Smoragsboard of questions 3month olds

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I have 13 week old girls and a dd of 3.5. I have a couple of things i was wondering about.

Are they identical?
m.flickr.com/#/photos/pedropatron/6285460887/
We struggled to tell them apart for the first few weeks but now they look quite different. I think the deciding factor is the slightly different Skin colour. Identicals have to have same colouring no?

Has anyone used the no cry nap/sleep method? It seems like gina fording is more popular. I can't do controlled crying although I would try if I absolutely had to. I also have a problem with a fixed routine. We currently have a fixed bedtime 7pm and more or less fixed wake up time 5.30 6am. Their first nap is quite consistent. 45min at 7am. Then their schedules go all over the place. What floors me is I can't easily extend a catnap of 45min to the desirable 1h30. And then usually sometime in the day one or other of them will have a meganap of 2+ hours. I think they are more or less getting enough sleep day and night but it is at the cost of me doing nothing else. How can I get them to be more regular?? At 3 months things should be settling into more of a routine. Also everything is harder with twins. Getting them to sleep and stay asleep when one cries and wakes the other. And when you are shushing one and the other one startles and cries and you are juggling them like a pro in the Moscow state circus. Should I separate them and run from one room to another if they cry? How long is the longest advisable nap? I have been waking them after 3 hours with the idea that otherwise They will be eating away the nighttime sleep. Should I wake them earlier to keep a more regular shedule something I would hate to do as it's hard hard work getting them to sleep enough during the day with 4 naps each. But my biggest question is if anyone has had success extending the catnaps from 45min because this is what most screws up the schedule and I get most frustrated not only having just put them to sleepbut now having to try keep them asleep. It's so much work. And i fail most of the time to get them to sleep again. Anything is Better than having exhausted fractious babies though.

Another thing, I still have quite a tummy. It's not as much of a deflated sack as it was i am hoping pilates will help. But the skin on it is not pretty. Wrinkly like my grannies neck and with lots of stretch marks. Sorry for gruesome detail. Does this get better without surgery :) ? Hope so.

I am also thinking of introducing a bottle of formula to give me some time off. This might help with their routine too. Any suggestions for what feed to switch from bf to formula for maximum benefit and minimum disruption of milksupply.

Have enjoyed all your postings. Thanks for your attention. It's been hard hard work these last few months and your community has eased the anxiety.

Yesterday they looked at each other and smiled and laughed at each other for the first time. There is light at the end of the tunnel

Hi, I'm in a similar situation to you - ID twin girls 10 wks old, and DD1 2 yes old. I've looked at your photo, and they do look quite different, but I've read that even identical twins aren't always identical looks wise (just gene wise). Our girls definitely are identical - shared a placenta and amniotic sac, but were quite different sizes when they were born, and still look quite different although they are becoming more similar. I presume yours had separate placentas and sacs, so they couldn't tell you if identical or not. The only way to tell for sure is to wait and see how they look as they get older, or have a genetic/DNA test done - not sure how you go about this? Also, are there twins in your family? Non-identical twins are hereditary, ID twins aren't, which may give you a better idea?

As for a routine - I can't really help much! I'm bfing on demand, and they tend to feed every 3-4 hrs at the moment (are going up to 6 hrs some nights). They tend to have lots of naps during the day (from 30 mins - 3 hrs approx, no pattern) in their bouncers or downstairs cot (or car seats if we are out), but I haven't started a "proper" daytime sleep yet. At night i put them to bed about 9.30, and sometimes it can take up to 2 hrs to settle them down! Once one settles, the other seems to wake! They don't seem to disturb each other yet, and they still share the same cot. Do yours share a cot? If so, is it worth putting them in separate cord first, before you try separate rooms (less running around!). I find having 2 definitely takes up more time. I run a business from home with DH, and found with DD1 I could still get quite a lot if work done while she slept, with our twins I can't! It seems by the time I have fed them, played/settled them, sat down for 5 mins, that it is time to start again! And that is with DD1 in nursery 3 days a week!! Were yours prem? If so, I think it can take longer to get them in a routine?

I'm not sure which feed to replace with formula, as I think taking any feed out will reduce your supply. Maybe replace the bedtime feed do you know how much they are getting? I find the hardest thing with bfing is knowing they have had enough (but do find it easier than having to sterilise bottles each time!!)

Tummy wise, mine is a bit "goosey" looking too! It had to stretch more for 2, and second time around has less elasticity I think, so I'm sure it will return to normal, it may just take longer. We may have to leave it a while before we can wear a bikini again!!

I hope things start to feel easier for you. My girls have just started smiling, which melts my heart every time! As you say, there is light at the end if the tunnel!! :)

Hi Weddinggirl
Lovely to hear your experiences. I have heard it's rare to share a sac! Ours had nothing to swing the Id non id question either way. So yes it's either wait and see or DNA testing. I was hoping the different colouring could clear it up but it's too subtle for me to be sure. It doesn't really matter though. I tend to non Id though.

Our routines are pretty similar or the lack of them :). Mine just go down earlier for the night which means I get half an hour to do storoes with dd1 and then an hour or so of peace but then I have to go to bed because I will be waking up so early. I find that if the twins are not overtired it's easy peasy to sleep them. It's pretty difficult to get to the end of the day with them not getting overtired though. Ours are co sleeping at the moment so they share the bed. It makes sleeping them after a night feed very quick. But it's quite squashed in the bed! I am going to try a baby hammock to see if they will sleep well in that. It works for naps. Absolutely agree about getting nothing else done. It's hard to even get time for eating and showering. Luckily I have lots of family support at the moment but in January will have to go solo with my dh helping after hours and dreading it.

