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Multiple births

When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

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Original poster

Please tell me I am not a bad mum for wanting to stop breastfeeding my twins...

14 replies

Somethingwicked · 04/08/2010 20:24

I know I am not, but it just feels wrong to stop, yet I want to so much. They are one in a week and they are RAMPANT feeders. They feed whenever and wherever they want (especially all night) and I just have no control over it at all. They and I are knackered. I need some sleep, some space, some time out before I blow a gasket (or any more gaskets that is). Having a 2 year old as well makes it even more complicated.

I have loved feeding them so far, but now I am not enjoying it at all.

Do you think I might be able to keep in one token feed a day or do they sound like all or nothing kinds of people?

Please reassure me that stopping the feeding is not a horribly unkind thing to do.

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StealthPolarBear · 04/08/2010 20:27

You have done brilliantly to feed twins for a year expecially with a 2yo.
That said I think you should be able to cut right down if you wantto - DS was a rampnat feeder, went down to morning & night without too much fuss

thisisyesterday · 04/08/2010 20:28

no, you aren't a bad mum at all! i think you've done amazingly to feed them to a year, esp with a toddler around as well

would you like to continue if you could set stricter rules though? because that should be do-able.
a lot of babies naturally lose a bit of interest in the breast at around a year (so i've read from lots of bf people anyway) so it might be a good chance to nightwean?

do you ever try and distract them? does it work?
if you're interested in nightweaning google dr jay gordon

Original poster

Somethingwicked · 04/08/2010 20:35

Weaning at night is my priority, but I could also do with not being on tap all day as well!

To wean at night would I have to stop the bedtime feed? Tried to give them beakers of warm cow's milk with their books tonight but they were chucked all over the place!

I would be happy to feed them in the morning (and evening if I could get away with that being it for the night). I will look Jay Gordon up, thank you. Not sure how to go about all this as the last thing I have at the moment is another bar of energy to spend all night patting bottoms and singing lullabies (not really up for controlled crying beyond a few minutes by the way).

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hairymelons · 04/08/2010 20:37

A year is a huge achievement. DS was totally rampant until we started distracting etc. Got him down to just a morning and evening feed in a few months so it is possible.

We used the dr jay gordon method to night wean DS at 14mo. It worked in a couple of nights in that he would go back to sleep without much fuss. However, the cheeky blighter asked for a feed every time he woke up until we fully weaned him! V persistent.

But if you are fed up (and I know that feeling) it is fine to just stop. Your twins will forget about it very quickly ungrateful wretches and may even start sleeping a bit longer, you never know!

bumblingalong · 04/08/2010 20:52

I take my hat off to you for feeding until now! Don't feel guilty or beat yourself up, you have managed to feed twins for a year, thats great. I only managed to make it to 7 months and that was with ff as well. You have given them a great start, but maybe now they need a mum whose getting some sleep. Don't know if it'll help with time out though - haven't managed even a trip to the loo on my own since dd1 could crawl

Have you tried dropping any feeds? Slowly replacing 1 feed a day with milk in a cup/bottle and see how they take that? Or try the feed before bed? If they don't get a bf at night maybe it might make the days easier if you want to carry on? Or drop the day feeds and keep the bedtime one?

Honestly, if stopping will help you then it is not a bad thing to do, you have done really well to get to a year!

BakewellTarts · 04/08/2010 20:54

I don't have twins but fed my girls for a year and then was happy to cut down / give up.

How do they eat? As meals increased desire for milk reduced and I was able to cut daytime feeds down.

I kept morning and evening feeds though for comfort and because we both loved the time together. Night feed was the last to go with both of mine (I fed until 14 mths and 19 mths).

When we decided to cut out night feeds DH got up to the girls when they cried and settled with milk / water. Was not easy and took some time but we got there. We didn't do controlled crying either.

Its much harder with 2 but you have done a fab job to get to a year. Most people don't manage that with 1. Good luck!

