Not coping today - 8 week twins and 2 1/2 yr old.

[tingelingle]

I'm so tired and my body aches all over. My husband is late home from work for a change (stuck on a train) and my twins are yelling upstairs in the bedroom. My DD has gone to bed but I had to hurry everything along as I could hear them yelling throughout her bath. My mum is here and other times I have my mother in law and a mother's help but I can't afford to pay for her all the time. I don't know how I'll cope when we stop having her and my parents are too old to keep this up for long, despite their good intentions.

I can't write anything more that makes sense as I'm listening to one of my poor babies screaming her head off through the monitor. I was fine a few weeks ago but it seems to be getting harder and harder.

I don't know what I'm asking you to say, but please help.

Oh well

8 weeks is still early days - don't panic just yet. I know this might seem like a harsh glimpse into the future at the moment, but trust me, if you voice your concerns now then you can do something about them.

I have a mantra for when things get tough (no twins myself, so completely in awe of your task at hand) which I learned from here - it keeps me going on the toughest days - "and this too shall pass".

I got a chalkboard and wrote it on to put on the wall in my kitchen. It might be shit now, but it will gradually get better.

No experience with twins, but didn't want to read and run. Hope someone can help you soon.
xxx

They are still only tiny and it will get easier (until they start crawling :) )
I have a similar age gap - but mine are now 7 and the twins 5 - it has gone so quickly.
You will forget most of the really awful bits but try and take time to remember the good bits. I used to describe mine as the tag team screamers - calm one down and put her down and then pick the other one up to calm her down and so on most of the evening - but it did only last a short amount of time...but I also remember dd1 sitting between them and "reading" them stories, the pair of them lying beside each other and just watching, the rare occasions when all 3 would nap at the same time!

Poor you. I do feel for you. I don't have twins but did have two very close together and an older one.

Deep breaths.

Little steps.

hi. i don't have twins myself but wanted to give you some encouragement to keep you going. i remember many people telling me in the early days that it will get easier but those were just empty words...until it did get easier and then i understood that there was no need to panic. this is easy to say when u've come thru the harder early days but trust me, soon it WILL be easier!

have you thought about putting the twins onto a routine? i put my DD onto the Gina Ford routine at 6 months - a bit late i guess but we had problems which needed fixing and, although i had heard positives and negatives about GF i was at the end of my tether and needed to try something different. It has worked fantastically well for us. I think the most valuable thing it has given us is a certain amount of predictability, which i imagine would be invaluable with twins (and another child!). Just something to think about. I know other people have different opinions but I can't recommend her books highly enough.

Sorry I can't offer more help but wanted you to know you're being thought of. Make sure to take advantage of any help you are offered and try to make time to talk with your husband in the evening - it helped me a lot to get my stresses off my chest in the evening! rubyrubyruby's advice is great. Get through each day as best you can. In other words take each day as it comes and each night when you get into bed congratulate yourself on getting through another day. Eventually you'll realise you're not struggling any more.

Thinking of you. Hope more twin-specific help comes you way soon!

*your

I always think this is the hardest time. I don't have twins either but have looked after a few sets of twins.

Be honest with your dh and get your mum and mil on board to help as much as you can. Speak to your HV and see if you can get a referral to Homestart, you will qualify for a couple of hours with a volunteer if they have one available. Not much I know but anything is better than nothing.

Try to get the twins on a routine. Feeding and eating at the same time and aim for all kids to be in bed by 7.30 so you can put your feet up. You definitely need help at this time as this is the worst part of the day.

Have one of these

Hi there- I have had one of those days as well. My twin DDs are 13 weeks old and I also have a (just) 2 year old DD.
Don't worry, I am sure it must get easier. I have good days and some not so good days, where literally they all take it in turns to scream. But when its 8 o'clock in the evening, and all 3 are clean and tucked up in bed, I feel like I have achieved something.
Putting them into a routine has really helped me too. I also use GF because it helped with my DD, although I don't follow it to the letter and am quite flexible with it because it works for us. It just helped me understand how much sleep babies need, and to give our day a bit of structure.
I also try and get out every day, even if it is just going to the local park. It tires out my DD, so she is easier to look after at home, and means I get a bit of space too.
I'm sure you are doing a great job and everyone I have met who has twins says it does get easier. And when I see both girls 'talking' and smiling at each other- its all worth it.
Let me know how you are getting on!

Oh dear. I really feel for you. I could have written your post a few months ago. I think around 8 weeks really is the hardest point - any energy reserves that you have are depleted and it all seems overwhelming. But it does get better, I promise you.

