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Multiple births

When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

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Original poster

i know i'm being grumpy but do other twin mums get narked by this?

12 replies

victoriagirl · 15/02/2011 15:32

My Id boys have just had their 3rd birthday. Everyone was so kind and generous and I feel a right grump for being mildly irked by this but need to get it off my chest. (I have flu at mo so that's probably not helping my mood). At least 5 people gave them a shared card which rankles as it is impossible in my opinion to get twins to sychronise a joint card opening. But more irritatingly they also got given a shared colouring book. I know its really kind to be given anything at all and so I guess I just need a virtual slap. I really don't have a problem with them being given shared gifts- they had loads and we explain which ones are sharing and which ones are individual. But how are they supposed to share a colouring book- do they really think they get on so well that they sit side by side happily colouring a page each??
So I guess what I am wondering is does this happen more to ids, or is it just a twin thing, which is always going to happen and I need to stop being so sensitive? I just feel they are TWO individuals!!!

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bagpusswasthebest · 15/02/2011 16:53

I see your point and I had a friend who had identical daughters who use to rant & rave about this subject. Then she preceeded to give out joint gifts (i.e.just one from both girls) with a single card that they'd both signed.

That rankled everyone!

So, I think if you're gonna talk the talk, you need to walk the walk...and if you do both then yes you can have a moan when it's not recipricated.

Greedymonster · 15/02/2011 17:02

I am with you. It drives me nuts. Luckily most of my friends know now not to do this. Each DT takes their own card and present to each party we go to - someone always remarks about this and asks why not just buy one card and present and I then have an opportunity to say (quite loudly!) that if I expect them to have separate presents and cards on their birthday then I should buy separate presents and cards for them to take to other children's birthdays.

Doesn't stop it happening but it was better on their last birthday than it has been in the past.

Your poor DTs, they start noticing at 3 (and I imagine if they are anything like mine, fighting)

potplant · 15/02/2011 17:08

I wouldn't care about the cards - the DTs are not interested in them and they all end up in the recyling anyway.

My ILs were seriously considering buying mine a scooter between them for their 4th birthday.

Sharing toys are OK if its a big ticket item that they can both genuinely play with - mine are 7 and are very used to having 'sharing' toys and their own toys. But one colouring book between two is just lazy.

The upside is that its one less thing in the house and when you get to school age that is a huge blessing as birthdays are a nightmare

potplant · 15/02/2011 17:09

Oh and you def have to walk the walk - if both are invited to a party, they have to both bring a present.

Original poster

victoriagirl · 15/02/2011 18:07

Thanks for your comments. I def agree about the cards and I do make sure they give a card from each of them, and if they go to a party they should take a present from each of them (we are still learning all this etiquette- its a minefield!) as they are each kindly being given a place at the party so should each bring a present.
But I guess what I feel less sure about Bagpuss is when it comes to general presents I kind of feel that one 'family' present is enough from my friends to each child (they really don't have to give any presents!). I wouldn't expect my friends with different age siblings to give one present from each of their DC. It is really kind of them to give anything and one present from the family is kind enough, so why should mine because their birthday falls on the same day always have to give one present from each of them iyswim? I have lots of friends with different age children and they don't each give a present.
The flu is getting to me so I am probably not making myself clear and probably just sound ungrateful. I don't mean to be. I guess the bottom line is that if I don't want people to do it to me I need to set the standard I guess and always make sure its a present from each child. Its going to cost a fortune...
(and thanks greedymonster, yes they do notice at this age and the fighting is really wearing thin now! Tell me it stops soon...!)

OP posts:

bagpusswasthebest · 15/02/2011 19:26

I think I see what you mean (get well soon!!). In the case of giving presents to their peers (i.e.classmates) I do think that each child should give a separate present/card if they were each invited to the party. But, if it's a generic birthday, as in Uncle Tom or Your Friend Sally's son who is x years older, then of course, one present from your family unit as a whole is enough.

I have 3 ds's and parties cost our family a fortune so get used to nabbing bargains when you see them (and in bulk) and buying packs of cards to save £££'s.

LouMacca · 15/02/2011 20:42

My twins getting a joint card really narks me too. My friend has a son and daughter who share a birthday 3 years apart, would anyone send them a joint card??

I spend £5 on a present for a classmates party so if they both get invited (which doesn't happen often) I would spent £10 on one present rather than two for £5 each.

A couple of years ago my SILs partner bought my DCs a small present each for Xmas (cost £5) and a larger present for their cousin who is an only child (cost £10) and it might sound ungrateful and petty but I thought that was wrong. My older brother has 3 sons and my younger brother has 1 daughter and I spend £30 on them all at Xmas. I wouldn't spend £30 on my niece and £10 each on my nephews iyswim.

charitygirl · 15/02/2011 20:46

As a non-multiple mum I don't give my small twin friends joint cards or presents - no way!

In terms of twins giving presents - unless its the kids own money, I'm quite happy to get one present from the two of them for my DC. It's the parents money - why should they have to pay twice as much?!

twinmumplus1inthetum · 16/02/2011 20:01

It drives me crazy when this happens. And I was amazed when my members of my family did it a few times.
I have said to people I would rather they didn't give them anything at all than give a joint present or card (unless it is something that is meant to be shared like a game......or a see-saw that they got from an uncle).

kattyo · 17/02/2011 21:43

I always buy two presents (though sometimes forget and get one card) and get really irritated if someone gives one present between the two of them. Occasionally,I have asked a child's parent if they would rather I bring two cheaper presents or one more expensive present - last year, for example, i wanted to buy a music box for a little girl, but it was sixteen pounds, and the mother was happy for me to bring just that.

PrincessScrumpy · 18/02/2011 16:51

I do agree, but on the other hand I'm pg with id twins (dc 2 and 3) and am terrified how much space their toys will take up. Some shared stuff will be necessary!

Sassybeast · 18/02/2011 20:45

If non twin siblings had a joint birthday party, would they get a joint present?

And if you have non twin children and both are invited to the same party, do you send a present from each of them ?

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