toddler twins bedtime woes

[ktc123]

I have 16 month old twin boys who have never really learnt to go to sleep on their own. I decided very early on that CIO / controlled crying was just not for me, so when they were tiny babies we always rocked them to sleep and then just adapted as they got older, always trying to get them to sleep with as few tears as possible. For the last few months we have had a set up where we have a cosy soft area in the middle of their bedroom floor with duvets, pillows etc, lights dimmed and they wind down, lots of cuddles, contact and reassurance, then one twin is put in his cot when he is really sleepy and he would drop off with little fuss, the other twin would fall asleep usually cuddled up next to me. This worked really really well untill a month ago, now they have changed (gulp) and its becoming increasingly hard to get them to wind down and drop off. They are lively boisterous etc and have a complete meltdown if they are put in their cots wide awake. They are going through this scary head banging thing too! 'bedtime' currently takes about 2 hours or more from about 6.45pm when we dim the lights to about 8.45 sometimes 9.00 when they are finally both asleep. (They used to be asleep at 7.30) I have always been wracked with fear that my attatchment style of parenting would one day go belly up on me lol. Anybody else took this approach to bedtime? is it a phase? should i change it? will it only get worse and worse? how old before they settle down a bit, aged 3 ?! I have to add they have always been brilliant sleepers and are currently going a 11 to 12 hour stretch at night often without hardly a whimper. sorry for the rambling long post!! xx

Sorry you have not had any responses to your post.

As a multiple mum, I just completely discounted an AP approach to parenting. And I have never come across anyone who has attempted it.

We did CC once they got to 12 months.

I know its not what you want to hear - but maybe you need to give it a go.

My twins are now nearly 3 and have generally been good sleepers - but we have been through a bad patch as they have both been ill and so we have broken our rules and taken them to bed with us etc. But really looking forward to getting back to the straight and narrow. But that does not include CC. I think there is a windor of between 12 and 24 months when CC works really well. after that you need other strategies.

Not sure that was very useful.

Hope yo uget some better responses.

Hi sorry to hear you are having a rough time at bedtime. It must be very tiring for you all. I have always put my two down awake in their cots since they were 3 months old which has worked well for us so I haven't got experience of your situation. I think if I were you, I would try using gradual withdrawal to slowly change how you do things at bed time. This will inevitably mean that your twins will cry at first (as you will be changing how you have done things so they will be upset) but you will be in the room with them to speak to and reassure them, so hopefully it will not be too traumatic for all of you. Start by being right next to their cots and then slowly move back over a couple of weeks until you are at the door. At the toddler age children are very quick to form habits and it takes a while to change things so you will need to stick at it for a while even if it doesn't seem to be working at first. Good luck whatever method you try.

Hi ktc, that sounds like a really tough time you are having.

Like others, I put mine down awake from a very early age and did not go down the ap parenting route (I felt I was constantly attached to the twins anyway!!! with twins thats the way it is, you are always doing something for one baby or another!0 - but you do need some child free time in the evening for your own sanity.

how much sleep are they having during the day - it sounds like they are not very tired when they go to bed now?? I have always found with mine that adjusting thier day time naps has helped. (mine are 3, they go to bed at 7pm ,wake up at 7am or on a weekend I let them sleep till 8am. )

our (AP'd) ds1 was a terrible sleeper before a year, and between 1-2 years went through great and awful sleep phases. by 2 he was sleeping through consistently, happily going to sleep on his own, listening to a cd story. I don't remember 16 months specifically, but I expect this is just a phase that will pass like all the rest, altho it never feels that way going through one! hope it works out that way for you :)

am attempting to AP our dts too (only 3 months old), would be interested in any tips

The only advice I can give is that you need to take the path of least resistance. For me, that was CC. AP would have driven me right over the edge. However, as with any other twin thing, this is just a phase, so don't despair.

But I do have some ideas - hope they help. My twins (21 months) sleep far better when their cots are right next to each other; I mean completely, so that the side walls touch. It means they can stand up and babble to each other happily until they finally drop off, thus freeing you up to go and make dinner/have a glass of wine. I do feel, especially with twins, that you need your own time, or your head explodes (IME anyway!) Though trianglesquare's idea of gradual withdrawal may have to be done concurrently, as they have been used to having you in the room.

Also, at 16 months mine had just one nap a day, after lunch (and they still do). If yours are having two daytime naps, you might consider dropping one?

Our bedtime routine takes 20 minutes to half an hour. It's bliss.

What worked for me was to sit in the room with them with the light out and doing nothing and saying nothing. Whenever they stood up or started fidgeting I would quietly say go to sleep it is bed time. And keep doing that until they finally fall asleep. Over a week or so they gradually fought it less and eventually they went to sleep almost straight away. I guess they learn being awake at that time is no real fun.

Gradually move further out of the room so they realise they don't have to have you in the room.

I was a bit hard and as soon as they got home did cc. They slept amazingly well until around 17 months when one kept waking. She's still a monkey waking up a few times a night and she's almost 20 months.

Maybe it's something that just happens around 16 months? I would defo recommend trying cc though.

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