IMoveTheStars · 04/08/2010 20:54

I initially read it as 'one week old', then realised you'd fed until they are a year old!
[bows down]

No, of course YANBU... I'm in utter total awe.

thisisyesterday · 04/08/2010 21:02

i think if you want to stop breastfeeding, be that just at night, or completely, then you are either going to HAVE to have some crying (ie, more than a few minutes) or find the energy to use a "gentle" sleep training method

we used the no cry sleep solution when ds2 was about 9 or 10 months, which worked quite well, but did involve finally convincing him a dummy was a good idea, which you may not want to do.
at that point he was still feeding pretty much hourly through the night so i was more than happy by that stage for him to have one lol

Original poster

Somethingwicked · 04/08/2010 21:40

Thank you all. The Jay Gordon article is really good. It looks worth following though, and his ten day plan sounds do-able.

I am just going to have to plumb some new depths for a week or so of night time settling. Or get DH to do it! (He's more knackered than me though really, and very long suffering...)

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Original poster

Somethingwicked · 04/08/2010 21:43

They eat well, though they would eat better if I could actually manage to cook a decent meal without having a zillion interruptions and then having to feed them both just before they eat in order to stop them howling! Me having meltdowns in the kitchen is, second to being up all night, my biggest crisis area as an over-exhausted parent at the moment.

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thisisyesterday · 04/08/2010 21:50

sounds familiar!!! i don't have twins, but i have a 5 yr old a 2.5 yr old and a 1yr old

i always tell myself i'll start cooking dinner earlier, but it never happens.

def a good idea to get your dh to settle them. might be easier for him to do it, as when they see you they will want the milk!!!

1stMrsF · 06/09/2010 21:21

I dropped to just the bedtime feed around this time and have just dropped that final feed at 15mo. That said, mine had dropped off to just bedtime, morning and afternoon before 1yo. I guess I did what you'd call never offer, never refuse. I didn't make a huge effort to offer when we were out and they were distracted, but often they would have the feed when we were home. Once they'd not had a feed most days of a week then I'd try actively distracting them with a drink/snack/toys/walk in the pram. The night weaning just sort of happened when I made the mental switch from 'I'll just feed them because it's easier' to 'I'm prepared to take time to settle them without because I can't face feeding them anymore' - sounds like you've reached that point so just give it a go! I read Jay Gordon around this time - didn't follow exactly but it gave me some principles to follow and some reassurance that it could be done.

MyFourGirls · 10/09/2010 12:39

have you tried looking at the 'no-cry sleep solution' by elizabeth pantley? even if you don't follow it to the letter it has some great tips and ideas to wean at night if you're not keen on controlled crying... used it lots with my dd and will probably pull it out for my dt's (i'm 29weeks pg)

if i can breastfeed for a year with my dt's i will be feeling very pleased with myself indeed...well done you, you should feel immense pride NOT guilt!

Original poster

Somethingwicked · 11/09/2010 21:03

Hello all,

Thanks for all the advice and encouragement. I don't really feel seriously guilty but I just never thought I would want to deprive my children of their miracle immune-boost juice, but then that was before I had twins...

I have managed to discourage DS from feeding at all in the day, and DD2 is only giving up the will to carry on by about 4pm, and having one feed then. The other day, for the first time since they were born, my breasts felt ever so slightly engorged, a sign, I suppose, of things ramping down. I guess I have been continually milked dry over the year. In fact, up until last week, I have been giving at least 16 breastfeeds every 24 hours for 13 months non-stop. A lot of milk.

The nights are still horrendous, and am feeding each up to three times a night still. I haven't had the energy to settle in other ways, and nor has DH, but I have a renewed desire to give up now as I just tried on some lovely lacy bras that I bought just before I was pregnant with DD1 back in 2006 and have never worn. All 32As. Of course I am popping out of them. But I really would quite like to be a small breasted woman once again and fit into them asap. I am so going to regret saying that aren't I?

Anyhow, I might just try to settle them without feeds tonight and see how I get on. Will let you know.

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