Two yr old said he's black

[cheekychopsmum]

My 2.4 yr mixed race son said out of the blue " (his name) is black" At first my DP and I didn't think we had heard him right, so I said, what did you say then and he repeated it again. I was quite supprised as we have never discussed this with him.

I asked him who told him that and at first wouldn't say and eventually said a mum from nursery.

DP is quite cross as he said it should be us to talk to him about this and doesn't want him to be labeled. I'm not sure how I feel, but I know it has confused my son. He donesn't realise what it means and I'm not sure what I should do next.

Do I broach the subject, at this young age or do I leave it until he asks, or is a bit older?

DP wants me to speak with the nursery, but I don't see what that will acheive, as it has been said now, and how can the nursery control what other mums are saying. (That's if it was a mum, ds is only 2 and could have got it wrong, in terms of who said it).

DS is very light skinned and has european textured hair which is loose curl. I wouldn't have necessaraly of described him as 'black', as he is just my son, and to be honest, naivley hadn't given this any though.

There are some really good books available, which can help young children learn about their background like:www.amazon.com/Shades-Black-Sandra-L-Pinkney/dp/0439148928
This: www.intermix.org.uk/homepages/homepage_default.asp is also a good UK website which has a lot of discussion of issues surrounding mixed race people.
Think it is important to talk openly about race and colour with them, and to explain to him that some people will consider him to be black. The more proud he can be of the black side of his background the more self confident he will be when he's older and comes across any racist behaviour.
Is a hard one as obviously you don't want them to become fixated or defined by colour, but think it is a stage they go through asking about differences between people. i remember with horror the day my dd asked "why is that man so short?" very loudly in a queue at Tesco's when a man with dwarfism walked past and another time she stopped dead in her tracks as we were walking through a cafe and stared at a man with severe vitiligo and asked why he had white spots all over his face right in front of him

Thanks for your response and I'll check out those links. My concern is ds age, do you think it appropriate to talk about this now with him?

I was shocked when my ds started talking about skin colour at round about this age. I just didn't think it would be something he would particularly notice given that we live in South London and so are therefore surrounded by families of many, many different cultures. I had just assumed he would grow up thinking that was the norm - that everyone looks different. What was interesting though was that he referred to children at his nursery as being different flavours rather than colours. When I asked him what 'flavour' he was he replied "vanilla" . 2 years on, he still talks about himself as being vanilla (ie. mummy my lips are pink because I'm vanilla)

Is your ds mixed race?

I suppose that if this other child had asked his mum why your child was a different colour from him or from you or whatever then she would have had to answer her own child's question.

I have never known what box to tick on those forms for my dc but I certianly wouldn't be upset if someone called one of them black, although technically they aren't, because there is nothing wrong with being black. I think you absolutely need to start talking about it because the other children are going to be interested, in the same way that they are interested in a child with red hair or glasses. When my dd started school she was fascinated by a set of identical twins as she had never come across any before. It wouldn't have crossed my mind to not tell her that the girls were twins in case they felt labelled. By not mentioning it he might start tho think that there is something unusual about it.

I went overboard when my dd1 was tiny with books and toys and going to playgroups on the other side of town because wanted her to know that she was 'normal' and that there were other people and families like hers.

I don't think you need to be so worried about it as an issue, it is after all, a biological thing and people are indeed different colours.
I think the idea of different shades/ flavours is a good one that they can understand. The "I am black, I am unique" book handles it as different shades eg) I am the black of licorice, i am the black of vanilla ice cream, etc,etc which is great as a way of prompting a discussion if they want to and they can see children similar shades to them.
There is a good website, www.multiculturaltoys4u.co.uk/ which sells multicultural toys as well which has things liek crayons of different skin tones, paper with different skin tones etc so can do crafty bits where he can begin to express the different shades of people he sees around him?

Dd started talking about skin colour about this age, so I think it's kind of normal. She is technically white (but sort of Mediterranean), so I was surprised to hear that she thought of herself as different ("brown") from me. Quite sure it wasn't because she had been exposed to anything inappropriate: she had simply looked in the mirror and noticed something fairly obvious, that she doesn't look like me. A little worried because she said she didn't want to be brown but wanted to be like me, but again, I don't think it was anything she had heard and it certainly hasn't had any lasting negative effects.