Starting a routine for 13 week old twins

[Beamae]

My baby girls are just over 13 weeks old (7 weeks adjusted) and up until quite recently our lives have been one day of chaos after another. The only thing vaguely regular about their routine has been feeding, in that we can feed them at the same time but this has been at irregular intervals - anything from every 2 to 4 hours. They haven't really developed any patterns of sleeping or waking and I feel like it might be a good time to try to instill a routine. Over the last couple of weeks I think they seem to be settling into feeding every 3 hours and they have one regular sleep time from 10pm until 1.30am, although sometimes they sleep until 2am. Because they are so random I have randomly decided that 10.30am will be a nap time and have been taking them upstairs and putting them in their cot. Yesterday that seemed to work because they were awake, had a 9.30am bottle and then played for a while before their nap. Today, they were asleep for an hour, had a 10am bottle, but I still put them in their cot at 10.30. It's taken me an hour now to get them to settle and drop off. I have also decided to bath them at 6pm, give them a bottle and put them in their cots by 7pm. Last night was my first go at this and it was awful. The evening is usually a time when they are wide awake but very niggly and as my husband still isn't home from work, it's a bit of the day I don't find very fun. So I was thinking if I could reset their clocks to sleep from 7 I can have a bit of free time to cook and eat. But Twin1 screamed right through the bathing bit and they both took a couple of hours or more to settle down, which left the briefest bit of time before their next bottle. Am I doing this right? Do I just persist with my random timings until they fall in line? They are presumably still too young to be left to cry. But I don't really know what I'm doing so if anyone has any advice I'd be very grateful.

And also, should I be waking them up at specific times as well? Or just leave them to wake naturally?

Am an hour and a quarter into trying to settle them. As soon as one drops off the other is wide awake crying. Am beginning to wonder if there is any point. Are they too young for this? Should I wait for them to start sleeping longer stretches between feeds before doing a bedtime?

Hey Beamae,

I'd give it a few more weeks.
I introduced a bedtime routine at 10 weeks adjusted (they were 5 weeks prem) for my DT's and they fitted straight into it. With DS1 I waited until he was 14 weeks and same again.
My bedtime routine at that stage went as follows.
5.30pm - feed
5.50pm ish - naked time (strip them off and let them have a good play around/wriggle on the floor)
6.10pm ish - bath time. After bath I put them in a nightie (so different to what they wear during the day) and a sleeping bag.
6.30 pm ish - feed
7pm ish - into cot.

Hope that helps.

We have a vedtime routine and that's the one bit we've managed (although dtd2 is currently over my shoulder - not a happy bunny tonight with a cold).
We have to sort dd1 out too so our routine works round that.

7pm up for bath, massage, clothes on and feed (by the time I've done one dh is free to bath other while I feed)
bed - once feed is over and burped. The cot mobile is amazing as they watch it until they sleep (it's the tiny love classic)
11pm - quick nappy change and bottle
they used to sleep until 6 or 7am but the last 2 weeks they've woken for feeds around 3.30am.

daytime routine is far more varied as it depends on our plans.

bedtime not vedtime

Our twins are 10weeks (4weeks adjusted) routine is as follows:
6 pm split feed if bath, dressed etc...
7pm feed
8.30 bed
11pm feed

On 'off' days this goes totally out the window. But if everyone in good form i always try to stick to this. I even walk them at the same time too if i'm not going out - might be a little too into routine right now - but i feel it helps me to know what to do and when!

Re trying to settle them - we heat the cot with hot water bottles and have them sleep on one of my pillow cases for comfort - our girls have settled 90% of the time since they've been home from ICU - maybe this has helped us?hard to know...might help you....

We are very similar to Princess - although - Princess do you bath yours every night?I am only doing it 3times in the week and a quick top and tail otherwise - timewise i find it difficult. Also how did you get them to cut out the night feed? So far no matter how 'awake; mine are they won't drop it! I know it's early days though.....

baemae, my twins are only half cooked, but I had a nightmare with a nocturnal DD. I just started the routine at 5 or 6 weeks for the evening- just for me really, so I thought there was some kind of structure. It went exactly like yours sounds like to start with (as in, tits up!), but I was amazed that by 10 weeks it'd worked, and she went to bed quite reliably! Obviously, she wasn't prem though- that may make a difference.

Having said that, I'd listen to the other twin mums over me- and I had to do naps more to when she looked tired or I never got anywhere- in fact, I walked her in sling when she got tired as didn't crack daytime naps in her cot for 9 months...

Hello - I did a nighttime routine from 3 weeks and by 11 weeks the twins went to sleep at 7pm.

