What can I do to help close friend of twins?

[mumtorobbie]

A very close friend of mine had very premature twins back in the summer. One of her girls is now back home but her other DD is still in hospital and is unlikely to be out until Spring next year. She has lots of problems and has to have a major operation, hence the long stay.

My friend is a brilliant coper but I saw her on Saturday and I'm really worried that she's close to a breakdown. She is spending the morning at home with her DD, then spending the afternoon and early evening with her other daughter in NICU.

She is absolutely exhausted, is breastfeeding both girls and her DH is still working full time (no chance of reducing hours).

I would really like to offer to have her DD for the night so she and her DH can get an unbroken night's sleep but I don't think she'll take me up on the offer as she's not keen to let her out of her sight overnight.

Is there anything else practically speaking I can do to help?

Would it be possible for you to stay at her house one day/night and help out with basic things such a nappy changes, cleaning, doing dinner for them both? As a mother of 2 very perm babies I wouldn't have wanted anyone to really take them off my hands for me, I was too scared to let them out of my sight!

Could you drive her back and forth to NICU?

She's so lucky to have a friend like you. When my youngest was taken back in shortly after leaving SCBU a very good friend came and just sat with me by his cot. Just knowing someone else was there and cared was all I needed really.

Hope her little one comes home soon.

Take over a casserole
Volunteer to stay at home with baby while she has a shower, goes to dentist, hairdresser etc

The problem is, I live on the other side of London and work Mon-Thurs and it takes me 2hrs to get to her so helping her daily is not really an option.

I did organise a babysitting rota for her, which has worked well so far.

I just feel so desperately sorry for her and the strain the both of them are under is so intense I can't imagine how they're coping really.

I go on maternity leave in a few weeks so I'm hoping to spend more time with her and we all clubbed together and bought her a spa voucher but I doubt she'll use it.

I spoke to her DH and he said he's worried about her too and just wishes she'd slow down a bit.

being on the go all the time and not really wanting help is a way of coping. i know that i still do it now as i struggle to shake the feeling of guilt that my body couldn't carry my precious boys to term. its a silly way to think as they are both fit and healthy now but it eats you up. just make sure that she isn't heading down that path as it can be very destructive.

Suggestions:
Organise a supermarket delivery of ready meals - we lived on pie, ready mash, and pasta parcels for 7 weeks when our Dts were in.
Offer to make any phone calls/admin you can help with - being offline for hours each day made it really hard to stay on top of things.
Lifts might be appreciated but I preferred taxis as I didn't have to be polite if I was having a bad day. Expensive though.

Can you go with her to NICU? A friend of mine has triplets, one still in hospital, and she can't take the other babies in when she goes to see her. So she needs people to be with her in NICU to look after the two bigger babies while she stays with the poorly one.

Can you visit and watch the baby who is home while she has an hour to bath etc? I found someone I knew watching my babies in my home was the only way I was able to have a relaxing bath or take a nap. It was such a help!

If you can't get to her, can you give her vouchers for a doula who could do that? Just 2 hours can make an enormous difference.

She is lucky to have a friend who cares.