Join my rant: friends who don't get it.

[BagofHolly]

I want to know I'm not alone in this! My twins are 1, and I have a two year old as well. And increasingly I'm finding it hard to be patient with friends who don't "get it" - just what sort of pressures that brings - yet how can they understand something they've never experienced? IABU!

What set me of is I'd arranged to meet a friend who has a 3 year old. I piled all mine in the car having done high speed breakfast/dressed/teeth etc etc, and got there only to get a text saying "Sorry we're running late as she doesn't want to get dressed." WTAF?

And this morning my neighbour said (for about the fifth time) "you must pop over when you don't have the children." Pop? I won't be popping anywhere for bloody years! And if I've not got the kids I'll be trying to get some sleep!

Tell me it's not just me that's a grumpy cow!

I know where you are coming from, it's like a miltary operation just to get out of the house with 3 small children! Then it's best to get there early as it'll takes another 10-15 mins to get all the kids out the car, catch the little one who ran away, wipes the other ones nose, change the other etc etc. People with one child just don't understand the time and precise we put into getting out of the house to get somewhere, I think I would be annoyed as well.
Your neighbour is probably just being polite, maybe you should invite her over when the children are having a nap or being quiet? You do need to make time for yourself whether that be popping to the neighbours, getting your hair done, going shopping child-free etc is there anyone who could look after your kids for a few hours while you have some "me" time, even supermum needs a break sometimes :)

I quite agree! I do get a little time to myself, or I think I'd self destruct!

How do you manage when friends with only one child moan about sleep/behaviour/general stuff? I find myself silenced, sitting there chewing my tongue off! ALL mine have been really unwell lately, d&v, back to back ABs, wailing through the night, all stuff which would be trying if it was one child but multiplied by 3 and it's mind altering! So when a friend with ONE child that still wakes ONCE said "I know how you feel" I had to pretend to take a phonecall so prevent myself from punching her to the ground.

I get really pissy about the ones who tell me how tired and exhusted I must be or look and then nothing, not an offer of help, not a cup of tea, nada! My own mother being queen of the running me ragged.

I think what pisses me off even more than that, Faerie, are the ones who offer and then bomb out when actually required to do anything! And I'd like to name and shame my local branch of Mamas and Papas who watched me fight my way in with a double buggy and a toddler on a buggyboard, through a double door that kept hitting us, and did nothing. One of them said "you twin mums are so capable" and then stood and watched AGAIN as we reversed back out. Another customer took pity on me and was aghast they'd all stood there watching me struggle!

But moaning about their own sleeplessness makes me stubby.

Along with cries of 'oo you're so organised'

Oh gosh my twins are Nearly 3 weeks old and I'm already sick of it!!! I also have a 1 year old, 6 year old and 9 year old!!!

I'm sick of the "you look so pale and tired" or "I would love twins" but then on another sentence they say they want anymore kids!!

I get the "your coping so well" I feel Like screaming, I have no other choice!!

It's if they all are waiting for me to fall on my face.

I'm loving these rants! My Mum came round to "help" when they were 4 weeks old (for help read - pick one up, cuddle, put down, pick up the other one, cuddle, put down). I gave her some soup for lunch, her first question "is it bought, or homemade?"
Then at 9 weeks I was supposed to meet my childless (free? am I being un-PC?) mate for lunch. She decided to take a rain check as she'd been travelling with work and was too tired!!

get over it. lots of people would be delighted to have 3 healthy children

My triplets are 2 now - and yes, its easier because they can do some things themselves (help with shoes and coat etc) but it still doesn't mean that I can be ready to go within 5 minutes!
I remember my HV used to book the girls in for an appt at silly-o'clock just to 'test me' and see if I was up and ready. She would tell me to come to the clinic at 8.30 - at the time my older 2 girls were only 2 and 3 aswell, yet if I was even 5 minutes late she would tut at me and rant that I obviously couldn't cope with getting them all ready.
Was in a group of a few other mums (just from a toddler group) and we would take DC's somewhere once a week - only, we would plan our day out on the same morning... Only one other woman had 2 DCs, the rest had 1 so was easy for them to just pack bags and get 1 child ready. Then they would moan that I was a bit late for our day out - I kept saying that if only they decided the night before, even, what we were doing - I could pack bags and lunch and get everything ready for the next day. But as I didn't know how long we were going to be, I would have to make bottles (for triplets) for however long we were going out for, lunch for me and older DD's and pack bag depending on day out - muddy walk, zoo, beach etc.