I think there is a difference between a routine (sequence of events) and a schedule (events at a fixed time). I had to tweak bath and bedtime as the random time I picked didn't work at first. Whilst that was on a fixed time other naps happened when they were tired (roughly the same time each day but not always). I fed on demand but this quickly developed a pattern so I knew when I had a window to get out.

Not sure that is very helpful - seems very vague but I think everyone works out their own timings with their twins - I'm sure it will start to work itself out soon.

Thank you everyone. Some good tips about the naked time, hot water bottles and having a routine, not a schedule. It does sound like I have to soldier on for ages before it falls into place, which is daunting. But if it pays off in the end it will be worth it. Does everyone bath their babies one at a time?

Oh yes, there was a lot more perseverance needed than I thought- I'd hoped a week would crack it well worth it though, the bliss of your evenings back!!!

And my routine still varies slightly- depending on how long her nap was, how tired etc I put dd in the bath between 6 and 6:45, but always same events in same order then. She's 15 months now. Always worked til the last 3 months when she's been consistently ill... Good luck!

my twins kinda fell into routine. The only thing i really did was if 1 woke for a feed id wake the other 1. By about 7 weeks they were having a feed at 11pm 4am and then 8am. Then they just missed their 4am feed 1 night and that was it. They are 16 months now and go to bed at 7-7.30 and wake at 8. I think the key is to just relax and enjoy them. Im a very laid back disorganised person and they are just very chilled out babies. I did it on my own (their dad isnt interested) so the twins had to learn to be patient as i have a 6 year old too.
The bathing things in our house was 1 child per night although now when the twins are having a bath then dd with often jump in to "help".

It gets easier and there is nothing better then listening to twins chatting away in their cots.

Oh do your twins sleep in the same cot? Mine did until they were 1 and i think that also made a huge different to how well they slept

Starshaker, can I ask how much (ish) they weighed at 7 weeks? Someone told me they need to get to 10 pounds before they can take on enough food to start dropping feeds and mine are just under that now.

I am so torn between waiting for a routine to emerge naturally and forcing one. But I do feel right now like they are the boss of me and I'm not making any of the decisions. What I can say is that since I've been doing the nap in the darkened room in the morning, Twin 1 seems to be a lot happier when she is awake, because she was either asleep or awake and crying before. Twin 2 is very laid back and just goes with the flow.

Beamae my ID girls were premi and had a low birth weight. Our district nurse is still coming every week - at 10weeks DT2 is 8lbs 3 and DT1 is 7lbs3 - we were just told that they will not be physically ready to drop the night feed until over 10/11lbs and more alert during the day.Mine sleep quite abit still!

As someone said above - i could be more about sequence of events rather than times. I now don't mind if thing are an hour ahead or late but we do everything always in the same order!

Must run! YOu will get there in time :) you will all find your rhythm.

sorry its taken so long to get back. Ive looked their little red books and 1 was 8lb 4 and the other 7lb 14. They were little gannets though and were having 6oz bottles 6 times a day. The HV said as long as they were taking enough during the day it was ok. My dd1 was sleeping right through from day 1 (11pm-6am). I do admit to being very very lucky on the sleeping front.

Just go with what your babies tell you and you will get there. Try not to worry xx

Hi Beamae - congrats on your babies

I've got nearly 5 month old b/g twins and also a 5 yo DS and a 3yo DS.

I totally agree about aiming for a sequence of events rather than a routine dictated by the clock. I think that you picking random times for things to happen is unlikely to work well tbh. However, aiming to put them down for a nap 2 hours after they woke, and feeding 3 hourly, is reasonable and achieveable

Mine have fallen into a good bedtime routine without a huge amount of conscious effort.

DTS gets tired first as he naps less in the day, so he goes to bed at about 6.30pm. He's still swaddled and I bfeed him in his room in the dark before putting him down, as he finds it hard to switch off amidst the chaos of downstairs.

DTD is a more laidback character and will also take a bottle, unlike DTS, so she has one at bedtime. She goes down at about 7.30pm usually, either by falling asleep in her bouncy chair or being put to bed awake.

Daytimes vary but I do 3 school runs a day so that gives some structure. DTD definitely needs more sleep than DTS, but the flip side is that by evening he can be overtired and goes a bit crazy.

I guess I'm trying to say:

In 99% of cases a bedtime routine will evolve without much effort from you -it just happens as they get a bit bigger, and also,

that you may find that your twins are very different - mine are. What suits one might not suit the other. Be prepared to be flexible on this. Try not to compare them too much.

