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Multiple births

When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

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Original poster

Feeling miserable

8 replies

Amberc · 05/12/2011 20:53

I just need a good rant. Twins aged 11 months plus a 3.5 year old boy. I haven't slept more than 5 hours since they were born and average 4 in every 24. The girls take it in turns to wake up so I am desperately tired all the time. I have a nanny in the week to help me but she ends up looking after the twins while I look after my son and try to get a bit of rest here and there. I am in a perpetual groundhog day and hardly manage to do anything more interesting than go to sainsburys. It was my birthday over the weekend and I was so tired I could hardly finish my main course. I feel like I have no joy in my life and merely exist to bring up the children. I don't get any joy from them cos I'm too tired to enjoy anything. DP gets annoyed that he has to miss things once in a while but what he doesn't realise is that I never even have anything to miss. My facebook statuses are just one moan after another about how tired I am. I know at some point it'll be better but for now it's bloody awful.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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ThatsNotSantasBabyBelly · 05/12/2011 20:55

Can you ask the nanny to take the 3 dc's out? And have a sleep?

DH should be doing some of the night wakenings when he is off work (says me whose dh never does). Takes naps as and when you can.

Your ds will be getting 15 free hours now won't he, so can you not utilise that?

londonmum123 · 05/12/2011 21:09

Oh you poor soul. The sleep deprivation is torture and I completely sympathise.

Get your nanny to look after all three children for 1-2 hours a day while you have a sleep. This is what you pay her for. Don't feel guilty that you are not spending time 24/7 with your children - I think they will cope with 22/7.

Once you start to get more sleep I'm sure you'll start enjoying your children more. It's a horrible feeling and I'm sure everyone reading your post has been through it.

Do you try and get out every day? Even if it's just round the block? If I spend a day in the house then I'm miserable as sin in the evening.

Sounds like we have similar DPs! Can you try and arrange a day, say once a month, where you have the day off to do whatever you want (seeing friends and being you again) and he does the similar?

Oneminute · 05/12/2011 23:12

I don't think this is much help but I know just how you feel. I have young triplets and a three year old and could have written your post almost word for word. I know it's not funny but I did smile when I read the bit about Sainsbury's. At the moment a trip to Sainsbury's is the closest thing I get to an evening out! It will get better for both of us- londonmum is right, as soon as you get more sleep, everything gets more enjoyable.

Original poster

Amberc · 06/12/2011 05:38

Thanks everyone, the nanny can look after them so I get some sleep and my 3.5 year old does do pre school but it's more the fact that when I do get some time I have to spend it sleeping rather than being me. Londonmum, I have until 3pm on Mondays and Tuesdays but it's the tiredness which stops me from doing anything. I don't think I'd know what to do with myself! I'm feeling a bit better this morning (lying here listening to twin 2 coughing) and was going through a black day yesterday. It's good to know someones been through it too.

OP posts:

chutneypig · 06/12/2011 07:15

Is there something small that you enjoy doing? A little bit of craft, reading a magazine, even a bit of exercise, I'm trying to think of something that doesn't take long (even 10 minutes), probably do from home, won't stress you if it doesn't get done (we all have days that doesn't happen) but might just break the groundhog day feeling. Nearby coffee shop? I found at that stage that anything big just made me feel more stressed and pressured.

I found that stage the absolute hardest with my twins, and I didn't have an older DC, but found a constant improvement from 12 months.

Oneminute · 06/12/2011 07:24

Amberc, I hope that I didn't sound flippant. I didn't mean to. It is so hard. I struggle to think of things that I would like to do when I do get a bit of time to myself because I am so exhausted. I am so used to being madly busy that I don't really know what to do when I stop and it makes me miserable too. I just hold on to the fact that it will get better. I am heartened by chutney's word's about a constant improvement from 12 months. That is good to hear. I am glad that you are feeling a bit better today.

londonlottie · 06/12/2011 10:39

Amber, it sounds as though sleep is the main issue here. Or rather, lack of it! If it were me this is the main thing I would be tackling - everything seems more manageable on a good night's sleep, and by 11.5 months your two should be capable of giving you more than 5 hours sleep per night.

What is the issue with their night waking? Are you giving them milk, do they seem hungry? Are you following a routine and do you think it's worth looking at that routine to see if tweaking it could help? I'm not surprised you're shattered, and even with a nanny I'd feel the same - it's next to impossible to rest even with someone else looking after the children, I find. Could you think about getting a sleep consultant in to advise if there are ways the girls' sleep could be improved? If you're not bf'ing them at night could you have the odd night 'off' from getting up for them so you can get a good night's sleep occasionally, until their sleep gets sorted?

In the interim, make some short appointments to do things which are about YOU, to help you feel better. Having a massage, your nails done, whatever - get the nanny to look after all three so you can at least feel a bit physically pampered. You WILL get 'you' back. It took me at least a year to feel physically 'normal' after having carried twins, feeding them, etc. But the lack of sleep for this amount of time is a killer - it would be my top priority to get that sorted. Big hug.x

benjalamummy · 06/12/2011 20:54

Hello Amberc...my two have just turned one, and I can really sympathise. We never seem to have an unbroken night, but sometimes when they are teething or sick we have a spell of really bad nights. Being tired just makes doing anything seem like a huge event and you just don't have the energy for it. I have found this website quite helpful www.babysleepsite.com . I have subscribed but haven't used the personal sleep consultation yet ... although considering it for DTS. I totally agree with londonlottie that getting the sleep sorted is the first step. Plus I would try to get a bit more help in the night from DP, if he isn't helping much already. Having to get up and go to work the next day is no excuse really, as staying at home looking after you children is not exactly the easier option is it?

I hope you are feeling a bit better just for having a rant!! If it's any help I had a right old blub this morning just because I was so shattered, and I dropped th babies porridge on the floor and it was one more thing to do!!! Am feeling better now.....hugs to you.

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