Playdates, what happens with toddler twins or older?

[TwoCotbeds]

I have had a singleton before, and thinking back some of my happiest times were when I'd take hern on playdates, when she was under 4. I'd stay with her or her little friend plus Mum would come to us. I would get to know some more local people. ( I was new to area and bit lonely ) My little DD1 and her buddy would be happy too. Was lovely.

But this all went a bit wrong when I had my DTs. When they were babies, socialising was v. difficult. Just time for basics only.
We both missed out.

Now DTs are 3 and have just started pre-school part of our local school. They are boy-girl...... QUESTION IS : If your twins or older or same age how do you socialise/oragnise meeting up ?

No one has asked them yet. Maybe they find it too daunting?? I only know mums with singletons really. I have no problem with separating them at all ! But I have no granny or Aunty help, so really its just me. I am worried they and I are gonna miss out.
I feel so on the outside of things, scared to ask another mum+kid. Would they want to meet - because there would be three kids ?
Would they avoid my DT's and prefer just a singleton so their kid could not be left out ?

My DTs are not close at all, they play separately so this wouldn't happen. But I feel others wont understand and think mine dont need play mates as they have each other ??!!

Sorry Long- Any advice, anybody please ??

I don't have any experience of twins, but I have 2 DCs, 20 months apart. Many of my friends also had two, and it was always just taken for granted that if one was invited, the other would come too - especially when they are little. Now they are older they sometimes get invited on their own when their friend doesn't have a sibling.

If I were you I think I'd make the first move - invite a friend to yours, and then the other mum will see how it is. especially as you have one of each I'm sure people won't assume they only play together.

Good luck!

My DD's best friend is a twin. They are 5 and have been friends since pre-school. When DD goes there she obviously plays with both twins (unidentical girls). When they come here, we usually invite both, but sometimes only the one that DD is most friendly with will come (the other one might have a "playdate" elsewhere or might just want to stay at home). My impression is that they usually get invited to things together, but at least now they are older the mum is very keen to tell people that it is not a problem just to invite one. I guess she is thinking that once it comes to things like sleepovers, people might feel a bit daunted about the idea of two.

I have known them since the girls were about 2 and a half, and to be honest I have never noticed that they get left out of anything just becuase they are twins. Maybe it is easier because they are same sex though?

Should add that when they were too young to be left on their own (which started happening sometime during reception), the mum or nanny would always come along with both girls.

I have DTs who will be three soon. They are also boy/girl. Have DS1 who is 4.5 and so far our playdates involve me and three DCs going to DS1's friends' houses (where I also know the mum so we all have a nice time together), and vice versa with friends coming here.

Have done this a few times with various friends, most of whom have one DC of DS1's age and one younger, so a similar age to my DTs. DS1 does also go to friends' houses now on his own too, and sometimes we have his friends here without their parent.

As for DTs, they have yet to go on a playdate that is not based around their big brother's social circle, although have been invited to one birthday party so far (were both invited, but was a local friend who knows us all and has a DS of similar age). DD has also been asked for a lunch playdate with a little girl of similar age locally, but we have yet to sort it. DS2 has not been asked as well, but that is fine as it will be nice for DD to have some girls time as she is always normally surrounded by boys!

DS1 has just started Reception and has made friends with some boy twins. When it comes to DS1's birthday in Feb I am hoping he either wants to invite both or neither of them so I don't have to leave one of them out, but if they were boy/girl twins I would not be surprised (or feel so guilty) if he only wanted to invite the boy twin. If we were going to do a playdate at this stage with them, I think I would invite them both the first time, although he has said he is more friends with one than the other at present.

Now DS1 is at school, me and DTs will visit same friends houses as we did before, but without the 4/5yr olds being there. They have recently started pre-school too so if they make some of their own friends we will invite people here. So far nobody seemed too daunted by us (god knows why, my lot are not quiet placid ones!).

Does any of that make sense?

Hi Two Cotbeds, without (hopefully) being insensitive I'm nor sure I see your dilemma? I have boy girl twins, not quite 3. They are very close and play well together but this has never stopped me inviting anyone for a play date or as far as I know stopped anyone accepting - I'm a SAHM and we do lots of play dates! I think you just have to be bold and invite someone! Good luck!

I find the whole socialing situation seems to depend on other parents. I have b/g dts in nursery and dd1 has b/g twins in her class (I'm friendly with their mum).

When it was dd1's birthday she specified she only wanted girls at this party (my boys stayed in other part of house) however when I mentioned this in passing to another twin mum (dd1 is friends with her dd) she made it clear that she would not allow her dts to be separated as it would upset the one being left out too much.

I often wonder if my dcs don't get invites because people expect I'd turn up with all 5 in tow instead of just the one or two similar in age, or because people assume mine are all too busy with their siblings.

We do get lots of mums visit us with their dcs so it can't be because we're unpopular (I hope) It's more likely because I can't drive and bus fares are astronomical around here . Once in a way an invite is nice.