Mixed Race DS made to feel bad about being "brown" - any advice please?

[Tryharder]

I am white English, DH is black African and my DC are (obviously) mixed race. Recently my DS1 (aged 5)has expressed reluctance to go to events as he "will be the only brown person there". He also refused to wear shorts on a hot day. He wouldn't tell me why but eventually admitted because he didn't want to show his (brown) legs.

He attends a predominantly "white" school but in a "nice" town; there is one other mixed race girl in his class and a couple of black children in the school plus a few children of Asian and Chinese heritage. Racism has never been an issue for us. After some discussion, it emerged that a couple of boys at the school have made comments about him being brown in colour. I don't think anything too bad or overly offensive was said (we are talking 5/6 year olds) but clearly it was enough to make him self conscious. It is very difficult to get information out of DS1 who has been quite cagey about the whole thing.

Since all this has happened, I have complained to the headmistress in writing and she has dealt with the situation well and the whole school are undergoing some sessions in inclusion/racism that sort of thing. Plus I have spent time with DS1, telling him how lucky he is to be mixed race, should be proud, colour unimportant etc etc etc. Today, he got up and said he would wear his shorts as he was proud of himself and proud of being brown so obviously something has sunk in.

So my question, has anyone else dealt with this type of issue and would you suggest anything else for me to do. Any advice gratefully received.

BTW, DH is currently working abroad and so it's left for me to deal with at the moment.

I haven't had experience of this, but I would have suggested exactly what you have done. Keep telling him he should be proud of who he is. You could point out some very important people who have brown skin like him eg. President Barack Obama!

I am mixed race, and lived with overt racism for several years as a child following a move out of London. For that reason, I would not be comfortable with raising my dcs in an area where there are so few non-white people. My younger sis came home at 5 and asked if she could bathe in special washing up liquid to make her white like the girls in school said. We told her that we wouldn't love her if she was white, because she was supposed to be brown and that was the end of it. She has dcs now, her ex dp was white, and his father has issues with having mixed race gc, to the disgust of us all.
You sound as if you are dealing with it in just the right way, and I'm glad school are taking you seriously- as they should. There are many famous mixed race people out there- Bob Marley, and Tiger Woods spring to mind- and in time your ds will grow to be proud of his heritage. His father has a big part to play in promoting this when he is around.
Sadly, there will always be racists but ignorant people can usually be thumped educated.

Thanks for responding. I've mentioned Obama, Lewis Hamilton but obviously a 5 year old doesn't really register people outside his own sphere. Will keep on pushing the message across though.

As I said to the headmistress, kids will pick on something whether it's skin colour, glasses, ginger hair, fat/thin/short/tall whatever. It just breaks my heart to think of my lovely DS being ashamed of his long, skinny brown legs - I'd swap my fat, milk coloured ones anyday!!!!

Ha ha, he doesn't know how lucky he is, I'd love long skinny brown legs

I know what you mean though. My DD is 11 months and is a VERY tall baby. Everywhere I go people comment on how "big" she is. I worry she is going to have this for the rest of her life and to top it off she sprouting lovely ginger locks, which I think are beautiful. But, as my mom was ginger, she knows all too well what kids are like.

A mother's love if very important and you sound like a very caring and loving mother, so keep up the good work and he will be able to rise above any remarks made to him. Sounds like he is already doing that if he was happy to wear his shorts again.