DTS is very similar to DS2. DS2 was a huge shock to the system as DS1 was very easy. I spent hours trying to settle him in his cot. He hated it, I hated it and it was miserable for both of us. When I finally gave up and took him into bed with me, it was so much nicer for both of us. By about 3 months though, he went into his cot very easily, and I wished I hadn't battled so much when he was tiny - he clearly just wasn't ready for it then.

Fast forward to DTS and he's so similar. Yet the experience I've had with him has been so much nicer as we've just gone with the flow. For the first few weeks he was attached to me or swaddled super tightly. He came into bed with me if he wouldn't easily settle back into his cot at night, which was most nights. Now though, he sleeps on his own very happily and as long as he's not overtired he's a happy little chap. I think of him as a much easier baby than DS2, but in reality he's not that different. I think I just handled it better and changed my expectations.

Life with twins is hectic, so go easy on yourself. A routine WILL evolve when they're ready, despite what some of the books imply, but trying to push them into something they don't want to do will make everyone miserable.

Some aids to help the babies self settle are so worth it too, as you can't see to them both at once. Swaddling has been a godsend for DTS. DTD loves her dummy and swing chair. If anyone is allowed to 'cheat', it's us twin mums!

Enjoy them. The tough sleepless part is not for ever.

Oh, and don't get too hung up on the whole' XXlbs means they can sleep though' thing.

DTD was an angel and slept 12 hrs from 6 wks, and was only 9lb-odd at that stage. DTS who is 2 1/2 lbs bigger, has never slept through let. DTD slept through really well from 8-12 wks, but it's now gone out of the window nad she's up every 3-4 hrs round the clock - joy! Her weight has nothing to do with it!

HTH and sorry for the essay

Sorry, DTD slept through from 8 wks, not 6 - not that it matters really!

Thank you Starshaker and Jojay... The essay is good! A lot of food for thought there. I have instinctively stopped forcing the set times and also realised that I can't get both girls to do things simultaneously. Twin 1 is dropping off much later at night but does longer stretches of sleep whereas Twin 2 is being a complete angel and going to bed straight after bath and boob at 7, in her cot, happy as larry. But then wakes a lot more often. So I need to stop trying to treat them as a little unit. Twin 1 won't take a dummy though, despite hating boob and loving bottle, so she is not good at self soothing. Twin 2 loves boob. But also loves dummy, which makes her a LOT easier to look after! I was also very interested in how much formula your babies were having, Starshaker. This needs a whole new thread as they weighed less than mine do now but were having 2 ounces more than I am giving. I've been so worried about overfeeding formula because I am mixed feeding. I should ask my health visitor I suppose but she wasn't very switched on or helpful in the initial home visits so I haven't seen her since.

I havent read the other responses as juggling twins an breakfast

I didn't aim for a routine at all, but an evening routine found us from about 4 months. They would start to get grizzly at about 6pm, so I'd do clean nappies and into sleep suits about then. Then they would have a breast feed (only specifying bf because I don't know how whether full/half feed etc) and then I'd stick the cbeebies bedtime hour on for a bit of soothing quiet time while I had a cup of tea. When they started to look really sleepy, I'd feed to sleep one at a time on my bed. This became a fab routine that we all understood, and worked until about 8 months, when the feeding to sleep stopped working.

For what it's worth, I've always found bathing them to be hard work and stressful, and I think it wakes them up. So I do it in the day or late afternoon - it's certainly never been part of a bedtime routine because it is not relaxing for anyone!

Just keep going. It seems a bit endless when you're in it, but between 4 and 8 months it does keep changing and getting a bit more predictable, even without you trying to implant a routine.

My two are nearly 14 months now.

Our ID girls are 12 wks old, and as yet we don't really have a routine, but I think will try and establish one a bit more after Christmas. As far as dummies go, I find them a lifeline to settle them and stop them crying for a few minutes! Have you tried any different makes of dummy for twin 1? I find ours don't like the tommy tippees ones (which are supposed to be more recommended for bfing), but do like the avent ones. So many different makes/shapes it may be worth a go! Overall, I agree with everyone else, it's more about having a schedule rather than fixed timings. :)

Good call. I have tried nuk and avent classic and orthodontic dummies but I'll get some more in and see. Not quite sure what others there are so I'll have to do some research.

Hi there. Our twin girls started a bed time routine at around 12 weeks adjusted. It was a godsend! I always aimed for 7 although depending on the day it could be anytime from 6.30 if they were especially tired to 7.30 if they were really fighting sleep. My routine was about the same as for the naps. Swaddled dummy bit of cuddling and singing and jiggling until they looked sleepy. Then down in the bed on the support cushion things and a little lovey toy near their face to make it all more cosy. My one twin didn't like the dummy and we persisted for months until now she is a fan and it makes a huge difference for us. Really worth it. Hope it's gone well for you!