At the end of my tether with dts (2yo)

[twinsufficient]

My dts (girls) have just turned 2 and for the last few months have been a complete nightmare. They cry over EVERYTHING - having their nappies changed, having their hands and face cleaned, not being held ALL THE TIME, you get the picture. They never seem to be happy and they both want me all the time so it never feels like I have a minute to myself. I also have a dd who is 6 and she doesn't get the attention she needs either because of the dts. They don't even play nicely when I'm in the room as they are constantly crawling all over me trying to grab my attention. What can I do to get my sanity back? I almost feel as depressed as I did back in the newborn days when everything felt too difficult with no light at the end of the tunnel.

Hi twinsufficient,
mine (both boys) are only 15 months so we're not quite at that stage yet but you have my utmost sympathies. It is just so hard. And I only have the two to contend with!
All I can say (and it isn't probably entirely helpful) is that it will pass.
Do they play together much yet? For our Dts first birthday they had a play tent and tunnel set (about 30 quid from Amazon) and if I need a quiet half hour to MN read a book or drink a cuppa I get that out and they entertain and wear themselves out chasing each other around through it. It also really helps me if I get out most days - even if it's only to the shops or the swings.
In the meantime, big twinmumsy (exhausted) hugs and hang on in there!

Thanks daretodream. No, they don't play together much because they're too busy competing for my attention. I have tried shutting the lounge door and letting them get on without the distraction of me being there but they just scream. They are full-time at nursery so maybe this has made them insecure about when I'll be there but tbh I dread the weekends when I feel like I'm in a prison.

I'm afraid my twins are only 7 months, but my daughter is almost 3, and in my opinion the 2-3 stage is the hardest. I'm dreading the boys getting there! So you have my upmost sympathies.

My advice is to be very consistent, and scrupulously fair. If one child gets something, the other two must get something too. Like taking turns on Mummy's lap. Wall charts are a must to be able to remember who got the story first each night so it can be taken in turns. Try to set aside 15 minutes (30 minutes if you have it but I know its unlikely), sometime like straight after dinner (leave the kitchen a tip until everyone is in bed, I've done the dishes at 11pm at night!) And spend 5 minutes alones with each child. Bribe the other 2 to leave you for those 5 minutes with chocolate/a computer game/colouring in. After a few nights the kids will hopefully realise that they will get some precious mummy time. Don't give in to screaming. If one is throwing a tantrum, try to concentrate on the other ones that are being good.

I know all this is difficult when you are frazzled, but kids feed off stress - at least mine do, so the more wound up you are the more hyper they are. And finally, you've just have Christmas, you're bound to be tired and stressed, don't be harsh on yourself, and remember to look after yourself as well.

Hi twinsufficient - my DTs are now 4, so the pain and horror of having a pair of two-year-olds is still sharp in my memory.

Be obsessively fair - work out a way of juggling both twins onto your lap at the same time (one per thigh works well for me). If they squabble over a toy, get a kitchen timer and set it for two minutes - tell them that when it beeps they have to swap. I used this from just before they were two and they took to it quite well - still use it as the squabbles sadly don't stop!

From two, we treated screaming for no reason with a trip to the time-out mat in the hallway (our hall is within eyeshot of the living room, also within earshot so they can hear all the nice games they are missing out on). Again, they cottoned on pretty quickly so all I needed to do after a while was hiss 'Time out?'.

Also, I shamelessly exploited the soothing powers of CBeebies to tame my two . I kept it to maybe a half hour or so in the mornings (cup of coffee, flick through the paper) and an hour late afternoon (get the dinner on, quick tidy up). Because the TV wasn't constantly on, they looked forward to it and paid more attention (ie were nice and quiet) than if it had been on all day.

Best of luck. It really doesn't last for ever - my two are pretty much fully-functioning human beings now and much more pleasant to be around. Also, when things get really rough, concentrate on the lovely things they do. If you find it hard to think of any, keep a handy written list available!

Thank you for the words of encouragement, just what I needed to keep things in perspective. It just feels like a constant battle for very little 'reward' atm but after already having one dd who was also a nightmare I do at least know that this is all a phase, albeit a very long one!

Hi twinsufficient, I've only just seen this, so wonder how you're getting on now?

Mine are a bit younger than yours (17 months), but I have similar issues over wanting my attention.

I wrestle them both onto my knee, putting my head between their heads so they can't reach to bang heads together/slap each other. I choose a big book to read together so they can both see the pictures at the same time, and am scrupulous about taking it in turns for everything.

If one is playing nicely and one tantrumming, I ignore the sulker and pay lots of attention to the 'good' one.

When they do play nicely together, I give lots of praise and encouragement for how good they are being, same when they hug and kiss each other.