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Multiple births

When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

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Original poster

Feel like I've abandoned my 14w twins

15 replies

Tinks30 · 07/03/2012 09:46

I feel absolutely awful but after a couple of restless nights I've packed the girls off to their grandparents for the day so I can get my self in gear. Their grandparents are lovely and I wouldn't trust them with anyone else but I feel absolutely awful about doing it. They should be at home with me.
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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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ceeveebee · 07/03/2012 10:59

Tinks, what's up? The last post on your feeding thread seemed positive? Are you ok?

Heavensmells · 07/03/2012 11:08

It's win win for all of you IMO. You get some time alone and headspace, twins get to spend time with grandparents and grandparents get time alone with two lovely babies.
Please don't give yourself a hard time.

Byeckerslike · 07/03/2012 11:12

Oh Tinks, i totally understnad how you feel, my twins are 9 mths now and i feel bad even now when i pack them off, which isnt often as i am still bf.

Gp will be in their element, get some sleep... I am very

I think i feel more guilty than i did with ds1 because i feel like its a massive imposition to expect someone else to have two babies, which is really hard work! In reality they will be having masses of cuddles and come home to a well rested and calm mummy.

Have a lovely day :)

rubbishonlineshopper · 07/03/2012 11:17

Don't feel guilty! My twins are one now, and ive got a three yr old, I dropped them all at nursery this morning & got the day off to rest mnet. You enjoy the peace & headspace, whole family will benefit

TalkingTwins · 07/03/2012 11:17

Don't feel bad, try and get as much help as you can. My twins are 3.5 years now and some days are still a struggle but it does get easier.

Original poster

Tinks30 · 07/03/2012 17:07

Hey ceeveebee, they had an amazing night then it all went Pete tong.
I wonder if I'm putting them to bed too early. We feed them at 6pm then put then down around 7. But they are still such sleepy babies (they are 7 weeks corrected). What do you think?
The girls are home now and we are having lovely cuddles.
I feel very inadequate at all of this

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ceeveebee · 07/03/2012 17:33

Hi
When ours were 7 weeks we used to feed them at 7pm so it was about 8 by the time they got to bed. Then used to feed about 11 and then they would wake once in the night, around 3am, then sleep till 630 ish.
I know its not advised, but we put them in their own room at about 8 weeks, and had the baby monitor on. They and we slept so much better. Don't blame you for taking some time out, I am lucky and have lots of help (my mum is here this week, my MIL next week). I also have a group of twin mum friends and we all support each other and meet up every 2 weeks. Where are you based? If anywhere near London you're welcome to come along next time we meet up?

Original poster

Tinks30 · 07/03/2012 17:42

We also put the girls on their own room early on. Their reflux would keep us up at night. We also have a monitor on.
Tonight we're going to try putting them down later. So they'll end up in bed by about 8 too.
I'm based in Dartford and there's a lovely group about 20 mins from me. I've only been once (last week) and gave it a miss today because I was exhausted.
I figured if we put them down a bit later they would more likely be asleep when I'm asleep

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ceeveebee · 07/03/2012 17:51

I'm glad you've got some RL support.

Oh and I should also say that I used to go to bed at 930 and my DH would do the 11pm feed, then I would do the 3am feed. So I used to get nearly 6 hours sleep inbetween feeds. No point in us both doing both feeds. You have to feed them both together though to avoid lots of tears! Is this something you could do or would it not work with his shifts?

Original poster

Tinks30 · 07/03/2012 18:02

That would really suit me but my OH is not confident feeding them together on his own. I do it all the time but he just gets in a flap everytime

OP posts:

randommoment · 07/03/2012 18:46

Don't feel guilty about having time off. I couldn't have done it without my wonderful mum taking charge occasionally so I could catch up with myself. You are not going to miss any major developmental changes in just one day and I can absolutely assure you they won't miss you one tiny bit!

And in about 13 years time you can type something like this to another newbie twin mum.

ceeveebee · 07/03/2012 19:38

Hmm. Well actually at our 11 pm feed they are both really sleepy and it is possible to wake one (maybe slightly earlier to pre-empt waking on their own), feed, settle and then wake the other. Obviously takes longer though. Could your OH do that, with the option to wake you if it goes pearshaped? If you are doing every feed no wonder you feel exhausted!

Original poster

Tinks30 · 07/03/2012 20:48

I have suggested we take turns because I don't mind feeding them on my own - I do it all the time but his rationale is whilst there's two of us it makes sense us both doing it also tbh I know that he wouldn't do it properly. Our girls like to take their time and he's in such a rush to get back to bed that I know they'll end up waking again. I feel a bit mean saying all this because he is soooo good. Sometimes he has to leave at 4am for work and he still gets up to do feeds. I have friends who's partners don't work shifts and don't help out with the night feeds.
I know it will get better - just have to keep reminding myself that.
Btw - FIL made a dig when he dropped the girls home. They were grizzling when they got home because they'd not had an afternoon nap and he thought it would be funny to say they were crying because they don't like me. At the time i was really upset but now I'm just angry. How dare he make comments like that. I do this on my own for the majority of the time. When they take them there's two of them so of course it's going to be easier. I'm actually incensed about it

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TalkingTwins · 07/03/2012 21:51

Tinks30 - just try and stop worrying. I had no idea what I was doing when I had my twins but they have turned out all right (so far that is ). Just ignore the comments, people don't understand how hard it is with twins.

ceeveebee · 07/03/2012 21:59

My babies must hate me then coz they grizzle all afternoon every day!

Ignore your FIL, although he was joking he doesn't realise how much little silly comments can get to you when you're tired and hormonal.

It sounds like your partner is really supportive which makes a massive difference. Just keep taking it one day at a time and get as much help as you can, someday soon they'll sleep for longer stretches and you will feel so much stronger and able to face the day!

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