Has having twins made you a stonger person?

[mrsbertiewooster]

Hi all!
I've never posted on the twins forum here before as the last year or so has been a haze - my DT's, identical boys, are 17 months, also have a 4 year old DD. And also, didn't really have time to reflect really as was on the treadmill of busyness with twins amd toddler!

The boys are great thank god but it has been a huge journey for us all, I feel it's been a personal journey for me as (not to sound dramatic) but having twins has stretched me further emotionally, physically and mentally that i ever thought it was possible to go, for loads of reaons:

1. gettting used to handling premmie babies, with jaundice, worrying about getting them up to normal weight, etc.
2. The physicality of following - lifting, winding, changing, pushing a double buggie around the city and shopping centres, usually through narrow doors so have to get help opening double doors, etc
3. The mental endurance to handle sleep deprivation - our boys didn't sleep night for about a year
4. The guilt you feel at not giving them the same (or feeling you're not) time as DC1

Am amazed that they're very happy little men now, never sick, play really well together, language a bit delayed but they understand lots and have lovely easy-going temperaments. DD1 loves them now too :)

But I can say that it was made me a much stronger person!! It has practically turned me into the Dalai Lama I look at other mothers with one DC (plenty of my friends have one child and find it hard) who stress over them - I was like that with DD1 - but I feel much more competent now and able to handle anything. Nothing phases me. Or am I just a bit smug

Do other twin mums feel like this!?

Gosh yes!!!

I feel like a superwoman :) I have 5dc. 8,5 1 year old and 4 week old twins!!!

Don't know how I manage it as dh is on shift works and I working all night so I have to do mostly everything as he has to sleep during day!!

But saying that I feel very smug in the evenings thy eveyone is clean, fed and well basically still alive lol

Oh goodness, well I DID feel smug .. but my dts are my only children. You people have others! xkatyx you feel like superwoman? You surely ARE superwoman...5!!!!! Wow, hats off to both of you.

Well ok I do still feel a little bit smug about having coped with all those things you mention OP. The physicality thing certainly surprised me - we live in a third floor flat with no lift, so just leaving the house (especially in winter when everyone needs coats, gloves, hats) is a bit of a major workout.
My two were also in special care (not for too long, but ds had problems breathing), and when I look at them now, at 14 months, and see them so strong and healthy and into everything I almost burst with pride.

It has been a challenging year and a bit, I used to think my job made me tired and that I was busy ... HA! I didn't know the meaning of the words until these two came along, but when I realise we're getting there, we're coping, and when people in the street stop me to admire them...then YES, I DO feel just a little bit smug :)

Btw I do like these "Isn't being a twin mum great?" threads....

You should feel smug benja you have made it through the first year :)

At this moment in time I can't ever see getting through the long hard nights. They seam never ending :(

Interesting thread, OP. My dts are nine now and I have a seven year old so life is obviously much easier, but I do look back on the early days and wonder how I did it, or how we did it, as dh was as involved with them as I was, apart from when I was on maternity leave. There are days when I think I'm wonder woman and can do anything and other days when I'm ... Just knackered.

xkatyx, hmmm long hard nights .... remember that well, it does get better, although I am convinced our friends with one 14 mth old get much more sleep than we do!

Sinking, I love that "obviously much easier"!!! I love it because at the moment, in the thick of the onset of toddlerhood/toddlerdom/toddlerwhateveryoucallit, its not obvious to me at all! It's reassuring to know it WILL get easier :)

It WILL get easier, benjalamummy - I promise. After having toddler twins and a newborn baby, nothing phases me any more. Actually they've all turned into quite nice human beings and my sanity has almost returned. :) I'm probably enjoying the calm before the teenage storm though ...

I think I feel stronger for getting through the first few months without losing my mind through lack of sleep. Mine are 8 months now and still poor sleepers but we also had bad colic to contend with until 5/6 months as well- at times it has been unbearable, facing a long day with very little sleep (as you will all know!) I had honestly hoped they would be sleeping much better by now but I do live in hope!

I will say that I love having twins- I do feel incredibly lucky and just love how they are which each other now- we am experiencing things that I never would have done with a singleton. Doesn't stop it being hard work though- half dreading the double toddler tantrums already!

Can I ask what times your twins sleep? And what is considered bad sleeping for you all?

I really do dread nights there soooooo long!

xkatyx, at 4 weeks I think all our two did between feeds was sleep, they were 5 weeks prem, so quite small. At that stage WE were waking THEM to feed them, as weight gain was such an issue. So we woke them at 11pm, 3am and 7pm. It felt like nights were long and hard at the time, as we were first-timers and so un-used to broken nights. ( It took about 90 mins to feed, wind and change). During the daytime, we tried to keep them awake for a while after each feed, by making things interesting. From 7pm until 7am, everything was done in the bedroom, in relative darkness, to try to get a night/day distinction going.
Now a bad night is when they are awake through teething, illness etc. Usually they are asleep at 7. On a good night one will stir about 4.30 - 5am and we bring one to our bed to avoid them waking each other up. Then we all doze off again until about 6/6.30. That's about 3 nights out of 7.

Bad sleeping for us is dtd losing dummy frequently and not settling herself/dts teething (often!)/not re-settling after stirring in the early hours 5 - 5.30. It is often like musical beds in our house!

katy at 4 weeks mine were waking every 2 hours for a feed without fail. They were very unsettled in the evenings- I think they eventually started to calm down around 10/11 pm but would still wake for the feeds throughout. They still wake up an awful lot in the night now at 8 months and I find it exhausting to be honest. Had a particulary bad night last night with DD being wide awake from 3am, up with both from 4am. They do have some better nights than this and I have tried everything over the past few months, except proper controlled crying. I have altered feeding times, nap times, bed time etc. They still 'need' milk in the night, twice each usually. We are so tired just keep powering through though!

