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putting twins to sleep - how do i get out of habit of lying down with them

6 replies

sophieR · 01/12/2005 14:10

hi i have dd and ds 14 months , and have really made things difficult for myself. When they were small I used to put them in bouncers for naps and then rocked to sleep at night in the bouncers then put in their cots . situation now is that when they want a daytime nap or go to sleep at night we lie down with them in bed in different rooms and then put them in cot when they are sleep ,if i get up before they are asleep they get up and sit up , any ideas how do i get them to go to sleep on their own ....any help appreciated ..thanks

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FrumpyGrumpy · 01/12/2005 20:30

Sophie honey you're doing your best, its hard enough getting one baby to sleep let alone two and its just that now you'd probably like them to be doing it a little differently.

They are now in a routine or habit of sleeping this way and all you have to do is make them a new routine. The bad thing is they will probably protest like mad at having to learn how to fall asleep the new way, i.e. on their own. However, when they start doing it happily you will give yourself a huge pat on the back. I've been here myself (with dd, she loved falling asleep on my chest to my singing, not even good singing ) and once I broke the pattern I wondered why I didn't do it earlier.

Loads of books on this but simply they need to learn a new bedtime routine, something like - bath, bedtime bottle, story next to cot in dim room, cuddle time, teddy maybe to take to bed, lie down and tuck in (I put on a musical wind up at this point), kisses and leave the room.

They will probably cry like mad at this point because its not what normally happens. You need to wait a bit before going back in saying lovely things like how much you love them and its time for bed now and night night, kiss again and leave again. Leave it longer and longer before going in each time and if they sound like they are quieting down, leave them. You need to keep repeating this until they fall asleep.

When I broke the habit with my dd I was lucky enough to do it when she was young and in a cot. It would be so much harder trying to keep an unhappy child in bed once they are in a big bed. I was also lucky that I had only one night of unhappy crying (about an hour in and out, and no picking up or cuddling, just soft words). I know some kids take much longer.

It wont be easy and will feel like its not worth it BUT IT IS. You'll need to decide whether to teach them both at the same time or one by one, and that will depend on your own situ, i.e. if they have separate rooms etc. Personally I'd go for it all at once, in for a penny in for a pound.

My DTs go to bed really well (after my mistakes with dd), alone and in the dark. They each have a special teddy for bed and have their musical wind up on (just once). Once the door is shut I sometimes hear them chatting to themselves and its a lovely feeling. I can then get on with the serious business of opening the wine .

No matter how much we love them, its generally a relief when they are sleeping happily and we can breathe easy for a bit, best of luck honey and I hope they respond quickly. ITS WORTH IT and ITS NOT CRUEL.

FrumpyGrumpy · 01/12/2005 20:30

Sophie honey you're doing your best, its hard enough getting one baby to sleep let alone two and its just that now you'd probably like them to be doing it a little differently.

They are now in a routine or habit of sleeping this way and all you have to do is make them a new routine. The bad thing is they will probably protest like mad at having to learn how to fall asleep the new way, i.e. on their own. However, when they start doing it happily you will give yourself a huge pat on the back. I've been here myself (with dd, she loved falling asleep on my chest to my singing, not even good singing ) and once I broke the pattern I wondered why I didn't do it earlier.

Loads of books on this but simply they need to learn a new bedtime routine, something like - bath, bedtime bottle, story next to cot in dim room, cuddle time, teddy maybe to take to bed, lie down and tuck in (I put on a musical wind up at this point), kisses and leave the room.

They will probably cry like mad at this point because its not what normally happens. You need to wait a bit before going back in saying lovely things like how much you love them and its time for bed now and night night, kiss again and leave again. Leave it longer and longer before going in each time and if they sound like they are quieting down, leave them. You need to keep repeating this until they fall asleep.

When I broke the habit with my dd I was lucky enough to do it when she was young and in a cot. It would be so much harder trying to keep an unhappy child in bed once they are in a big bed. I was also lucky that I had only one night of unhappy crying (about an hour in and out, and no picking up or cuddling, just soft words). I know some kids take much longer.

It wont be easy and will feel like its not worth it BUT IT IS. You'll need to decide whether to teach them both at the same time or one by one, and that will depend on your own situ, i.e. if they have separate rooms etc. Personally I'd go for it all at once, in for a penny in for a pound.

My DTs go to bed really well (after my mistakes with dd), alone and in the dark. They each have a special teddy for bed and have their musical wind up on (just once). Once the door is shut I sometimes hear them chatting to themselves and its a lovely feeling. I can then get on with the serious business of opening the wine .

No matter how much we love them, its generally a relief when they are sleeping happily and we can breathe easy for a bit, best of luck honey and I hope they respond quickly. ITS WORTH IT and ITS NOT CRUEL.

FrumpyGrumpy · 01/12/2005 20:31

Oooops! When you've got twins there's such temptation to double everything!!!

sophieR · 01/12/2005 22:03

hi frumpygrump thanks for this , will try this out , maybe starting this weekend ...and will let you know how it goes or not

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HaveYourselfAKnottyLittleXmas · 01/12/2005 22:24

sophieR I did similar to FG when DS was 13 months. I used to BF him to sleep, but felt he was old enought to understand about not doing that anymore.

I started with his daytime nap, because I felt I would be stronger during the day than at night. Instead of feeding we snuggled up and read a story, then put him into his cot, turned out teh light, told him it was time to go to sleep, and left the room. He did cry for a little bit the first few times, and I had set a limit of 5 mins after which I would go back in, but each time it was only 2-3 mins.

This then had the knock on effect of meaning I could put him to bed at night awake, and know he would be able to go to sleep OK (he does) , and it stopped his night waking.

Good luck with it, must be all the more daunting with two.

triplets · 01/12/2005 22:30

Hi Sophie,
Grumpy has given you very good advice. Do you know I can hardly remember those days now that my three are almost eight! I honestly can say that they were no trouble for going to bed, we did the bath routine and even at that age I wouls sit and read to them a while, I also then would sit by each ones cot and sing a silly song that I had made up especially for that one, and often by the time I had sung to number three , one and two were asleep! Now its a different story, the two boys share a room and Rebecca is on her own, they go up about 8pm and the two boys are still talking at 10pm! I am sure if they were in separate rooms they would go to sleep quicker. All this is not helping you though!Good luck, it will all work out, just stick to your guns!

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