is it just me????

[pop]

I am starting this thread in the hope of some words of comfort from fellow multiple birth mothers! I have 16 month old identical twin girls and a 3 year old boy and I am finding things sooo hard at the moment. I feel quite isolated at times 'cos i feel like friends just don't understand what it is like. My son goes to nursery and just the act of getting everyone in the car then the buggy then back into the car etc etc leaves me knackered !!!!! Hope this is not me being pathetic! Any others out there feeling the same? I do go to my local twins club which is good but only meets once a month.

Pop I am right there with you! I have (non) identical twin ds' 21 mth(but people are convinced I am lying as they are very alike!)

I do feel isolated as taking out twins is such a hassle by myself. We have family days out with dh. I cannot get to the local twins club as don't have use of the car and it means I also can't get to the jumping jacks or any other activity. And not only that I am paranoid that if I do go the other mothers will feel I am hogging the limelight as my two are, well, confident as twins always are (apparently!)

So I know how you feel. The worse thing is mothers of two who say they know how it is. I say nothing but think it is nothing like having two of the same age. I had a fantastic health visitor who gave me great advice and encouragement right at the start. But that also kind of isolated me as at the baby weigh we would be talking and I would take so much time up the other mothers would get quite huffy.

They are a cliquey bunch around here.

I am so tired I now wake up already tired.

It does get better, honestly! My twin boys are now nearly 5 and dd is 21 months, and the boys are really quite easy now, especially as they enjoy the same sort of things and play well together. I'm trying to remember what we did at that age- I know they went to one fairly quiet toddler group, and a gym club ( which was like a big soft play place ), and also for a while to a small music group.( All of these were within easy walking distance luckily, as I agree that the whole in and out the car thing is exhausting). I did try out quite a few different things which were disastrous ( e.g. tumbletots, which was far too structured and neither boy would co-operate ). Sometimes I would feel that they were missing out as other children that age all seemed to be going off swimming or even just running free on the common, and I couldn't do those things with them on my own, but it doesn't seem to have stunted their development in any way!

Paula71, don't worry about the other Mums. In my experience they are all marvelling at you and wondering how you cope. Pop, you are not being pathetic and it can be totally knackering, especially if you are having broken nights too. Do you manage to get any 'me'time?

i have twins and an older boy and i marvel at how i did anything at all - i used to get them all ready to walk to nursery with a pram built like a tank and at only 5"2 tall i had to jump to get it up kerbs! i remember vividly bursting into tears whent he twins were 4 months old as i was changing two nappies - the thought of 2and a half years of changing nappies was too much to take.
i think i am trying to say i understand the hard job you have.

however they will be a constant wonder and comparison - how one does one thing and the other doesnt - despite them being brought up the same way in the same household - the Nature Versus Nurture argument always playing in my head.
how my three can be so wildly different.

i personally believe that there is not a lot harder in life than having a baby and living with that baby - double it and stick another kid on top for good measure - and at times it can be awful. even the simple things become complicated.

anyway it gets tons better promise.

i had to explain to my son (twin two 10 yrs old)about Nazi Germany which somehow got onto the Taliban and then Iraq - all whilst we were drying the pots!!

mail me anytime [email protected] if ever you want to chat or moan - i wont have the answer but a listening ear

Pop - it is hard with twins and it's very difficult to explain to others quite how hard it is. Plus an older child! I have no doubt you are doing an excellent job - I have twin DDs who are now 2.5 and I just can't imagine having another older one! They are beginning to get a little bit easier - they play well together and disappear up to their bedroom. To hear them giggling and chatting away is delightful. Although it is very hard to appreciate when you are exhausted, it is very special to have two at once and they are very rewarding - try to keep telling yourself this! I am sure you do!

JosieJump - i felt exactly the same. I feel they are missing out because my friends with single children go off swimming and do all sorts of things that are very difficult with two at the same stage. A friend actually talked me into going swimming recently - she has a 2.5 year old DD and she managed to convince me that two adults and three 2.5 year olds would be fine - what a nightmare! I still can't believe one of them didn't drown!

Hi,
This is going to sound awful but I often think twins must be a doddle! Some of you already know me, I am a 51yr old mother of five year old triplets, two boys and a girl! My husband is 62, and we are permanently exhausted and frustrated! I can so remember when they were babies and toddlers feeling so isolated if I was on my own with them, at least you can take two out in a double buggy, try three! The only way was to have two in the buggy and one in a sling, that didn`t last long! Now they are at school life is a little easier, the thing though that drives us crazy is the constant arguing and fighting, all competing for the same thing, its endless. But after losing our first precious son, as exhausting as they are, I could not imagine life without them. I think they are so special, even though I am old enough to have been their grandmother, I am so proud to say they are mine. If only Matthew were here too, he would now be twenty four, and could have babysat so we could have a night out! Take heart and enjoy them, it will get easier!

my DH seems to cope much better than me - we have 8 months id boys and a 2.5 year old. He somehow manages to take them out (to a steam train park last week) with smallest in a front carrier, bigger twin in a back pack and toddler sitting on his shoulders ! God knows how he does it - they are all relatively small for their ages but that still adds up to quite a weight. Usually managed with smallest twin in a backpack and the other two in a twin buggy.

