Maintaining culture as 2nd/3rd generation immigrants

[Clappen]

I am white British but moved to Italy 10 years ago which is where son was born and has lived his whole life. Son's dad has lived in Italy all his life but his parents are Senegalese. Son is 6.

We are struggling to maintain a connection to the African roots and the paternal grandmother is struggling to form a deep relationship with our son as she does not see him as 'one of her own' and struggles to know how to interact with him. It is true that western culture has taken over and our son has very little exposure to things from Senegal.

We are trying to introduce more Senegalese food in to the house but it is difficult as son's dad never learnt to cook from his mother and now we live quite a distance away from her so cooking lessons from grandma are not practical and trying it ourselves at home normally doesn't end well.

We have tried looking for Senegalese music online but the choice is limited and son's dad wouldn't even know what artists/songs to look for so we are searching without much information. Dad cannot read or write in the local language his parents speak and doesn't even know if there are any books available in that langue as both his parents are illiterate so he never had any books growing up either. Even if we find books not sure it makes sense buying them if it turns out dad isn't able to read them.
He is also speaking French to our son rather than the tribal language of his parents as it is the language he feels more comfortable in. I respect his decision but it also makes communication with the grandparents more difficult.

Just wondering how other families are managing to maintain the connection to the less dominant culture as it feels like everything is so westernised and we are struggling to help my son see that there are other cultures out there.
Last week at the beach my son made comments about there being so many black people there and was struggling to comprehend when I told him that in Senegal the majority of people are black and white is the minority and his grandparents has probably never seen a rea life white person until they came to Europe. The situation really opened our eyes and made us want to show our son thing not just always from the white perspective.

I am of 50% Indian and 50% British heritage, and 100% British culturally. From that perspective, I will speak plainly.

The father in this story is actually fully Italian. He was born Italian, and does not speak the Senegalese language, cannot cook the cuisine and is unfamiliar with the music.

However, your son is the beneficiary of two rich, deep and creative cultures, British and Italian, instilled in him in the only way culture is or can be transmitted, purely by social interaction with his parents and environment, and that's plenty good enough.

Your child does not have African "roots". Rather, the portion of his DNA that codes for skin colour, promotes slightly more expression of melatonin. That's all, that's it. There is no magical "cultural" feature embedded in his DNA.

You do not inherit culture through your skin colour.

This is like telling me that because I have a slightly olive-coloured skin, I am somehow connected to India in some mystical way that other people aren't. Let's be clear: to claim that culture is transmitted genetically leads to some philosophically peculiar and borderline racist contortions about the influence of "blood" on a person's character. These beliefs about the primacy of race on a person's character were promulgated most heinously by the Nazis with the Nuremberg Race Laws.

It's unfortunate that the grandmother cannot bond with the child because of his skin colour and, it goes without saying, racist. But have you considered that this racism is an authentic expression of her culture, and that you have no right to criticise such culturally-derived prejudice ?

Other points:

Have you ever visited Senegal, or do you plan to ? It's impossible, in fact absurd, to try to enculturate your child as Senegalese if you have not seen the country.

There is more to a culture than cuisine. How do you feel about the jaw-droppingly misogynistic aspects of Senegal's Islamist culture, not least its leading position in Africa as a practitioner of Female Genital Mutilation ? If your child was a girl, how would you explain that to her ?

You say "everything is so westernised" - which is not surprising because you are in Europe. And "white perspective". Skin does not have a perspective,

The only effective way to inculcate your child in Senegalese culture would be to move there for a year or two, enrol him in a local school, immerse him in language classes, and encourage him to hang out with his peers and do whatever activities they do.

Otherwise, let it go. You will only confuse him for no good reason, unless you consider assuaging your own unarticulated and non-specific "white guilt" about I don't know what, a good justification.

I think I agree with PP. My family has a similar set up, though different countries involved.

It doesn't sound like your husband has much attachment to Senegalese culture, and without that your son won't at all. If you try to build it, it will inevitably be quite fake, I think.

Is your DH keen on building this (for himself, as well as your son?). Becasue learning together is probably the only way to do it, but it will need real commitment.

If not, that's OK. I think race sometimes clouds this issue. I have (white) friends with a grandparent from all over Europe, and none of them fret that they don't keep up their French/ Welsh / whatever culture.

We're in a similar situation. I'm white British, DH is of Indian heritage but grew up in southern Europe (not Italy, but pretty close!). We now live in the UK. My DH is far more western than Indian. He's not religious and not culturally Indian, although he does feel a sense of connection to India. His parents are very Indian, he has a lot of family in India, and we do want our kids to be aware of their heritage.
Unless I missed it, I don't think you mentioned visiting Senegal? Do you go there for holidays? To me, this is absolutely essential if you want your son to feel connected to Senegal. You can cook the food and play music, but nothing is more powerful than him actually spending time there and seeing how life is.
We've basically accepted that our children are culturally 100٪ British. We can't fight their Britishness! However, they do spend a lot of time with their grandparents so they're exposed to a lot of Indian traditions that way. We also go to India every three years for a month at a time. I'd love to go more but it's too expensive. They love being in India. As they grow older (they're now 14 and 11) they've become more and more interested in India. They ask so many questions about their ancestors, Hinduism, Indian history etc.