Did you go back to work after having twins?

[lalola]

Hi all

My twins are currently 5 months old, and I am in a complete dilemma about this. Childcare for two babies is just so expensive that it would not have been an option for me, but my inlaws have offered to have the twins 3 days a week, if my work let me go back part time.

Technically we could cope with me staying at home, but we would be on what I think sounds like a pretty tight budget, also not accounting for some small debts we would have to try and pay off (we would try and do before now I am due to go back, as we are actually better off now than we would be when I go back to work due to maternity allowance and higher tax credits)

I think my main concerns are:

Missing them and being exhausted (although work would probably be a break!)

Money! Technically we wouldn't be loads better off but the extra money would be very useful

Whether my inlaws would cope: they are fantastic grandparents and have practically insisted that they will having them so I can go back to work. However, their other grandchild will sometimes be there when my twins are- I fear they have underestimated how hard it is going to be! They are great though and have said they would love to have them, but I do worry.

I just wondered how many people on here with twins went back to work after having them? Or if you are currently pregnant, do you plan to go back? Any experiences/thoughts would be really useful, thank you!

Just to add, work have said there should hopefully not be a problem with going back for 3 days, but I am waiting to hear. If they didn't let me and I decided to go back to work, I would have to try and find something else

Hi

My twins are now 11 months, and I am on my back from a one-off day in the office before I return to work when my year of maternity leave is up. I can say that I have enjoyed each of the approx 5 one-off days I've done while on leave - the commute is bliss - 2 hours with no one pawing or demanding

I am technically returning full time. I say technically, because I will actually only be working 3 or 4 days each week for the first few months as I have so much annual leave accrued (remember that you accrue annual leave and bank holidays while you're off). I will then reassess and decide whether full time is possible/right for my family.

My twins are going to spend two/three days with my mum, one/two days with me, and one/two days in a nursery. Now they are one, I can see that they'll cope with the nursery I've chosen, and my mum knows the babies very well and will care for them at my house. So I am 100% confident in my childcare.

So, I don't know whether it is possible, but I think it's worth trying! I think I will be so much happier with a few days in each life - I find caring for my beautiful babies a little relentless at times. If it doesn't work out, I'll try and change it a bit until I find something that works.

My advice would be to keep your options open. You won't loose anything by trying it out for a while, and if it doesn't work for you, your inlaws, your babies or your finances, change it

I havent ever gone back to work but they would have to go in full time childcare - as well as my older one (15 months older) so financially it would have been daft, also im trained in pub work and the hours would have been ridiculous as my partner works shifts too.

We always said when they go to nursery at 3 I will go get a small part time job around nursery hours - which was looking fab as the girls are now 3 and eldest is 4 and ive now had another lot of twins so wont be working for another at least 3 years!!!!

I would look into work but no family to help out and quite frankly I enjoy staying at home with them and im getting no pressure from the partner to get a job which is good.

If your worried about the grandparents coping then why dont you do a trial??? say every day they would have them iff you worked then for the next month they have them as a trial and see how they feel.

I went back to work just two mornings a week from 6 months to 18 months and then three days a week from 18 months to 3 1/2 Then 4 days a week when they started nursery. the two mornings a week was a rest and my husband looked after them. Then we got 2 days childcare and my huband looked after them 1 day when I did 3 days. I found this more like 'work'! Then when 4 days, it was definitely work!! (I am a peripatetic music teacher hence I can work as much as I like, very lucky!)

Then when the twins had started school I had DS3. I went back to work 3 days a week at 6 mths and it nearly killed me! Now working 4 days a week at 18 mths but it's a day too many in my opinion. He is at childminder 3 days and Daddy has him 1 day

I went back part-time when they were 1 (they are now 3.5). I do 3 days a week plus one weekend per month. The kids go to a wonderful little nursery which they love. Tax credits help with the childcare costs as we are low earners. Work has been fairly accommodating and have moved into a new team which works better as a part-timer. DH has them when I work weekends which means he gets to spend time with them (he works 6 days a week, self-employed). So it's all worked out rather well!

