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Multicultural families

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Attitudes towards mixed race relationships in Bucks and Berks

38 replies

morine · 09/01/2010 21:08

www.maidenhead-advertiser.co.uk
October 29, 2009

?RACISM IS A REAL ISSUE IN WHAT IS A LOVELY PLACE?
Maidenhead : Couple subjected to abuse speak out

By John Balson : [email protected]
Brian Moore,44, and his girlfriend Cecilie Enos are fed up with racist behaviour in Maidenhead and Marlow.

Racism is a rife in Maidenhead and Marlow, according to a black man who moved to the area earlier this year.
Brian Moore, 44, who lives in central Maidenhead, says since moving from London he has been discriminated against at least once a week, including being mistreated by police, abused by late-night revellers and barred from a restaurant. The journalist and film-maker said the problems have been made ?doubly worse? because his girlfriend is white.

?In the short space of time I have been here, it is quite obvious there is a real issue,? he told the Advertiser.
?We get unpleasant looks every time we go into Marlow and, to a lesser extend, Maidenhead, and sometimes people just stop and stare.?

The father-of-one added: ?It is a beautiful place but you have got to be careful because there are some people who will come up to you to try to start a fight just on the basis of your colour.?

Mr Moore, who moved to Maidenhead from Ealing in May, said despite being made to feel welcome by his neighbours, it was not long before wider problems surfaced.
The former RAF fighter controller finally decided to make a stand after seeing British National Party leader Nick Griffin?s hotly-debated appearance on Question Time on Thursday. And together with his girlfriend Cecilie Enos, he is hoping to raise awareness on the issue and encourage more debate.
?It is not just a feeling. There are examples, week in, week out, which highlight what I have felt,? he said. He referred to a stop-and-question incident with a police community support officer in Marlow Hight Street who, he said, targeted him because he was the only black man in the street.

Following a complaint to Thames Valley Police, it was agreed there was a case to answer because the officer in question had been unable to give a ?satisfactory explanation? to why he found Mr Moore ?suspicious?.
Another time, he said, a restaurant manager stopped him and his girlfriend having a meal together, saying the place was fully booked, when later Mr Moore discovered it was not.
Miss Enos, who previously lived in Marlow, said she had also been targeted by abuse. ?Guys have stopped me in bars and said ?what are you doing?? and ?if you go out with a black man you lessen your chances of going out with a guy in Marlow by 80 per cent,? she said.
?It sometimes feels like this place is in a bubble, which is unnatural and quite dangerous in many ways.?

Superintendent Paul Emmings, commander for Wycombe, said the incident in Marlow had been taken to the Professional Standards Department and would be overseen by the Independent Complaints Commission.
He said they would have to wait for the result of this appeal before any action could be taken against the officer involved.

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GhoulsAreLoud · 09/01/2010 21:10

Can definitely believe the stop and search thing.

morine · 09/01/2010 21:15

Obviously as I am a woman I have never experienced the stop and search personally but only the less obvious racism like the looks and comments.

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GhoulsAreLoud · 09/01/2010 21:17

Women can still be stopped and searched.

GhoulsAreLoud · 09/01/2010 21:19

Do you live near there? Is it something you've experienced? I'm very sorry if so

morine · 09/01/2010 21:25

Yes I live in the same town. At one stage I didn't want to go out with my DH because of the look we are getting but now I don't let it stop me going out with DH, even though it still affects me a bit.

I prefer not to go to pubs anymore because they see as a wind-up by me and I get very unfriendly looks from most of the people there.

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GhoulsAreLoud · 09/01/2010 21:30

Oh I am so sorry. That must be horrible to have to deal with. Have you lived there long?

GhoulsAreLoud · 09/01/2010 21:31

I'm sorry about my first couple of responses by the way - I didn't know the multicultural families topic existed and thought this had been posted as "In the news" so thought it was a discussion on the story, rather than being related to your personal experences.

morine · 09/01/2010 21:35

7 years now. When I am on my own with the kids it's not too bad, but as soon as they see me with DH they change completely. They would greet (and speak to) my DH and not me as if I was invisible!

At the begining DH used to introduce me to people he knew, they looked at me and quickly turned away.

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GhoulsAreLoud · 09/01/2010 21:37

That sounds very hard. I'm sorry you're having to put up with such poor behaviour. People can be unbelievably ignorant and cruel.

morine · 09/01/2010 21:40

Unfortunately some people are ignorant, there is nothing we can do about it. Are you also in a mixed race relationship?

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GhoulsAreLoud · 09/01/2010 21:49

No, I'm not - but I clicked on the thread because I live in Bucks (North Bucks though) and thought it was an in the news topic.