And also when people say that their children have been 'up in the night' ill and have had hardly any sleep as their DC's woke up at 2am and 4am.
If mine are ill, they are ALL ill, and I would honestly probably get half hour sleep per night if they were really poorly. Mine take turns in waking and being settled back to sleep, by the time the 3rd one has been settled, the first wakes up and it starts all over again...
Saying thing, I bet if OctoMum read this, she would be saying that we should be lucky that we dont have 8 babies awake at night..

Wow! I'm loving this thread as I have this all to come. ( triplets due next month) I've had enough of the comments already- "Triplets? How the hell are you going to cope? This was one of my neighbours!
Out of interest kateshmate- how are you getting on?

Too tired to rant, 14 month old id twin girls I've found i'm much more organised now I've got the girls, I was always late but am slowly getting my timing better.

Come and visit on our "Life with Twins 3" thread lots of communal moaning and KateShmate & *kentDee" you are both more than welcome, stop us moaning so much and open our eyes. Our catchphrase has alway been "One child would be a piss of piss, and at least we don't have triplets" meant in the nicest possible way of course Do you get much help?

LaVita Hahahaha! To be honest, I cant imagine that adding 1 more to twins would be that much harder - so you are definitely welcome to moan!
Then again, I moan and then forget that there are people with quads, quints, sextuplets etc etc etc!! I remember on one forum, there was an american mum with quads AND triplets.... My husband always says that we can't 'risk' getting pregnant again incase its triplets again - again, meant in the nicest way possible - we love them to bits, but I think I would have some kind of triplet breakdown if we had 8 children.
We never got one of those Sure Start volunteers - apparently not all areas 'get them' ( ) and as our closest family is over 2 hours away, we realized that we would need a bit of help so we got a nanny just to 'assist' in the daytime. The hardest thing was trying to entertain a 2YO and 3YO whilst trying to feed 3 slow-feeding babies - so that was the nanny's main job - entertaining my eldest 2 whilst I was feeding.
kentDee Wow!! Is next month your:
A) '9 month' due date?
B) 'Triplet' due date?
C) C-section date planned
D) Your prediction!?

Sorry, I know you're given so many different dates that everything is happening - its hard to even give people a set due date!
Try not to be too sick of the comments already as you will get them for years to come...
Unless we have a duvet day inside, theres rarely been a day when I dont get some sort of a 'triplets' comment. Old ladies are usually so sweet though - there have been a few who've said 'Wow! triplets - Im so glad I got to witness this pleasure at least once in my lifetime!'
We are doing good at the moment - triplets are nearly 2.6 (Shit.. nearly 2 and a half!) and at such a brilliant age - still such innocence! They seem to be doing really well developmentally, and at the same 'level' as their peers which we are so pleased about.Our littlest isn't doing so well - she was recently diagnosed with a diabetes-'type' condition which means that she is constantly being pricked to test her bloods; and usually means that she spends half her life on the sofa, exhausted. We have had to pull her out of nursery as she just cant cope or keep up with the others.. she seems to be falling 'behind' the other 2 which is worrying us a bit - esp as the other 2 are thriving so well. Now is the age that you really see the 'bond' between them too - if one is poorly, they will sit together having a cuddle for ages.. but if I even suggest a cuddle, they just run away from me laughing!
Its brilliant kentDee - such an amazing journey!

