ds may require to help him settle in.

I do think two separate schools - or three if you have another child at a third school too - would be tricky. Also, although I have no experience of Autism, (many other posters on here will be able to advise more than me), I'm guessing your ds would find it v reassuring to know his sister was there at a new school too?

My older dd is very at the mere thought of her younger twin brother and sister joining her school the year after next. She says she's going to ignore them. Nothing like a bit of family solidarity is there?

I know though that although they annoy/embarrass each other they don't mind nearly much as they make out and will support each other. Teenage girls will always find something to angst about be it their brother or their hair or each other.

What I'm getting at is that your dd may possibly be reacting not so much to her brother's autistic traits, more that she is getting to an age where he's just her brother and therefore embarrassing, full stop.

That's certainly the case in our house and tbh my ds does know how to press all the right buttons. He's 10. That's what many 10 yr old boys are like with their sisters and their sister's friends. I may be wrong. As I say I'm not experienced with autism, but I am with 10 yr old b/g twins and how they can annoy each other and how at the same time they are close. Much of what you say sounds familiar.

I am quite sure if any of mine thought there was any mileage in it they too would make a pretty good case for each having a different school.

I think this is pretty simple (that's not to say it is for you as you try and deal with this situation). If they're about to go to secondary school they're about to be parting company (in terms of becoming an adult) anyway.

Look at the school situation again pretending that you haven't got twins but just two siblings. Which school is best for your daughter and her educational requirements? Then that's the one she goes to. Which one is best for your son and his educational requirements? Then that's the one he goes to. If this happens to be the same or different schools, so be it.

Don't forget, they're on the road to becoming independent adults from the time that they start secondary. Emotional issues shouldn't be the thing around which everything else revolves at this stage. If they have a good bond, then they will continue to do so, just outside of school. If they are in the same school, so long as it's not a tiny one, as BOYTT says, they'll have plenty of opportunity to avoid each other.
Think about their education and not about emotion as the priority and I'm sure you'll be fine.

My DTD's are currently 8 and though there is a fantastic school (secondary) for them to go to I'm already considering sending one of them to a different secondary which specialises in music as one of my DTD's excels at music whilst the other is very academic.

HTH

The schools I am considering would be good for both of them, so I think what you say does make sense seasons.