older mums

[sarah46]

Reading the last few posts it occured to me that im really an older mum!never have it a thought but today i had my birthday and had to get some-one in to look after my triplets while i took my grandson to school,my parents were older too,my dad is nearly 85 and still takes my youngest daughter (after the triplets)to theatre,meals out (macdonalds),outings to the seaside and has booked to take her to the pantomime this january coming,he lives in sheltered housing now but goes to all the outings they organise,even to a nightclub that are available and takes my daughter if she wants,i think he does this more because hes older and has the time for her and also to prove hes still able!my kids will always have each other as they are blessed to be three,if i had 1 i would have tried for another,i may not be as young and have children the age of having children themselves but i have alot to offer now and still feel able to parent young children,I know theres lots who disagree,and feel older parents are at a disadvantage even feel were selfish to think of having babies,I probally would have said the same as them 20 years ago!but what i`ve lost with time(speed etc),time has given me advantages as well(patience in abundance)!
just my thoughts ,whats yours?

Hi Sarah,
I am not sure to be very honest whether I agree or disagree about being an older Mum. First of all it depends on circumstances, perhaps a second marriage, or in our case the loss of our only child. I am sure that had Matthew not died I would never have attempted ivf to try for more children, we were happy as we were, although we had tried for years to have another child. I perhaps am selfish, there are so many times when I am so exhausted with my three that I just cry, but then I am mostly crying for the life I should be leading, Matthew grown up, perhaps even married by now, Harry and I having weekends away whenever we want, exotic holidays, money in our pockets, etc. Now I know these things are not whats important in life and I can cope with not having them, but its the constant stress that we live with which gets me down. The children are miracles, special, lovely and I would not want to be without them, but oh to have some help, someone to occasionally say we`ll have them for a day, just to have time on our own. I wonder how they will feel as they grow up and realize that their parents are so much older than their friends, will that affect them? I just hope that they will always know that we love them, wanted them and that we can be here for them until they have independant lives of their own. I am rambling, does this make any sense? Must go Sarah, two boys up to no good and Rebecca in the bath! Much love,
Anne xxxx

Well I have already had a bit of a discussion with Triplets on this in another thread, as the ahem child of older parents (40 and 50 when I was born.)

I had my twin ds' at age 31 and feel that was a good age as any younger and I would have missed out on being, well, me and regret not doing things when I was young. There are two sides but I think that older mums get bad press because of the career women who leave it to the last minute but expect to have a baby because that is the last on the list of their "things to do."

One of the women I shared my room with after my emergency c-section was 43 and had her first at 41. She was worried until she met my mum and had a good long chat. At 71 and 82 my parents are kept young at heart by their grandsons. They feel that they lived a life before settling down rather than after the bird (me!) flew the nest - I was an unexpected surprise!

Hope this jumbled mess of thoughts makes sense!

I think any mother of triplets would feel as you do, Triplets, no matter what your age. There are young mothers of single babies on this site close to despair all the time. It's a hard job. Multiply it by three and it is the hardest job imaginable. The only thing I can say, is that they will get older and more independent and then you will have much more time to yourself and be less tired. I am sorry you don't have more help. You really deserve a break. And of course, the loss of a child is such a major disaster that it must overshadow your life to some degree. Before long the children will have sleepovers with friends and parties and you will have a little time back.

hi all especially triplets,
when i started this thread i wondered what response id get,at home here ive had a varied response,from shock to delight,also because i have a grandson who lives with me 4-5 days a week while his mum studies,she also stays here but because she has to travel to her course she leaves at around 6.30 am so i do the school run,with triplets in tow,and the pick up,its b*** hard work but i feel i owe my daughter,well i have to help as best i can,its only for a year or two,i have a friend who had her first baby at 42,she is so blessed,i also have a friend at church who had her first at 44 and second at 50,not planned but really wanted as married for years 4b they arrived,i have to be honest i`m not that young and my oldest is 25,i discussed it with her first believe it or not and she was all for it,my circumstances, well reasons are personal but i believe they justified me trying for a baby,and how blessed was i? 3 not 1 i must have done something good in my life eh?thats how i feel anyway!and triplets u are so blessed!!mind u its put us on the bread line,he he he,but i get lots of clothes given passed on to me and i grateful,sometimes i get too much of something and i bag it up and pass it on myself along with all thats grown out of,but my babies want for nothing especially love,