Attitudes towards mixed race relationships in Bucks and Berks

[morine]

www.maidenhead-advertiser.co.uk
October 29, 2009

?RACISM IS A REAL ISSUE IN WHAT IS A LOVELY PLACE?
Maidenhead : Couple subjected to abuse speak out

By John Balson : [email protected]
Brian Moore,44, and his girlfriend Cecilie Enos are fed up with racist behaviour in Maidenhead and Marlow.

Racism is a rife in Maidenhead and Marlow, according to a black man who moved to the area earlier this year.
Brian Moore, 44, who lives in central Maidenhead, says since moving from London he has been discriminated against at least once a week, including being mistreated by police, abused by late-night revellers and barred from a restaurant. The journalist and film-maker said the problems have been made ?doubly worse? because his girlfriend is white.

?In the short space of time I have been here, it is quite obvious there is a real issue,? he told the Advertiser.
?We get unpleasant looks every time we go into Marlow and, to a lesser extend, Maidenhead, and sometimes people just stop and stare.?

The father-of-one added: ?It is a beautiful place but you have got to be careful because there are some people who will come up to you to try to start a fight just on the basis of your colour.?

Mr Moore, who moved to Maidenhead from Ealing in May, said despite being made to feel welcome by his neighbours, it was not long before wider problems surfaced.
The former RAF fighter controller finally decided to make a stand after seeing British National Party leader Nick Griffin?s hotly-debated appearance on Question Time on Thursday. And together with his girlfriend Cecilie Enos, he is hoping to raise awareness on the issue and encourage more debate.
?It is not just a feeling. There are examples, week in, week out, which highlight what I have felt,? he said. He referred to a stop-and-question incident with a police community support officer in Marlow Hight Street who, he said, targeted him because he was the only black man in the street.

Following a complaint to Thames Valley Police, it was agreed there was a case to answer because the officer in question had been unable to give a ?satisfactory explanation? to why he found Mr Moore ?suspicious?.
Another time, he said, a restaurant manager stopped him and his girlfriend having a meal together, saying the place was fully booked, when later Mr Moore discovered it was not.
Miss Enos, who previously lived in Marlow, said she had also been targeted by abuse. ?Guys have stopped me in bars and said ?what are you doing?? and ?if you go out with a black man you lessen your chances of going out with a guy in Marlow by 80 per cent,? she said.
?It sometimes feels like this place is in a bubble, which is unnatural and quite dangerous in many ways.?

Superintendent Paul Emmings, commander for Wycombe, said the incident in Marlow had been taken to the Professional Standards Department and would be overseen by the Independent Complaints Commission.
He said they would have to wait for the result of this appeal before any action could be taken against the officer involved.

If i go out by myself I am a normal person. If I go out with my mixed race kids i get hassled. And I don't even go out of the house with my husband any more cos its not worth it.

You know the saying Once you've had black you dont go back? Its not cos black people are so amazing its cos white men won't touch you afterwards.

You are also more likely to be called a slag etc.

Having said that areas of London are great.

That really is depressing reading.

I've found there seem to be a lot of ignorance here. A neighbour came round once and was asking about dh (indian) and said 'oh so he's not a P*ki then, I don't like those ones'. I've been warned htat Bracknell (next town) can be very racist.

I think it works both ways though. I've been in Indian grocers in Slough with our mixed race twins and the women have been very snotty, and chatting about us in gujarati.

People were def more accepting when we lived in Croydon.

Mixedraceparents, i am very sorry about what you are experiencing, of course it is very shocking. I try not to pay attention anymore, when I am with my mixed race children or alone, I am a normal person, but when I am with DH I got very despising stares. I try to overcome it and I go out with my DH as much as I can, they want to make my life unbearable but I don't let them do so. I think you should just ignore them really and go out with your DH. When we get bad stares outside, DH hugs and kisses me just to let them know that "she is my choice whatever you want it or not", when DH does it they generally stop staring.

Chopstheduck, it is true Bracknell can be a very racist place, some people also told me this. For example I know an English lady who told me that she got very bad stares when she is out with her mixed race children. Your experience is shocking really and obviously you can also get it from both sides as you say. I remember i went to do some shopping in Slough with my DH and our son, we saw two black young women talking and when they saw us they started to laugh, it seems like they were laughing at us.

As you say there is a lot of ignorance about each other cultures...

One in ten births is to a mixed race child when our kids are older it will be different so its best to just remember that and look to the future. I think its great your DH is so understanding you have a good one there!

Your probably right about the future. Will have a look at the yahoo group

Great I hope you can come along to a meet up :0) would be nice to meet other parents

Morine, you were so lovely to me on the other thread that I thought I would add my moral support. I am so sorry you have to put up with this, it sounds horrible. I think the decision to move is good one. Unfortunately you can get areas of hatred and intolerance, often but not always in the smaller towns. I once applied to a job in a small town outside Manchester - while I was there I got chased by 2 boys on bicyles who shouted racist abuse at me which hadn't happened to me since I was a child. I was lucky enough to be able to turn the job down and take one in a more enlightened area. Hope things work out for you.

Thank you sahm, I said what I said on the other thread because I was impressed by the commitment that you have shown to make sure your children know both sides of their cultural backgrounds, and I found the fact that the daughter's best role model is normally the mum, very inspiring and truthful.

I am really sorry that you had to pass by an identity crisis. I have never known how it looks like but I guess it might me horrible, I am having a home sick but I know it is nothing compare to what you have been through. You might be morally stonger after all those ordeals.

DH is agree to move to a bigger town, he has been living where we are since he is 4 years old, it will be a big change for him, fortunately not for me .

Morine this is horrible for you. How bloody upsetting.

I used to live in Devon and indeed there is a huge degree of racism, perpetuated by people who genuinely don't believe they are racist. Ignorant sods. I remember a couple of young women (20s or so) talking about a (sorry for the word) 'nigger brown' coat.

There is less racism where we live now as is a more multicultural area (Gloucester) however DP used to have an Indian girlfriend, and the remarks they used to get (from white people and asians) were shocking.

Hi GetOr.., someone on this thread also mentioned that Devon is very bad. We are definitely looking for a bigger town with more varieties. It is quite shocking really, I thought young women were the less racist and I thought older people were the worst, but now I am wrong, anyone can be worst really.

It is quite shocking that mentalities are not that evolved in such a modern and "multicultural" country.

has anybody encountered disguised racism?

I live in London which is much more tolerant than other places but what I have found is that racists just find a different way to bully you.

For example instad of racist remarks they will pick on your appearance,attitude,behaviour, personality. living conditions etc etc

Now I'm not saying I'm perfect and of course everyone makes remarks but if you notice that someone is ALWAYS finding fault with you and its undeserved then its probably disguised racism.

I really try to keep my kids close due to past experience f one of them being treated this way althugh he was quite openly taunted with racist comments as well.

"For example instad of racist remarks they will pick on your appearance,attitude,behaviour, personality. living conditions etc etc"

Imo, this might not be necessarily be racism, it can be jealousy really, the person might have an issue with you but thew issue might not be based on the colour of your skin.

For my part, here where I am living, sometimes I find people condescending but I am not sure whether it is because I am a foreigner, I think they might behave in this way between themselves too.

yea good point