Definitely stronger here.
My dts are 3 and my eldest is 7.
My house isn't always up to scratch but my kids are well behaved (ummm mostly) and well loved.
I can safely say that I am far better equipped to deal with anything thrown at me now than before.

I love this thread! Yes, yes and yes!! There are so many ways in which having twins has changed me, and at times i have to hold back in the self congratulation! Obviously its been hard too, my girls are nearly 4 now and i do look back at the first year and think it was the hardest time of my life. But let me say this; once you have got through the first year, have a wonderful first birthday for your babies and celebrate it, for them and you and any other member of the family that has helped!! I remember feeling on their 1st birthday 'Ive done it':o Felt like wonderwoman frankly.
I secretly think to myself (although obviously dont shout it out) that multiple mums are a special breed...once youve fed two newborn babies in the middle of the night, changed awful nappies one after the other, soothed two babies by keeping both feet on their bouncers, had two babies in your arms for cuddles, mastered a double bathtime, and so many more challenging feats, surely you can do anything??!
Oh and just to say, it DOES get easier as they get older, so many people told me this at the beginning and i just couldnt see it happening, but it does. Promise from one multiple mum to many others

oh hellswelshy,that's made me feel brilliant! I AM supermum! Thanks, cheered me up on a morning after one of our not so good nights :)

hellswelshy - thank you so much! We are at 9 months and I hope/think/whisper we might be coming out of a very bad sleep phase (have seen every hour some nights - every 2 hours was a good night). We will have to survive some more when illness/teething hits again but I think I can handle short spells better now.

Before I had DTs I thought I was quite tough (have done quite a lot of endurance sport). Ha Ha. Long distance training and racing is nothing compared to this. I don't know if it has made me stronger - I might know in a few months. At the moment I feel ridiculously scared of things that used to be so habitual - popping up to town on the train for lunch for example. It can be difficult to get the balance right between pushing myself to get out and do things and staying close to home. Anyway - Polka - wishing you luck (I tried all the stuff you mentioned and I think some of it worked - or they just get a bit older and it changes).

I have to keep remembering that "I did it" (my twins are 9) but tbh I think it has left me with deep seated anxieties , a sort of long term backlash from surviving the first years. It is almost as if one can be strong for a certain amount of time and then it all goes pear shaped when things get easier

No, I am definitely stronger. But I think the feeling of battling the odds continues longer than perhaps it should. Sometimes I realise that other people have three children too and it is actually easier for me, with grownup children than the people I envied who had three in stately 2/3 year gap succession rather than all at once. It is almost as if my mindset is "EMBATTLED< STRESSED TWIN MOTHER" when actually it doesn't need to be...I know I can cope but it is almost as if I don't want to ever put myself through any stress again...

They are so lovely what would I do if I hadn't had one or the other?

I had our HV visit yesterday to weigh babies and they are doing really well so no need to wake thematic night anymore so last night I done the usual bath at 6.30 milk at 7 and then they woke up at 12am and then went till 6am.

We were on 12,4 then early to bed at 7 the 12,4,8 at night/morning.

I still topped them up at 8am so they didn't actually miss a feed.

but today I feel drained?? Very strange considering I'm up dressed house cleaned etc but I do feel very sore today (csection) that came out of know where. I could sleep all day and i can't shift this headache!!!

katy that's great re weights. I am not surprised you feel drained, 4 week old twins and 3 other children! I am knackered with just my twins! I think you're doing really well to be in that routine, I wish mine had been. Although, mine were born late at night and the Health Visitor thought they had their days and nights mixed up

Hope your head gets better and the C-Section pain... it took a good while for me to recover from mine, still get the odd little twinge

I think The routine is that we have had so much practice with it its just natural now.

But I think you do what you have to to get through, mine sometimes sleep in car seats just so I get a few hours to get on.

I'm glad to hear that the csection pain sounds normal.

xkaty I think you should check that c-section hasn't become infected, as you sounds as if you are working very very hard. The sleep seemed to get slightly worse I should warn you about six weeks, it was almost as if the babies "woke up" for want of better word, so it might be worth taking steps to make things as easy as possible, ask friends to help with older children etc. Please look after yourself, as it is quite a long haul. Don't iron anything!!!!

Just doing the first feed of the night:

The scar looks ok, no redness or anything but above the scar ( scar numb) it's sore to touch? This is my first csection so I don't have a clue.

Also I think the babies have there first cold :(

Katy - forgot to say in my post - you are amazing. I find that when I get some sleep I feel worse. I think it just takes the edge off the numbness and I can feel the tiredness. Also the adrenaline and cortisol levels go down so it getsa bit harder. Sort of like a short term version of swanthing's long term stress which made a lot of sense.

Thank you :) it's lovely to hear compliments, I don't think u twin mummies get alot as we are basically thought of as "mad" or "just et in with it"

Lol does anyone else get the "your mad" as if you deliberately put 2 in there???

Great to read this thread. With a toddler and 5mth twins I find when it is going well I feel like a genius, but when it is going badly it is really bad. Not sure I feel stronger as a person yet. Sometimes I feel quite inadequate. Time will tell.