I struggled for weeks to feel confident about bf and whether they were getting enough. Luckily the girls are growing well. In fact they are two little fatties. I know combined formula bf is tricky but I think it will be worth it.

Isn't it the most amazing thing when they smile at you? And it starts just when you are getting really fed up.

All the best

I'd just chill about routines. If you get them feeding together roughly then they tend to sleep together mostly too. I breastfed mine and had days when it all went swimmingly and others where routine just went completely out the window and I got stressed. In retrospect, I should've just got on with it because more often than not the next day was ok again!

Let them sleep as long as they want to. Waking a sleeping baby is usually horrnedous! But don't let it stop you doing things. Put them to sleep in the buggy if you know you're going to go out, then you don't need to wake them to go. Babies often don't sleep more than 45 mins until they start moving around and tiring themselves out more.

If you want to add a bottle of formula then as long as you do it the same every day then milk supply will adjust. However, it won't make them sleep better! And it won't change your life that much! How about expressing?

Before you decide for sure though read this about The Virgin Gut www.breastfeed.com/pumping-bottle-feeding/bottle/risks-of-formula-feeding
It explains about what formula does to the gut of the baby.

If you want to avoid this you could express in the morning and give it to Daddy to feed them at say 11pm, but you must go to bed early to get the benefit!

As for the tummy, keep breastfeeding and the weight will just drop off! You need 1000 extra calories a day to feed two babies. It is impossible to eat that much no matter how many cakes you have! :-) However, the skin is never quite the same again!

I have 14wo dtds and 3.5yo dd - having experienced mastitis and thrush I introduced a bottle for one feed a day (couldn't express enough for both twins so mixed bm with f to start with). Now they are hungry an hour after a feed and just not satisfied so I'm weaning them off breast and onto bottles. It's for them and for my sanity.

I read the link above which seems designed to make mums like me feel even more guilty about ff - I hate this kind of thing. I beat myself up enough about failing at breast feeding when I was so good at it with dd1. But then I reminded myself that I was ff and my brother was ebf - guess which of us has the allergies... my brother.

Do what feels right for you - and yes I too still have a tummy! Sounds like you're doing a great job.

Hi kathryn
Thanks for tour advine re routines And not stressing. Its very easy to get obsessed. I my problem is I want the easy of the no cry sleep anytime approach with the convinience of the strict routine approach. Typical have it all thinking. I will try feed them together more often see if that helps.
I have completely stopped doing things because they dont sleep hardly at all in their buggy. With my first I could pop her in the sling. And go anywhere anytime. With these two it just is no fun when they are both overtired and crying. Ah well maybe they will get used to theirbuggy.

The virgin gut article was quite sobering. Before I was thinking really what harm can a bottle or two so. I am tempted to not introduce formula now. The brwadtfeeding is going so well. I hate expressing. I wonder what percentage of twin mums breastfeed exclusively till 3 and 6 months. It's pretty full on.

The weightloss seems to have stopped because I am eating sooooo much. :) bring on the ice cream and melted mara bars. There has to be some benefits for me

All the best

I agree with Princess about that article. Things like that are designed to make a very vulnerable feeling mother feel even worse about herself than she already may do (and more guilty that you're not doing the best for your babies)! A friend of mine recently was struggling with bfing so much, but felt she would be a failure if she resorted to bottles, and ended up "finger" feeding her DD (a tube attached to her finger, so the baby sucks on her finger instead of a bottle teat), the result was the baby failed to thrive and lost alot of weight, and the mum got very depressed. Then she is told to feed the baby with full fat cream to put on weight!!

I am bfing just because I am lucky enough to find it fairly easy, but I know I'm in the minority. If I was having any problems I wouldn't think twice about ffing, and did so when we were still in hospital and I wasn't producing enough milk. My sister exclusively bf both her sons, and they both are allergic to everything, she even had to go dairy/wheat/gluten/soya/egg...... free while bfing because even that affected them! If you have managed to bf for this long, it is fantastic! And they've already had the important colostrum.

I also think I am eating too many cakes - find it is a very good excuse! With DD1 I seem to remember the weight kept dropping, so I think I'm endulging too much (enjoy it while you can!)

Sorry for long break. A lot has happened since my last post. Holidays grandparents etc. I have at last got back to real life. Flying solo for the first time with my gorgeous three dds. It's been a bit of heaven and a lot of hell. I think I am getting the hang of it even though exhaustion looms. This is hard especially when all three scream in chorus. But it's not all bad. I think I have found a schedule that works brilliantly for us. I have read the baby whisperer and she starts a four hourly routine at 4 months. My twins are now four and a half months and I think their three hourly routine meant they weren't getting long enough naps and so it would be a daily rollercoaster with the babas getting more and more tired despite their four naps because they were all short catnaps. So here is our new ideal day

7am wake feed
9 sleep
11 wake feed
1 in buggy pick up sister babies sleep
3 wake feed
5 catnap
5.45 bath story feed
7 bedtime

Still earlydays with routine but it's starting to work. Extending their awake time from 1.5h, even though they were tired, to 2 h seems have been key.

I am still breastfeeding because I am lucky and it's going ok. The twins are very distractible now and so often the daily feeds are not very good with them bobbing on and off the boob all the time. So I am never sure they have had enough to last the four hours so I regularly offer them top ups. Weddinggirl and princess scrummy had a good point anoint not being guilted into bf but it's just been working for me. But now in two weeks, at 5 month, I will star with an 11am bottle because ....

We have found a nanny!! So I can return to work at six months. This is purely for my sanity as my entire salary will go to paying her. The good thing is I will work 5 hours a day so I will still have time with the kids. And I will have support with twins and help with laundry cooking tidying.

I am so looking forward to getting a bit of time for myself when they take some bottles but I am also really proud to have got so far with just my boobs.

All the best