my DH doesnt want children because i am christian he is muslim

[moci]

I am fed up with my Dh's views to starting a family, he is from pakistian i am from england, and he will not start a family, i believe it is because i am a christian, i dont know, maybe his family told him not too? we have been married for 4 years now, he told me that he wanted to settle down and start a family, and that he realy wants to have children! so whats stopping him?
in his culture they start families straight away, his relatives that married after me, have had children, so why not me? anyone who is from muslim pakistani background, help me understand his worries.
as for me, problems in family illness with blocked tubes, and abnormal cells in womb, has caused many menbers of family not to be able to have kids, and i am worried that i will miss out on my chance, he knows this but doesnt care, i dont get it, could it be a green card? dont know, and dont know what to do, any advice thanks

Have you discussed the religious aspects with him at all? As you are probably aware it is perfectly allowed for a muslim man to marry a christian woman as long as there is an agreement that the children will be brought up as muslim. Is he a practising muslim or does he see it as a cultural issue? It would be unusual in my experience for this to be the issue but unless you discuss it with him you won't know for sure.

Sorry you are having a hard time

Did your dh's family approve of your marriage? If they didn't, perhaps he is afraid of upsetting them further by having children. Although if they didn't approve I would imagine he is unlikely to be in contact with them. In my experience (married to someone of Pakistani descent) once the family gives the green light, everyone is very keen for you to have children asap even if, like me, you haven't converted. As ummadam says, you really need to talk to him properly. It could be anything (money worries, job insecurity etc) and you just don't know until you discuss it.

But I hope it all works out for you.

Maybe it's nothing to do with muslim/christian thing. More to do with normal bloke anxiety about committing to children.

What's his immigration status? Was he in the UK illegally prior to your marriage and/or did you have to go to the British High Commission in Islamabad to get the marriage entry clearance or apply for him to stay at the Home Office.

If so, I share your concerns that he MIGHT (and I stress the word might here) be using you to get entry to the UK and his refusal to have children may well be indicative of his true commitment to this marriage (i.e he's leave once he's got his British passport or indefinite stamp)

If he was here legally, anyway, then I would suggest not and that his reluctance has other grounds.

Have you actually asked him why he does not want children and what does he say?

I have a Christian friend who's married to a Muslim guy and the man doesn't want children NOW even though my friends does because they have no savings, precarious jobs and unsuitable accommodation

It shouldn't be the case that he is not having children cos of the religion thing. As ummadam says it is fine for a muslim man to marry a christian woman as long as the children are brought up as muslim.
You need to have a serious sit down talk with him asap

Moci I am sorry you are having such a hard time. His immigration status is a concern but if he was already legally in the uk on a work permit then that should not be a issue (if he only had a student visa or was illegal then I would consider this issue carefully)

I am sure his family back home had a lot to say about him marrying you but the fact that he did marry you instead of just suggesting living together or hiding your marriage from his family. As far as children are concerned you need to sit down with him and have a calm and detailed discussion so that he knows where you stand and visa versa. Speaking a child from a pakistani father and an english mother (converted to muslim) they did not have the raising child as one religion or the other question I can see that maybe this issue is important to him lots of men even though they are not practicing muslims they want their children brought up as muslims in a cultural environment similar to their own. he may be thinking that a child brought up with two religions in one home may be confused/ non religious etc. I donot mean to suggest that these are the only reason he may be wary to commit to having children but merely to point out that this may be a factor.
Equally he may just think that financially/ emotionally starting a family at this time is not a good idea.
Either way you both need to talk!

if you ae a practicing christian - then i think you have a point - however - if you aren't and you dont believe in god - i dont think it matters whether to promise to stand on your head and worship ketchup - does it?

unless you findementally disagree with having your children brought up muslim - in which case - i can't see you getting over the problem and you will probably have to get divorced.

you brought up the green card( is he not a premenant resident of ur country...if so then being a british asian i would be worried about this whole marraige... if he is not that religios then he would have lived with you not married you as did my first cousin with his white girlfriend... i agree with the Sariska that if the marriage is not approved by the parents(pakistani views) then it will be difficult for ur dh to commit having children...i think you really do need to sit down with him and if it is a visa issue then you should walk away from the relationship... if not find out what are his reasons...ask him to explain to you why children are not on the agenda as you have made a point for wanting children now(family history. see what he has to say and then tell hm ur reasons... if you can respect his then he should respect urs...