I'd like to echo all your sentiments... I remember the time coming back from grocery shopping (before I got theinternet) and bursting into tears on a neighbour who only asked how I was, she and her young teenage daughter then came round and help me bath the twins and big dd. The swimming is the one I feel most guilty about as you just can't take them on your own. But as soon as big dd could swim at school it made life so much easier. There are big milestones in my life, like when we stopped bottles, and when they could feed themseleves and when they are out of nappies and the freedom of just picking up shoes and coats and walking out of the door (followed by a small wail in the car of I need a wee!!)
Wishing all fellow multiple births mums all the best

Cheating a bit here as I am not a mum of twins but a twin myself. Indeed it is not the same as having two children even close together in age. However one consolation is that when they are a bit older in some respects it will be easier for you than the mums with different age children. Twins love to play together- I remember being shut in a room for hours with my sister and we'd be lost in our own world. I can barely leave my two alone for 2 seconds without an uproar - so enjoy

no its not u,im sitting here wanting to go into town but cant face the fight to get 3 babies ready,into car,out other end,plus 1 very heavy triple buggy,trying to get to market with people stopping and commemting,some nice, some ignorant,some thick,some bitchy,and all i want is to do some shopping,without being on show,
monday i have a cleaner,it kickstarts the week,then i manage to keep above the constant mess,babies coming down shortly for food from a nap,at least a freind called in with twins the same age this morning,the only way to get company without the struggle to get anywhere,i do go to the toy library,mums and tots,but have to start early getting ready,its like an major event,and when i get home im physically and mentally shattered, have to admit enjoy it when i get there,and because i go to the same ones im not a novelty anymore and other mums help,

Just wanted to add my piece, I only see these on a Thursday and Friday when I am at work! The rest of the week is chaos - I am a mother of 16 month old twin boys, unfortunately one of whom was born with kidney failure. He is not on dialysis yet but is under the constant care of Gt Ormond St - he cannot cope with solid food so is fed with a special feed through a tube directly into his tummy, three times a day and then all through the night via an electric pump. This sounds worse than it is!! He is used to it and is one of the happiest little boys I have ever come across. He's having a transplant early next year and if this works he will be eating normal food, like his brother. So, this is thrown into the mix with the general isolation, exhaustion and so on that comes along with twins - I don't drive, luckily I live in London so can get to the hospital via tube but the endless worry of making childcare arrangements for his brother is, well, stressful! The one thing, I have to say, that stops me when I do start feeling sorry for myself, is seeing the other children at the hospital. It makes you realise how lucky you are. And, of course, those wonderful little moments I am now starting to experience, when they stroke each others hair and giggle together. It is just gorgeoous, makes everything worth it!

pop my twims ate 4 and my dd 6 and i have to say now its easier than 3 singletons. I found life very hard up to 2.5 years, then things got much better. have you had a homestart volunteer? your health visitor could put u in touch with one, mine was fab (they are not just for low income families)and came on outings with me till i gained confidence

Don't know about you Pop but I found all these answers very helpful! Am glad you started this thread
It is great to hear from twin (and triplet) mums of their experience as believe me it does help tons!
Both my boys have a streaming awful cold at the mo and this will be my fifth night in a row without a full nights sleep. I have been spoiled that they slept well from birth and through the night (until 6 am anyway) from 3 months old! So I take comfort from hearing these snippets of twin life. And I take my hat off to all you triplet mums, esp you triplet as my parents were older when I was born (40 and 50 yrs old)

Thanks folks!

Thanks Paula,
I sympathize with you at the moment, all my three are down with a bug, last night Harry and I went out to my brothers 50th party, first night out together since my birthday in March. Came home at 10.30pm and got to sleep at 5am!!! Cough cough cough!!! Everyone says how do you cope? Yes they are exhausting, frustrating, but so so special, I just wish people would think before they say things like, "yours....surely not". You never know what has happened in other peoples lives, life is very hard at times without hurtful comments like we often get.

Triplets, I used to get people asking me if my parents were my grandparents which hurt me and them. I soon realised people go out their way to say stupid things! It is quite a good view on the general public to take as you can rise above it all.

And mine have just gotten over this "autumn bug" that has been floating about over the past month. Apparently about 3 million have suffered it so far! It is awful when the bubs get it though!

I was amazed that having twins would cause people to ask me if I had used IVF! I hadn't but that is a really rude and personal question for a stranger to ask, I thought.

Hi Paula,
Yes I agree, although now I believe they cannot replace more than two embyryos so perhaps thats why. People shouldnt even ask though. I found it thought provoking when you said that you were hurt as well as your parents, I suppose so far I have only thought about us, I suppose as my three get older they will realize more. But the main thing is that they were very much wanted, are very much loved and are special. Maybe they wont have us both around as long as others, but as we know there are no guarantees in this life, we could have had them when we were in our 30s and then died in an accident.....who knows? My big big regret is that Matthew isnt here to share it all and that they never knew him. Life!

triplets, age is only an issue I think when people 50-60 are only starting to think about having babies.

Like I said, my parents were 40 and 50 when I was born but I am now 31 and they are both still here and enjoying grandparenthood (invent a word time!) The hobbits seem to have given them a burst of youth. I was never angry at my parents as I was a complete surprise but the comments made me defensive towards them and perhaps even pushed us closer despite the generation gap.

Thanks Paula,
Your comments have made me see things in a different way, I hope I am still here to see my grandchildren, hard to imagine that I could have been a grandma by now, lots of Matthews friends are now married with children. Then again maybe Matthew would not have wanted children, he never seemed to mind being an only child, I will never know.