Mixed race families in Bucks and Berks

[morine]

Hi there,

I am in a mixed race marriage with 4 mixed race children, living in a predominantly white area.

At the moment my children are having difficulty making friends with other children due to the other childrens' parents attitude towards mixed race relationships.

Has anyone experienced this ?

That's really sad to hear Morine and although I am in a mixed race relationship with fourth child on the way, it still astonishes me.

Have your children actively tried playing with the other children? How about inviting some of the children around to play? Sometimes, things are not as they seem. People can be shy and reserved for a number of reasons.

I hope it works out for you, it usually does in the end

Bump

Hi lollopos,

I find it very sad too. I want to change area for my children but people have adviced me to stay as there are good schools... but to be honest I do want to leave the area as it also affects me.

Fortunately they have their black family abroad and they use to go and spend their holidays with their black relatives, they enjoy it!

When my children want to play with other children, their parents don't seem to like it and they take their children away. I have tried to invite some children to play with mine, but some parents didn't show interest, others did but I most time it is me who has to make the first move.

omg,dreadful you and dc have been treated so badly.don't live your area but so so sad parents differentiate on race.youd be welcome at mine any time

I would have to think about moving.
If it affects you, then your children must feel the same.
It is awful that there are such idiots, who don't like people because of their race. Cannot believe in this so called modern society that people like that exist.

Have never experienced this before, but as I live in London, then this is highly unlikely. Just so sad that people can be horrible to children.

By the way how old are your children?

Morine, that is really shocking. I am so saddened that you have encountered this - even with living where you do. I live in a N Oxfordshire village, and thankfully (so far at least) have expereinced no obvious problems. I just have one DD (2.3 yrs) and am expecting DD2 in March. I am white British and DH is black British.

To be honest, if people are keeping their children away from yours for the sole reason that your children are black/mixed race, then those people are not worth knowing. Do you really want to socialise with people who judge you because of the colour of your skin? I sure as hell don't. I really hope that you find some suitable playmates for your children.

Thank you to you all.
The first three children have 6, 4 and 2 and a half years old, the last is a baby.

I don't know what to do, we wait and see, maybe things will change. The area we live in is a very cold one, when people see DH and me walking down the street, they stare at us in a very unfriendly way.

When we pass next to a group of white people, they look at each other and knit their brows. It doesn't help because I look black. Four generations ago my family was white, it is my grandmother who is mixed race. My white blood only emerges when you see my last two children, they are lighter, one has green eyes and the other has blue/grey eyes.

My children don't have their white family anymore, so they can't even interact with any white relative, thats why I am happy to send them abroad so they can interact with their black relatives.

I don't know what to do, I don't know whether all of the UK is the same, or maybe if I was a white mum it would have been different, I don't know.

Personally i would move to a more multi culteral area.you cant go on living in a area like that & your children will soon start to pick up on your unhappiness & will also start to question if they are having the same problems.I am married to a black man & have 5 mixed race kids luckily i live in a multi culteral area in west london of course rasism is everywhere but living in such a multi culteral place it doesnt seem to rear its ugly head as often as if it was a dominantly white area. I am so sorry for your distress in this matter hope things get better for you

How long ago did you move to the area?

It's very difficult at the best of times to break the ice when you're new to an area, and when you're from a different culture and keenly aware of your own racial difference, its doubly so.

Parts of South Bucks are much more multicultural. Still with good schools. Maybe go to playgroup there? Though more difficult to uproot school age children.

Thank you to both of you (littlemissm and Chunkyrice).

We will move, we have to. We have the choice between London (near Gatwik) and south Bucks.

To Chunkyrice, This is 7 years I have been living in the area, to be honest I don't like my life here. If I was born here maybe I would have put up with, but I was born in France in a very multicultural place, without any race gap.

Believe me Chunkyrice I have been trying very hard to relate with mums in my area, even with mixed race mums. I went to playgroups, to the NCT meetings, I thought things would be like in France.

You said : "when you're from a different culture and keenly aware of your own racial difference, its doubly so.

What can I do ? when you feel rejected and unwanted, it just makes you more aware of the way you look, and your racial difference. I have travelled a lot believe me, I even speak Spanish fluently, I mixed with many Europeans people but I just don't know why it doesn't happen with people in my area. Maybe thats why I am more aware of my racial background.

I'm so sorry it must have been an awful 7 years. You've certainly given the area more than a chance. Looks like they've missed out on knowing an interesting woman and her family.

I don't think all of the UK is like this. I've had to travel a lot of the UK for work, both rural and cities. But as a huge generalisation, the more isolated a town, the more shocked (not always negatively) they will be at meeting you. Being mixed race, (though not black mixed race - and i know it's a different story) I used to get the stares, and it sometimes took a lot to get through their fear. And sometimes i couldn't get through it.

But you shouldn't have to put up with combatting their fear, and neither should your children. It too exhausting. Get on with your life elsewhere and show your kids how to be the best they can.