We are in quite a big city (well it's not technically a city but city sized) and I think this sort of thing, although it obviously goes on, is probably less prolific as it is a fairly multi cultural area.

GracieW · 09/01/2010 21:54

I live close to the town mentioned and I think this reaction to mixed race relationships is more likely in less multi cultural areas.

A very good friend of mine who is black said he'd had the most abuse in Devon out of all the places he'd lived.

morine · 09/01/2010 21:55

I think you are right, and thank you for your support.

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morine · 09/01/2010 22:01

I have never lived in other towns, to be honest I didn't expect such reactions from people. It is a bit a challenge for me when I have to go out with DH.

What does upset me abit is when they give me bad looks and smile to my children.

How does you friend cope In Devon?

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GracieW · 09/01/2010 22:04

Ignore them. You live in a beautiful area so enjoy your surroundings!

Friend ended up leaving Devon and moving back up north. He was so shocked though, he thought he would love it and found the racist abuse extremely hurtful.

So are you white and your DH is not? (Sorry if I've read it wrongly).

littleducks · 09/01/2010 22:11

Am surprised by this.....i never have any trouble in Marlow people are always super duper polite (but i only go to the town centre) and i always feel 'nice' and like its posh.

We live in M'head and i am white and dh is asian. Never had any problems, although we dont ever go to pubs or anywhere like that....and it always seems like people seem more likely to say stuff to you when they have been drinking than in a shopping centre.

supersalstrawberry · 09/01/2010 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morine · 09/01/2010 22:15

Its ok,there is no matter. It is me who is black and my DH is white.

I have lived in France before and I have always dated white men but I didn't experience in France what I am experiencing here. I was shocked and I am still shocked at experiencing this as I know English people are very learned and travel a lot compare to French people.

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littleducks · 09/01/2010 22:22

Well hopefully this thread and the other one will bring out a few more local people and maybe you can get some advice about schools etc. as mine are a bit young for that, i thinking changing schools can help with these things sometimes (Then we can all plan a super meet up in the summer)

morine · 09/01/2010 22:27

Yes thats a good idea. I don't know if you have the family magazine. I put an advert in it for mixed race family, It is a mixed race family dinner club where we can share food specialities and discuss topics.

I hope many mixed race families will join.

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morine · 09/01/2010 22:30

Littleducks i will tell you a horrible thing that I experienced.

One day I went to Marlow with my family. We were at the park with the children waiting for a swing to be free. I was the first to come and wait, a lady was staring at me in an unpleasant way as I was with my white husband, she stopped pushing her child on the swing and instead of freeing the swing she was waiting while staring at me. About 10 second after she saw a white lady coming and I hear the lady saying to her daughter: ?Maybe that lady who is coming wants to use the swing; we wait to see if she wants it.? When the other white lady came closer, the white lady who was holding the swing freed it to her and left smiling and happy of her behaviour. I found it quite shocking and despising.

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pinkmagic1 · 10/01/2010 20:49

Thats awful Morine, truly shocking. I am in a mixed marriage and apart from a couple of run ins with a very elderly man who used to live across the road (now deceased), we have never experienced any outward racism, we do however live in a very multicultural city.
I do think their is still racism here however, but it is done more discreetly. DH has applied for jobs in the past which he was more than qualified to do and which have literally just been advertised, only to be told the position has been filled. (He has an obviously non European name).

morine · 11/01/2010 14:04

Hi Pinkmagic1, yes it quite shocking. There is even more I am experiencing but I can't go into detail.

I am experiencing The "You are taking our white man from us" almost everyday, I got it even from teenagers and people who are supposed to be christians, from single women to married ones.

I am very sorry about your DH, hope he has finally found a suitable work.

Our neighbours are ok. We are looking for a good and safe multicultural area as DH also wants to move for the sake of our children, but we don't know where to go.

For all the other mums, if you are in Berks and Bucks or not far away, there is a Mixed Race Families Dinner Club in Berks.

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LadyG · 16/01/2010 20:16

Hi Morine-we live in Ruislip and I think Harrow and Ruislip generally are very multicultural safe and welcoming. Having said that I wouldn't go to any of the local pubs anyway(not my scene) but out shopping/at school/at local restaurants have had no problems. My DS is one of 6 mixed race (either Asian/white or black/white) children in his class of 30. Good schools too.

morine · 17/01/2010 16:16

Hi LadyG,

To be honest I didn't like to go the local pub. I did it to please DH. He used to go there before we got married.

Ruislip and Harrow sound good, I will look at it with DH.

Thank you

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