I too went back when my girls were one, was previously full time but went back two full days a week, so 16hrs in all. I was fortunate that my mother in law offered to have the girls so didnt have to worry about cost. I would say on balance, its been a positive thing mainly; I love being out and about for two days a week, the travelling, the social aspect of my workmates, and just generally doing something that isnt motherhood! Love my girls to bits, but I do feel more refreshed after working a day - although tired - and more enthusiastic to be with them. I am much happier as a result, and even though juggling work and other things can be difficult, the money is mine, ive earned it and its my independance. I sympathise with worrying about how your inlaws will cope; i worried too, and still do even though they are now 3 and half. I dont particularly like being reliant on someone else so much, even though my mum in law is great with them, it does feel like as she minds them so much for us, we cant ever do anything socially as have lost a 'social life babysitter'!! Are you able to condense your hours to 2 days a week? Can you give it a trial as suggested above? Its difficult to begin with, as you will miss them, but on the whole i think you will benefit. I felt it balanced my week and almost look forward (!) to work sometimes, as I can sit down and drink a cup of tea without interruption!! Good luck, hope it works out:)

ps may be a good idea to find out about soft play groups, mother and baby groups, or similar for your inlaws to take them to, it helps alot to have a bit of a routine for them to help with the entertainment!!

Thanks for all your replies!

I like the idea of having a trial - I had considered this, although as I would be going back in 4 months, the twins would be more mobile than they are now, which would bring new challenges!

The other grandchild who is there some of the day is only 3- I am concerned about this as my in laws will have to watch them like hawks (won't understand that my twins are too young to play with little toys etc)

Am I right to be concerned about this?

I went back full time when mine were 8 months old,I have a great cm,me and dp share the childcare equally,so when I'm off he works and vice versa.
It's hard,it's a juggle,balancing everything and of course I miss them however I could never contemplate giving up work,I think it would send me insane! I love my work and my department is outperforming the business-I am more dividers now than ever,I kind of want to prove a point that I can do my job just as well if nit better than before'
My house however is a complete tip 99% of the time

That should say I am more focussed than before-stupid phone!

I went back to work 3 days a week when my twins were 8 months (back in the day when maternity leave was a bit shorter than it is now). It was a good balance for all of us - twins were at nursery 2.5 days, with me 2 days and with dh 2 days. I was very lucky because work paid women returning from maternity leave a bonus (for retention), which helped with the childcare costs. All went a bit wrong when I had dc3 2 years later though - cost of childcare became too much and the balance had tipped. I ended up as a SAHM for nearly 5 years which I don't regret but wasn't part of the original plan!

I'm not sure about grandparents having your twins for 3 full days though - would they come to your house or would you take the twins to their house? Do you have a long commute on top of your working day? I would worry that gps might become exhausted quite quickly (toddler twins are fairly exhausting I seem to remember) and the arrangement might break down. Could you compromise and ask gcs to have them one or two days instead of three?

Today is my first day back at work and have left 11 month old twin boys and a 2 year old at home. Not alone, but with a nanny. Financially a much cheaper option for us than a nursery and it also takes the pressure off getting everyone ready and out in the morning , as well as getting out of work for pick ups.

I would have the same reservations as sinking about leaving my 3 with GPs as the previous poster as although my mum helps us A LOT, I do think 3 LOs would be exhausting for her.

Your parents sound lovely though. Perhaps they could do it on a trial basis and see how they get on? Have a frank chat with them so they can back out if they wish?

Hope you get your 3 days. Its a good balance that, IMO.

My husband has spoken to them several times and they have insisted they want them and it will be fine, but I am worried about them, especially as they still work some days! When I have voiced this to my MIL she just insists on wanting them- they seriously adore their grandchildren and say they would be bored not having them (they have always looked after their other grandchildren and were dreading the 3 year old going to nursery until mine came along)

I originally thought it would just be my two (which would be tiring enough) but now I know there will be 3 little ones for some of the day it just seems too much really, and I'm worried about having to really watch my little ones with an older child who is not used to this.

