Lack of cultural mix in school - what do you think?

[Holymoly321]

I'm mixed race and DH is white. I grew up in London, my primary and secondary were very large multicultural places. DH grew up in Kent, very white middle class blah blah. Anyway, we now live in East Midlands. Both DS's look white, european type hair etc. The local school is small and quite white, not many children from diff ethnic backgrounds at all, and there is another larger school, not too far away that is a fabulous new school with fantastic facilities etc. But is is VERY white - i saw only four or five children from other backgrounds on the tour. Anyway, DH thinks it's not a problem for DS to go to either of these schools, but they are so far removed from my exp of primary school that I think it's blinding me. I think it's maybe because I look black and they don't that I'm worried they will miss out on not going to a more diverse school. What do you think?

Having lived in very white city, a multicultural school was at the top of my list.

I think it all depends, if you are moving to a neighbourhood where people has a good level of education, have seen the world and find racial differences unimportant, you have absolutely nothing to be afraid of.

If you are moving to a neighbourhood full of ignorant people, where people tend to stereotype other people because of race. Avoid like the plague, you are looking for trouble.

I think that it depends what kind of racial identity you want your sons to grow up with- is it that you want them to feel part of a multi cultural community as a mixed race person, or are you worried that they will forget their black roots? Or maybe you just want them to be aware of the full cultural mix in Britain/the World? School isn't the only place they can do either of these things, of course... you will have a far bigger influence on your child than any school can. Are there any local clubs etc they an attend that will provide them with a broader experience? If not, then it may be a case, as riven says, that you have to accept that it's the nature of where you live.

Sorry that's a bit muddled- I am very tired this eve!

There was a link on another thread that had a study of children's perceptions of race.

I wouldn't know how to find it, someone might know what I am referring to, but one of the things it said (not word for word as I can't quite remember) whilst a very mixed school provided opportunities for children to have friends of other races, it also provided just as many opportunities for racial segregation. It found that a white child was most likely to have a white best friend, a black child most likely to have a black best friend in a very mixed school. ie more mixing will go on in a school that is less mixed bizzare as it sounds! Perhaps someone will find it for you, but I wouldn't worry about it personally.

As well, you said your DCs look white even though they are mixed race. Some of the white children you saw on the tours might be mixed race as well?

Well we've lived here for three years and it is quite a 'white' area - not just british but lots of eastern european etc. There just aren't that many black people living here. I just want them to be aware of the cultural mix of the country they live in, and also because I don't really have any family on my side, they are not getting anything from the 'black' side of my heritage. I just want them to be rounded, caring boys (they are already bless them!) who are culturally aware, but I don't want to sacrifice their education... OOOh, this is all so confusing!

crokky, that is true, some of them may well be mixed. My perceptions may be skewed because back in my day it was all very obvious! Plus, that was just MY experience, you know, just because I went to a very multicultural school, doesn't mean it is the only way to go does it?

Is there another choice? My dcs go to a Catholic primary which, although there are only about 10 non white children in the school, its a big step up on some other local schools where there are no non white children at all. It also has a much broader social mix as it has an enormous catchment. Not very helpful if you aren't Catholic though.

Your dcs aren't going to have the same experience as you, even if you moved so they could go to a more diverse school. Every choice you make for them means they are missing out on the alternative. If you choose to live in a village then they miss out on city life. If you choose to life in a big multicultural city then they miss out on village life. You can't give them every experience.

I agree with what crokky says about racial seggragation in mixed schools. It can leave mixed race children with nowhere to go when the black children play with the black children, the white children play with the white children etc.

You can make them aware of the cultural mix outside of school if you think its lacking at school. Where abouts are you? there used to be a really good surestart playgroup for ethnic minority children near Mansfield somewhere.

I have 3 mixed dcs and they would all look white to a casual observer.

well I have surprised myself and have been able to find the thread for you , there is a link in there to a report

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/8/856062-explaining-race-to-a-nearly-4-year-old

thanks crokky, will have a look

very interesting crokky, esp the link to the artical in newsweek

Erm, I'm mixed race (asian and white) and grew up in a very very white area with no problems at all. I'm 41.

