twin toddlers: how on earth do you referee?

[MamaChocoholic]

my dts are only 13mo, but always want whatever the other has, even if that's me. dt2 in particular is quite physical about it, hauling dt1 off, or hitting/swiping at her. they also copy each other. when one does something naughty (eg climbing on the TV), the other is there right away doing the same. so stuff that worked with ds1, eg taking him away each time, distraction etc is impossible because while I'm running back to drag the second away, the first gets back there.

are there any tips on how to manage destructive inquisitive twin toddlers without going crazy?

Hello, I have 2YO triplets if I can be any help!
In regards to the toys, we have 1 rule - if they fight over a toy, the toy is taken away from all 3 of them.
I know exactly what you mean about having to copy each other - it drives me crazy! They will be being really well behaved, then one decides to start hitting TV with a big hard toy - the other 2 join in and becomes a brilliant game for them..
On their own they wouldnt ever do anything like that - but once one does something, its like the others have to do it to! In this situation, all 3 go into time out (in completely different places or this turns into a super fun game too!)
It even happens to me in public - walking somewhere and one decides to make a run for it (knowing other 2 will follow!)... and I'm off on a wild goose chase... Its like they cant help themselves! ha ha!
HTH

Kate, any advice from a mum who has survived two years of triplets is very welcome. I am in awe of you.

at what age did you start time outs? I was reluctant to do taking the toy away, because that would mean dt1 picking something to play with, dt2 trying to take it away, and repeat. so dt1 would never get to play with anything she picked. instead I'm trying to say no to dt2, take him away and try and interest him in something else. on the occasions dt1 is after dt2's toy, this works really well. but dt2 is somewhat more persistent.

we have a cage playpen and I think I'm going to have to be more consistent using it when the double telly assaults start. I'm sure 13mo wasn't such an exhausting age with ds1.

Hahaha thanks!
I see what you mean about the toys - with mine, because there are 3 they just fight between the 3 of them. Snatching gets a time out for mine - maybe instead of a time out, you could put DT2 in the cage (lol) for a bit to show her that she doesn't snatch. Maybe being taken away from DT1 will shock her and annoy her a bit because she physically cant get the toy off DT1.

Im only suggesting the playpen as Im not sure if, at 13mo, your DT's will sit for a minute in time out and I think that the playpen technique would be more simple for them. DT2 can still have toys in the playpen, but she is being taken away (swiftly) with a firm 'No, you don't snatch.' as soon she she takes the toy.

Is there any way you can use your playpen as a room divider? I used to put 2 together and cut our living room in half. I would sit in larger end with most of the toys, sofa telly etc - if mine were silly with the telly or snatching (when younger) they would be put over the other side for a few minutes. They didnt like being away from me or their sisters - they still had some toys but they weren't 'in the action' which is what annoyed them the most.
All ages are more exhausting when you have more than 1! Its just double/triple everything!
Its the times when you get double/triple the hugs and kisses that kind of make up for it!

We have a similar problem MamaChocoholic. Ds1 wants whatever ds2 has.... & yup, that includes me or toys. They always have to be nice to one another & share me (lol) but with toys we have taken the approach that whoever had it first gets to keep it so we will take things off ds1 and give them back to ds2 (who has often lost interest by then, but hey ho). Now they're 19months they know they can't just take things and have to wait til the other has finished with it. Not saying that's what actually happens, but you can definitely tell they understand....

As for copying one another's naughty behaviour - ours def found the attention they got / watching me running between them very rewarding so did it even more. Our problem area was them pulling at the gas fire / hitting the metal bit of it. We never use it so it wasn't actually as unsafe a behaviour as it could have been (in our house, but obv want them to understand it's not acceptable or safe) so I was able to (apparently...) ignore one trying to get my attention while doing something interesting with the other, complete with overenthusiasm to get the attention of the other.