Wibble Wibble ! please help, I am so lonely I may be going Loopy!

[TwoScooters]

Arg.. dont know where to start..

erm... I am just very very isolated.

I do feel like crying

I had a 2 year old, then we moved to a new area. I hoped I would meet some new local mum friends. We planned a second dc.
We had twins, unexpectedly.

I found it very hard to get socialise meet new friends etc with my three year old and newborn twins. When I did get out, I had no time to chat, literally. Zero

My eldest is now 7, and twins are 3. But I seem to have totally missed the boat.

Things are a lot easier now. Much easier than first 2 mad years . I do have time to think, but I am very very lonely.

One good friend moved away to Japan, so I tried hard to to meet people. Tried to help at school etc but It is still hard with 2 young three year olds. I have injured shoulders from pushing a double buggy so much which doesn't help ! Just controlling them and getting anything else done still seems so hard !

I have been to a few classes and tried to help at some school stuff, but while dealing with my two there just dont seem to be those gaps ( the ones where the other mums of just one chat to each other )

Unfortunately I dont have any family help at all.

Is anyone out there vaguely similar to me ??? Please say if so, I feel so alone and so unusual ! I know nobody else who knows what it is like. My life feels crazy but I'm not that weird am I ?

I did join local twins club. Did meet couple lovely mums. But only those with twins only, no older kids. It was/is very hard to go to as they meet at term time 2pm till 4pm only. That's when I have to do school pick up.

Out of term time I would have loved to meet up but with my oldest with me, it doesn't work meeting another mum with young twins as she gets left out.
( She is very good with DTs usually but to ask her to spend time with 4 young toddlers is hard on her )

Please Please anyone else isolated like this ? Or anyone finding older DC and DTs so hard ?? Or am I a pathetic wimp ?

You poor thing. I didn't want your post to go unanswered but I'm not sure I can help. I am expecting twins and have 2 DCs of 5 and 1 already. School pick up does kind of get in the way, but could you ask the twin club mums to meet you in the mornings? I've always found mornings are better for the LOs anyway, but that could be just mine.

Hi TwoScooters

Just wanted to reply even though I'm not really what you're looking for as I only have the DTs, and they're 5 months so lots younger. But I hugely empathise with lots of what you say. I think having twins is isolating in itself, and with an older daughter and having had a house move to contend with I can imagine how difficult it all must feel. Hopefully someone with more experience/children(!) will be able to offer some suggestions/support...

If you're a pathetic wimp then I'm worse: I feel similarly a lot of the time and that's with only two who aren't even crawling yet.

Whereabouts are you?

Hi Tartiflette, Thanks for your reply. It feels so nice to hear from others- cos I have no-one close I never hear about anyone finding it hard, just small talk.

I think having 'just twins' ( hmmm!) first must be so hard because you are really in the deep end straight away. At least cos I had my singleton first I knew about babies, how to Bf, what to buy etc. The other big difference is I know how lovely and easy and more enjoyable it is with one. I know how different it is to twins, how much extra time you have. Maybe its better not to know that ??

Have you had much help ?
I found it quite surprising that pretty much everyone expected me just to manage the same as though I had one baby, despite clearly having Two !

Hi smokeybacon thanks for you replying - I know how busy us twin mums are. It means a lot little things like that to me. I guess because I am so isolated that I really appreciate human contact of any kind !

Your suggestion is good, and I do try meet ups in the morning sometimes. However, as my two have now turned three they get funded pre-school places. This is Fantastic ! it really is, but unfortunately the friends I did make have their kids in a different pre-school. We are losing touch. Also having some lovely free time to myself ( at last, after 3 mad years ) means I am stupidly taking stock of just lonely I am !

When I had intense no-time mornings there seemed to be lots of offers from mum aquaintences to meet in mornings for coffee, but now I could actually fit that in, it seems I am too late and everyone I know from school gates has buddied up already, iykwim !

Sorry to ramble on. It is all pouring out !

Sorry Tartiflette forgot to answer your question,
I am near Kingston and Richmond, west of London. Are you finding it isolating too ?
Now I do have some lovely, wonderful free-time I would love to meet and help anyone with younger twins, or any age twins. It would just be nice to chat about twin stuff to other twin mums

Oh that's VERY far away from me in Newcastle, otherwise I would snap you up immediately!
What about going along to a twins club - if there is one nearish - without your two, while they're at preschool? I'd imagine everyone there would love a more experienced mum to pump for tips and info chat to (I know I would) - not to mention an extra pair of hands.
I suppose if you do have spare mornings and can face it you can get in with the school crowd by volunteering to help out with stuff etc?

I need to take my own advice as, although I have good friends with same-age singletons, I know no-one else with twins and I do feel 'different' when we're out and I'm struggling with both of them or manoeuvring the bloody massive buggy round somewhere. Plus there are things we just can't do like swimming classes etc. So I really need to get myself to twins club since there is one quite near - can't imagine why I haven't done this already, I think I just kind of stayed in my comfort zone for the first few months. Bit daunting meeting new people all the time when your hormones are all over the place, you look a mess and can't focus on a conversation! Ha, not that all that much has changed now I hasten to add!

That was me 3 years ago. All sympathy to you!

I started a book group by asking around mums at school that I vaguely new.I also asked the leader at the playgroup I took the twins to ask if anyone wanted to start training for the race for life. That way I had social life at night.

I think you'd be ideal to volunteer for Homestart if you can fit it in whilst the twins are at preschool? My homestart lady held the babies whilst I did craft or baking with ds1.

Work can help too-I do private tuition so can fit the odd hour in and I looked after a neighbour's child for odd afternoons paid babysitting. I was always a better none shouty mum when I was I had another child there!

3 kids of that age can stop all conversation.It is really hard. Are you getting out with your dh at all? That helps.

Hi again, and thanks for all the kind advice.

I think twins clubs are great, tartiflette, you are right....

...but unfortunately for me, my only local twins club meets 2 til 4 pm, so I can hardly ever go, because I have to pick my elder child from school then.
I kind of feel I dont fit in there cos its all mums with twins first/only. But I dont fit in at school gates EITHER cos there they all have just an only child or just one older kid plus one toddler !

I do try and be friendly at achool gates, well anywhere, really ... But every converstaion seems to stop just as it starts.
Usuallly cos one of my 3 yr DTs is running off, screaming, fighting, needs wee etc.

I suppose I am just twice as busy as those waiting at gates with one younger DC. I just find it so hard just to get to know anyone.

defineme thanks for yr points. I am considerring volunterring with Homestart. Unfortunately after giving me a great helper, they decided to take any help away when my two were just three, despite me being in a lot of pain with my shoulders, almost every day and me still needing help. I understand someone probably needed them more, thats fine. But they did it an abrupt way, like they did not believe me and it did hurt me a bit.

Also unfortunately myself and DH are not getting on too well. I thinks it is because we feel very over stretched at weekends, well all the time really ! Although our new resolution is to make more couple time so we are not just parents iykwim.