I don't have a long commute, so would be dropping them off around 8am and picking up hopefully before 4pm. The twins cousin would be there for around 3 or 4 hours of this.

Sorry if I'm rambling or don't make sense, I'm very tired today, serious lack of sleep at the moment!! Feel like a zombie

Thanks again for your replies

I went back 4 days a week when mine were 9 months.
My MIL offered to have them on all the days I was working, which I considered but decided against it mainly because I thought it would be too much for her. Just as well as they went to Oz for 2 months just after I went back. Have you thought about what you will do if they are off sick or go on holiday?

In the end they did 2 days in nursery and 1 day each with my mum and MIL. It worked out really well, mine have a fab relationship with their GPs.

I went back to work when my twins were 15 months - I went back 3 days a week and my Mum offered to have them for those 3 days for a finite length of time (until they were 2 - so about 9 months). I didn't want them to go to nursery (they were still catching up from being premature) and she was willing to help. It was an absolute godsend as she would come to the house (so the twins could still be in their PJs, she would still a load of washing in during the day, didn't matter if we were occasionally a bit late etc). She also did more or less exactly what I'd done with them - twins group, music classes, kept to their routine etc which made the transition for them much easier.

BUT - by the end of the 9 months, she'd had enough of that level of care. 2 x almost 2 year olds (and you'd be throwing an older child into the mix) for 3 long days at 60+ years of age is TOUGH. Like others have said, you're asking them in lots of ways to put their lives on hold, plan holidays only when it suits you etc.

I think you probably need to have some kind of plan for when they're a little bit older - think mine were definitely ready for nursery (to mix with other children etc) at 2 so is this something you could potentially afford in the long term?

I went back full time when my two were 8 months. We have a nanny for three days a week and both me and hubbie do full time hours in a condensed four day week. This does mean I am in work by 730 and dont leave until around 5-530 and sometimes have to work in the evenings but it does mean that I get to have an extra day with the little ones. Like Mandy21 either hubbie or our nanny takes them to the groups they are used to and keeps to them to their routine.
I think like the others have said, it depends on the relationship that you've got with your parents and also how much energy the babies demand. I travel with work and my mum helped hubby for a week while I was overseas and I think she found it very tiring - but then again that was full-time with them for 7 days on the trot!
I agree with sinkingfeeling and smokeybacon - think through the 'what if's?' and have a full and frank discussion with the GPs almost as you would if you were employing a nanny or childminder.
Good luck!

Thanks everyone, you've given me alot to think about!

Just to answer a couple of points:

I would only be working term time so my inlaws would have the school holidays without mine (would still have other grandchild though)

My inlaws haven't had a holiday in years (and not since I've known them!) Although they have the money and time off together, they're just not interested (I have tried to tempt them in the past but to no avail!)

I am veering towards not going back at the moment to be honest- I am currently not in the career I want to be and will be looking to do postgrad within the next 3 years+, so not going back isn't too much of an issue career wise.

I agree completely with it being too much pressure, but I do risk offending them so will have to tread carefully- they refuse to even consider it being too much for them, but I know it would be (how could it not?!)

Just to add I am very impressed and inspired with how well you are all maintaining a home/work balance and making it work- at the moment paid childcare in my area would be more than my actual wage so I don't have that option, but I can hopefully work around that in the future (hopes I'll still have the desire and energy to do something different!)

Thanks again

Ds1 was 3.3 when dts were born and he was in nursery 3 days a week. When they were 12mths I returned to work and for 5mths had all 3 in nursery 3 days a week. All going fine and a lovely balance then ds3 arrived.

Ds1 then 5.1 and in full time school and dts were 21mths and at nursery 3 days a week. But I couldn't get a place for ds3 at nursery when he was 12mths so i and have been a sahm since. Took redundancy last summer.

Ds1 now nearly 8, dts now 4.5 and ds3 is 3 in January and will start preschool then. I hope to get a little job which doesn't involve childcare as dh works shifts and won't earn enough to cover childcare for 4!