My advice is if things are getting to you, put the kids in the pram and take your toddler to the park, the weather is still rubbish I know, but even a 20 minute run round with the twins "chasing" her in th buggy. Cut back on everything around the house except the bare essentials. Get your partner to make a packed lunch for you the previous evening and leave it in the fridge so come lunchtime you can grab something to eat. Accept any help offered, and don't worry about your parents getting on, you will only need their help for a couple of months until you get yourself back on an even keel.

You will get through this and in a couple of months you'll be here saying to some other new mum " this too will pass"

I really feel for you. I don't have twins but have a 3 month old and a two year old and that's hard enough. Days when my DH is late (beyond his control) are the worst because I am expecting support at a certain time and it doesn't arrive!

Things will get better as the twins start to entertain themselves more and sleep better. However I am very familiar with that feeling when you are so tired, the baby is crying and the toddler asking you questions and you feel just desperate because you don't know what to do first.

As said above I would speak to your health visitor to see if they can offer any extra support. How long is the mothers help coming for and is there anyway you can extend her contract for a bit longer? Is your 2 1/2 year old going to nursery or could she go for a few hours each day?

Post and let us know how you are doing today (big un-mumsnet hug to you)

Hi tinglelingle. I have twins and a little boy, with a 3 year age gap. As everyone above has said it will get better and there is lots of good advice from other posters, I just wanted to add something about the help, which will contradict others but anyway.....I had family help for a while (husband for a week or so, then grandparents) after the twins were born and after my little boy was born as well. Like you I was anxious as to how I would manage when the help stopped but strangely I found this was when things started to really improve. Oddly enough it was easier on my own and I found ways of coping. The twins (when I had my little boy)were happier when it was just me, even though they got much less attention, as to them it seemed like 'the old days' with just mummy. With other adults around, even their beloved granny , they were harder work and less settled.
Are you bf or ff the twins? Either way, could your husband do a 10pm (or whenever) feed and you go to bed early? We started this at around 8 weeks with the twins and the singleton - I would express at around 9pm and then go to bed with him staying up for the feed and it was with this in place that I began to feel a bit better.
It will never be this hard again, hang in there!

Hi there

a practical suggestion - have you contacted your local college and offered a nursery nursing placement? I had a final year student for 2 days per week for 4 months and it really helped - I used to look forward to the days when she came - an extra pair of hands to help feed/nappy change/bath/play - they are not allowed sole charge (you have to be in house with them) they come out with you to shops/toddler group wherever you are going - just things like an extra person to take car seats out to car, wash the bottles, she used to iron the baby clothes (mine were 4 months when I had the placement), puree the food etc etc, basically anything that a nanny does . Look online for the colleges that do a cache course and ring up the student placement office.

I totally recommend, it seems like a hassle to ring the college, but if you get a good student it is fantastic.

Hi all, I haven't logged on since posting as I haven't got much time (could really do with an iPhone!) but I'm feeling a lot better and think I was having a hormonal blip. But I'm going to read your replies now - thanks for taking the time to give your advice. Anything to make life easier is going to be welcomed.

Right, I've read everything! Thanks so much, I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to me.

'This too shall pass' and actually today I've been really proud of myself. DH went to work around 7am and won't be home until after 10pm but with my Mum's help, I've coped and I realise that that is a feat to be proud of.

Will check out Homestart / chat to health visitor and will speak to the college. Was a bit concerned about a 17 year old's ability to cope with twins but if they're not in sole charge then I think that'd be really useful.

Am sort of doing a Gina but don't have the time to digest it properly. It's been useful to give me an idea of when to put them down for a nap etc though I can't be as hardcore as her. I thought of myself as an 'attached' parent with my DD - slings and co-sleeping etc - and can't believe I'm even looking at a Gina book!

Formula feeding too I'm afraid. I have turned into the antithesis of myself!

The mother's help will stay around as long as I want but it's the cost (could do with the money to convert the attic as we'll need an extra bedroom now!) and I think you're right - sometimes my best days are when I'm on my own and not expecting DH to return home early etc. I just get on with it and it works.

And velveteenrabbit - your post brought tears to my eyes. My DD is already so affectionate with her sisters, I'm really proud. These are my last children and I really want to enjoy them rather than waiting for the next stage in the hope that it'll be better. When else can I have such unfettered cuddling time with such beautiful children?

Ok, I'm fine, actually feeling smug in fact, it was a hormone blip (no breastfeeding = cycle returning I guess). See you next month. Now where's the ? Want one?

Great to hear you are feeling better