KateSchmate Brilliant that you/they are doing so well, it's just a case of having to get on with it. All the moaning in the world wouldn't make it any easier so you just pull your socks up and cope, I agree with the OP that many of my friends with singletons just take the biscuit with their complaining

So basically noone can moan or have an off day, run late etc as there is always someone in a worse situation?

And they can't even empathise with you by saying they know how you feel?

What rubbish.

Thanks LaVitaBellisima - that is what we live by really, 'pull your socks up and cope'.
Yes there are some days where they do my absolute head in and just fight for the whole day - stropping and screaming at whatever I do, but like you say - all I can do is just get on with it!
Im sure lots of multiple mums will disagree with this, but to some extent - having triplets is easier than having a singleton. But only at certain ages/time! Obviously 3 newborn babies is NOT easier, but when they play together so nicely - its much easier because they are all the same age and get on so well. It has taken quite a while to get there though!

Oh, i'm looking forward to the playing together! I have a 16 month old and my twins are due April ish. I am almost ready to add he coping with three under 18 months into the worrying about the pregnancy continuing ok equation, and feeding while entertaining DD is what bothers me most! This thread has made me smile and be a bit apprehensive

So glad I'm not the only one who feels like this!
I have 3 very adventurous boys DS1 age 4 and DTs age 17 months. People just don't understand how difficult it is going to other peoples house, play centres etc I have certain friends houses I have to avoid as I just cannot manage the kids there at the moment! It makes me feel like I can't handle the kids well enough and I just get all stressed about the cupboard they're climbing / stairs they've disappeared up / ornaments they're chewing!! You cannot look in 3 directions at once. Easier to stay at home often.
I know I'm wishing this precious time away but I am looking forward to when they are past this stage.
On the plus side, they have reached the age that once in their totally gated baby safe play area at home I can leave them to play together while I wash up etc and I love peeping around the corner and watching them interacting together
You've all made me feel a bit more normal, thanks!

My standard response to "I wish I'd had twins" is I'll lend them out to you for the day. They usually step away quite quickly. If anything most people go with the "I don't know how you cope" line but since some of them have 5 or 6 or 3 under 5 I think they're doing pretty well anyway and don't know how I'd cope with their lot. My standard response is "we survive" with a smile on a good day w/out on a bad. Only one person was a bit funny. She asked me if they slept well and when I'd said last night had been bad gave me a look as if we all have bad nights. But most of the time it's ok.

I do wish though that the "I don't know how you cope" would translate into more practical offers of assistance!

When asked how I do it, my standard reply was " I am a functioning alcoholic!"
I found the worst to be the local NCT bumps and babes cafe where I was the only one with twins and a lot of them just waiting to put me down. It used to really piss them off when I rolled up, clean hair, makeup and unflustered when they were moaning about silly drama queen stuff with only the one child.
It's great when they get older and play together though, lovely to watch. Our two love playing with older and younger children ( they won't be getting any more siblings though) so I bet you'll also enjoy watching all of your children playing together.

I was often asked, by childless or one child friends, if we'd like them to babysit so we can go out. I invited them round for a couple of hours, to see what it would be like. The invitations dried up remarkably quickly.

Yeah I had the same... Lots of offers of help before they were born & NADA when they actually arrived. My twins are nearly 1 year old & I still get the standard comment "oooh you've got your hands full" pretty much everywhere I go.
I really pisses me off though when singleton mums whine on about being tired.
I have nothing but the deepest respect for anyone with triplets or more. Two is bloody hard work. 3+??? Jeeeeeeez

Do you find your friendships with people without twins are drifting? I was warmed this would happen but didn't believe it. But it is. I had an invitation to a tea which would have meant DH having all three by himself (I know I do it a lot but that's my job - he would be thrown in at the deep end really) and when I declined, was told to tell him to "man up"! And an invitation to a party on a weekday, that was just for me and my 2 year old, cos no room for my one year old twins. I don't think they mean to be hurtful - they're lovely people but it's like we're in parallel universes. Know what I mean?