Moved back to big bad city and have a ds and wanted to him to have much wider perception of our people and it's every bloody play group was soooooo segregated. He's going to a very very multicultural school - but quite honestly I think that means jack shit - I got my multiculturalism from home - as will your dcs I expect.

I hear so many people wanting their kids to go to 'mutlicultural schoools' - I just want mine to go to a school where they will learn to read write and maths - everything else can be got from home quite honestly.

I live in East Londn kids are half white english and half black african. They go to a school with NO white or african at all its totally bangladeshi. Its causing all sorts of havoc with their sense of identity eldest gets called nig head. I would like a school where there is a good mix of races. The worst part is despite most f the parents not looking or even speaking to me someone had the cheek to call me racist lol because I once retaliated at what has been ongoing racism for a long perid of time.

People are people

When we stop worrying about race and colour, our dc will too. My dds best friend is mixed race and obviously not white. When doing some activity somewhere (cant remember where) the question of race and colour was raised and she got genuinely confused as she didnt think she knew anybody who was different colour to her. Kids dont make an issue of it. People really are just people.

But maybe I am wrong - have just read mixedraceparents comments.

I have 4 kids the eldest it at a school nwhere its mstly bengali there are no white english or black african in his class at all.

the school is Ok but I really want him to meet a mix of people including all colours as he is getting confused and upset at the moment.

He got nighead one time too many so after months of asking I did relax his hair s now he looks more asian and less mixed race. I dn't know if I agree with relaxing his hair lol, despite having done it but its been great for his happiness so I guess it was worth it.

I mostly agree with giveitago.

Before we moved, dd was at a very diverse school, and white people very much a minority. I think she was one of two in her class. I liked her learning about different cultures, but the school was crap.

Now we live in a predominantly white area, and my mixed race twins are in the minority. I would like them to be in more of a mixed school, but really, it isn't really what school is for.

They get the cultural experiences from home, shopping in wembley, going to mandir, going to diwali celebrations, etc. I'm hoping they will start gujarati classes when they are a bit older.

frogetyfrog.

Thank you.

Sorry my post came across a bit strong the school is greaet and my son has had a great time there the kids are also lovely. However he keeps asking if he is half bangladeshi although he does know hes not. I think hes trying to fit into a culture which is not his own and feeling left out. Yes people are peple I do agree with frog. My personal choice would be to have a mix of all the races so the kids can find their own racial identity.

I wonder if you feel intimidated yourself in addition to worrying about your kids? I am not saying that in any way negatively as of course you have to interact with the parents and school. I found it intimidating being the only white person amongst bengalis (some are nice some to this date have not even looked at me lol!). It might be an idea to walk past the school gates a few times at home time and try to make eye contact with the parents. Trying to remove your child from a school because the fit is wrong is much harder than gauging what the school is going to be like first. If they have a playgroup or open dys I would suggest going along. I think you have every right to be worried for your kids and want the best for them. I would also directly ask the teaching staff how they would intergrate your kids and tell them of your concerns. My son's school said yes you're right and we are going to do more work on other cultures which was a pretty cool reaction. If they do not want to talk about it then thats probably not the best school. If the kids are from the local area and just happen to all be white thats one thing - if that school discourages other races then that is totally another.

mixedraceparents.

It must be quite hurtful but I find that people in real life, regardless of colour, creed, blah blah blah, can be ignorant. Yes, they should also do work on other cultures.

A happy kid is a confident kid, regardless of what or where s/he is brought up.

Im sorry have i offended you in some way? I was just trying to help hear. I try to be tolerant kind and patient and if i have inadvertantly caused offence then I apologise that was not my intention. My experience is not the same as yours so I wuldnt even try to judge. My kids are confident and happy however I think and they think that it would be nice if there was even one white or african or mixed race person in their class. That's not insulting anybody elses culture thats positively looking forward to interacting with people who have shared culture and traditions with themselves.

I'm very happy for ds to be in a mixed school however - pretty much everyone has a second or third language going on and he's never feel odd as there's always someone more mixed than him. He looks completely european however but he's actually from all over the shop.

But I'd put decent school culture and outcomes over the mix - parents can step in and give them their cultural understanding.